Growing Pains
by theworldsgreatest01
Summary: Nearly 2 decades have passed since the original Inu-tachi defeated Naraku. Since then, Inuyasha and Kagome had a daughter, Miroku and Sango a son. Now, the Inu-tachi are back in another journey seeking a new enemy & this time their children must fight too
1. Sibling

**Disclaimer: **theworldsgreatest01 does not own Inuyasha and never will.

**Summary: **This story begins long after Naraku has been defeated, the original Inu-tachi has had children of their own, one for each couple, and named them after their fallen loved ones. Inuyasha and Kagome had a daughter, and named her Kikyou. Miroku and Sango had a son, and named him Kohaku. There is a legend behind the two descendants of those who defeated Naraku, and the Inu-tachi found that their reign of peace was short lived, that a new threat was dawning, and their children would be the ones to defeat it. This chapter takes place shortly after the new Inu-tachi embark on the search for this new threat, Kohaku is now 18, and Kikyou is now 16.

**Authors Note: **This is only the first chapter and doesn't explain much about what is going on and how these events came into play. All the details regarding this story will be out shortly in a prologue chapter titled, "The Bad Beginning." Rated M for later content.

**Chapter One: Sibling**

**... ...**

"I could have handled it just fine, thank you very much. I don't need saving and I never will. Not every girl you see needs a hero to save her from a tiny, weakling spider demon." Kikyou threw a decrepit, long and hairy amputated leg into the pile alongside her along with the rest of the disassembled corpse of their last opponent. Brushing her hands off, she resumed the action with a casual air. "I'm not in need of any help from anybody. When are you going to get that through your thick, hollow skull?"

Kohaku said nothing, only pausing to inspect the bones protruding out of the scattered remains in search of a few with potential to be molded into new weaponry. He clenched one securely intact within the torso, the insides still fresh, and deftly pulled at it until a resounding crack rang through the forest and he grinned in triumph, holding it before his eyes and inspecting it in satisfaction.

He didn't mind her ramblings about his lack of intelligence, he happened to be used to it as a matter of fact. Kikyou glared in his direction when she failed to receive an answer. She just needed to reassure herself, and he knew very well of that. So he held his tongue and allowed her to vent.

Kikyou looked down at the tattered limb she grasped and snapped it in two with an effortless ease, grimacing as she did so. "See if this is good enough." she called, picking up a second body part identical to the one she broke and tossing it to the bouzou.

He caught it, and used a scalping knife to tear away the layers of flesh until he caught sight of ivory bone. "A bit weak…" he said, then glancing up at the raven-haired quarter demon he tried to amend his mistake. "But it is a fine choice for the base of a staff! There will be some use for it."

"You and Sango had better make some good ones this time. The last Niigata was a piece of crap. Splintered and I didn't even use it yet." she mumbled, raising the head of the demon in her palm and gazing dazedly at it. Her arm bobbed it from side to side making it dance for her amusement. The numerous eyes that bordered its pincer mouth were now vacant and diaphanous.

"Of course your brutal treatment of the blade had nothing to do with it." Kohaku stated sarcastically. He placed the last of their gatherings in the pile he had organized them into and stepped back to examine their findings. It was getting considerably late outside, the moon hid half its face behind a tuft of gray clouds, the stars were the sole offerings of light to the them while they searched, and even then they could barely see more than two yards ahead of themselves. Sango had insisted upon them scanning the remains though, since the spider had been a certifiably formidable foe. The rest of the group agreed, and the two younger ones were sent off while their parents rested. Kohaku heaved a sigh of relief and inhaled the brisk night air, then smiled at their pooled efforts. The aftermath of the battle was cleared and more armor would be made from the victory.

"This is a reasonably good haul. We can wrap these up and bring them back to camp." he turned toward Kikyou. "Ready?"

She hummed in response. Her expression was blank while she dropped the head and it landed with a repulsive thump. Rouge blood trickled, slithered down her forearm and pearled at her elbow; she watched the race between competing rivulets for a moment, then wiped her palm on her hakama, leaving a red smear there. He observed her actions in curiosity, then opened his mouth to speak, but was cut across.

"I wish you would stop doing that." Kikyou retreated from her perch on the boulder and stood facing him.

"What?"

"Trying to save me from things." she replied, her tone soft. "When we fight something, we fight it. We have to look out only for ourselves. That's how things get done."

Kohaku swallowed hard at first, thinking of all the occasions that he had pulled her from harms way, went in the direction of an attack to take the blow meant for her, protecting her all throughout combat. It took a solid length of time to remember so many memories, yet he recounted every last one from when they were children. There wasn't any way to explain it, it seemed like pure instinct in the beginning. When they would run off to play together, at least one of their parents never forgot to pull him aside while Kikyou frolicked off and remind him, 'Keep an eye on her, Kohaku-kun.' or, 'Make sure she doesn't get hurt!', 'Watch out for Kikyou.' until it became a defaulted habit on his part and carried on through the years. He knew her since the day of her birth. A lot has changed as they stand there, he was already regarded as a man, and she was a woman, even though they were not adults.

And more and more, Kikyou appeared to be drifting away. Or had he been isolating himself? Kicking a small pebble by his toe, he stalled his reply. She called him less, the last time he heard the word nii-san leave her lips was almost two weeks ago. "I don't know." A couple of steps forward his feet shuffled. He looked up and saw the moon finally revealing its face in full glow. He stared intently at it. "When we were little, Inuyasha first grabbed my shoulder and…made me promise something. He said, 'Do me a favor kid.' I nodded and he made me swear on my own life to never let anything happen to you. Back then I already knew because it was after that time you got bit by Idate when he shape shifted as that snake.

"And after I made that oath, it made me feel as if I really was your big brother. I wanted to be. You always made me feel important when you called me that."

Kohaku smiled and took in the features of the ground next. He noticed as his chuckle faltered and a blush grew, Kikyou eyed him, and the manner in which he knew this without looking directly at her was because she hadn't made a smart or rude comment in return of such information. "You're my…my…"

He screamed at himself for being embarrassed of claiming her as anything relating to him. He was thankful for the thin bangs that sat at his forehead and dropped his head down so that they might conceal his heated face. Keeping his focus on a snail languidly inching toward his foot, a thin trail of silver fluid streaking the ground behind it, Kohaku cleared his throat.

"You're my Imoutou-chan. And, I-I want to be there for you. Not only that, but you're the only friend I have besides Shippou and Kirara. I believe its normal for me to be protective of you, and want to keep you safe from harm." Kohaku lifted his foot and stepped back to allow the snail its passage. "All older siblings have that need to be needed, I guess."

"Nii-san." Kikyou whispered, and once he looked up and revealed his flushed face, she shook her head. "Is that it? I told you I'm not a little kid anymore-"

"I know that. Its just better for me to keep that small reminder that you used to be. We used to be-kids." He flashed a nervous lop-sided grin and motioned with the direction of his feet to trek the underbrush to the campsite where the others waited, he knew, anxious for them to return. "Nice to entertain that idea."

Gradually, they took their time to get there, and Kohaku was filled with a deep seated happiness at this. Growing up was a part of life, as well as everything else. Along the line ties bend and loosen with the wear and tear of the journey, bonds will break. It was natural for them to have been getting distant and the phrase big brother to be said less and less. Why did it feel like discouragement for him?

"Chichi-ue said that being out here would do this to us both. Make us develop faster than the average adolescents. There's a slight sliver of fear in me when I hear it. I'm scared that this might make us cold, hardened. The truth is, I don't want to change at all. I don't want to do this every day, I don't want to grow up." he thought, and chuckled.

Kikyou acknowledged this with a raised eyebrow. He glanced at her sheepishly. "Those girls in the villages we breeze through…" she began, and he saw her frown mentioning them. "they ask me if I'm related to you, because you call me your sister."

Kohaku wondered why she brought them up in this case. Her eyes found his and stayed there, suggesting that she was bold enough to discuss such a topic without any hesitation. "I tell them who you are to me."

He nodded. "And what do they say?"

"Nothing." The light of the fire ahead was clearly kindling and its warmth even spread to where they trudged in the thicket. Kikyou held her chin up and stared ahead. "When they go off they say plenty. They think I'm lying, don't care about it and say I could never be even the slightest bit acquainted with you. Maybe a family of demons they say…but never with you."

She looked at him again. "You seem to be very popular in every town we go to."

Finally, when he realized she was finished, he filtered the whole awkward situation. Was this the reason why she stopped referring to him as that? All in spite of a few women who had horrible manners. He wanted to tell her how bad it felt to be unknowingly stripped of his own title, but changed his mind and asked, "Are you feeling as though calling me that is giving me an excuse to be your hero all the time?"

She froze on the spot, at the very edge of the forest together, he halted as well and watched expectantly. Kikyou dropped the sack of bones he had not known she was carrying the entire time and the noise clattered in his mind, like the empty stirrings of objects long forgotten; and strode to him, placing her hand on his shoulder. A blinding pain shot through his back and neck, turning the world white in a second. Opening his eyes, he caught her sarcastic pitying expression and saw the blots of blood on her fingertips when she removed her hand from its place. He squeezed his wrist with the other hand to stop the flow of pain. He hadn't noticed it before.

"How long have you had that wound?" she questioned, then glanced at him. "Hasn't it healed yet?"

"I suppose it didn't." he said as Kikyou roughly yanked down his collar to inspect the gash that spread from the base of his neck to the start of his bicep. Her nails tenderly traced the skin surrounding it.

She spoke after a space for thought. "I'm not crippled and I'm not helpless. That you have to understand. I want to be able to be stronger than I am, because right now, there is someone out there trying to destroy us all." Kohaku cursed as she attempted to piece the separate folds of flesh on either side together. "But I know boys like to be reminded of how much someone else needs them, too."

Her eyes searched his. "It's stupid. When we were little it was enough to pretend to be my savior, to be there. Out here we have to be better or else we die. I understand it perfectly, I don't need any explaining. I don't care what happens, 'cause I'm used to taking my frustrations out on the things roaming in these woods that I share bloodlines in common with." She paused in fussing over the wound and dropped her hands to rest on his arms. The muscles there tightened on contact. "I can take care of myself." Kohaku shied from her stare, then scratched his head. "I know. After the fight with Hana you allowed me to help you. That was the first time you did though. I felt more like I was in your thoughts. People say that when we get older, we drift apart. That its natural. I want to stay as your Nii-san. But the less you say it the more it feels like we really aren't related…"

He admitted to himself long ago that normal problems, disagreements, would evidently sever their imagined kinship. They could not pretend it forever! It was a thing that happened, all childhood friends were lost to each other when the years caught up to them. And he accepted it with no rejections. He remembered when he wished he was as brave as her. When they were young comrades.

"Nii-san, I don't know you enough, but I always figured we knew each other better than everybody else." Kikyou took a step through the bushes that divided the cleared site for their residence and the jungle of trees they stood in. "We've been searching for Maburoshi just a week now. All we have is each other, right?"

Kohaku could muster a single "Yes." alone.

"Then I won't have to worry about you telling anybody about this little talk we had, hm?"

He smiled. "It isn't likely, Imoutou-chan."

She looked at him and gave the semblance of a smile back, folding her arms. "Good. Now, _Nii-san…if you're done being afraid of killing things…_For me having to carry this heavy thing, you'd better make some good things to crush stuff with."

Dragging the bag of demon bones behind her, Kohaku followed close behind Kikyou, peeking at the ground as they passed through the leaves and greeted their family, making sure that there were no snakes anywhere writhing at their feet.

**A/N**: theworldsgreatest01 openly welcomes reviews and criticism. to theworldsgreatest01, all reviews are good reviews.


	2. Fears

**Disclaimer: **theworldsgreatest01 does not own Inuyasha.

**A/N: **open to reviews or questions.

**Chapter Two: Fears**

... ...

Oto-san always thinks he's stronger than me but I don't pay much attention to it because he knows very well that I've beaten him like a dirty, old rug in every competition he tries to air out his tired muscles in, and he's certainly aware that all his traits were passed down to me and mixed with Oka-san's that makes me way stronger than he, a half-demon is. Sure, he has Tetsusaiga from the old man who's his father and he claims to be feared by every demon in the east and west still he's no match for me. Actually, I don't think I can't take on that old guy in a little sparring. I'd wipe the floor with him, even though he's supposed to be the biggest and the baddest. Hah. As I always say, bring it on. Okay, so maybe I'm bragging a bit, as Shippou always tells me, reminds me constantly to stop showing off that I am the strongest of our group. I am so why should I not let them know! The puny runt gets on my nerves sometimes with the harassments and bossy attitude of his, when I can just put my foot on him and squish him just like that. But fortunately, Oto-san feels that way too, he's been feeling that way since he first met him. And the kid is afraid of everything. It wouldn't do it much justice to call him a coward. I believe he has elevated past that level, but then again, it wouldn't be right to call him a kid, since he is older than Nii-san and I combined. After all, he took care of us both when we were just helpless babies. He said Nii-san was always the quiet, passive, timid baby. I was the biter, screamer, kicker…etcetera. I usually was the disruptive one. The kitsune is really a scaredy-cat though. That explains why he couldn't handle me. I wouldn't like to be handled by the way. I hate it when the scrawny men we meet along our travels tell me to stay in a woman's place. A woman's place?! I'd have half the mind to slap him like those prostitutes he pays for his nights alone! Surely they're all joking. Most of them actually believe men are dominant to females. They look at me and see a girl, but they feel a blow from my fist and know I'm a fighter. It frustrates me at times when men can be so dense…

This is besides the point though…ahem, back to Shippou. The slightest movement in the dark ticks him off, sends him shouting straight into my ear, the second to the most sensitive one in our ragtag family. Come to think of it, I have reason to say that Shippou might be the only one out of all of us who's easily frightened. I don't get shaken up at all, to tell the truth. I'm told that it's because I have so much of my father in me.

Great. Now even I'm admitting that I have more masculine genes running through my veins than dainty, girly ones. Sometimes I wish I coulda' turned out like my Oka-san. Oh, how they talk, all the villagers, how pretty my mother is, the miko Kagome. But what ever happened to their poor daughter! It has to be the work of that Inuyasha…what a horrible burden to be tied down to such an anomaly of a husband and grotesque child! They say.

At times I just want them all to go someplace, far away, or them to hush at the very sight of my presence, no, the very sense of me walking past, like they do with Oto-san. One glare and they fall back to their stupid chores with a shallow cough and not another word. Most of them think he might kill them as soon as look at them. Who wouldn't be a slight bit traumatized when he carries the Tetsusaiga at his hilt and side, never taking his hand off of its sheath. Only around us.

Me, no, I happen to get the reaction of whispers, and if I try the death-glare like my father I get titters of humiliation and stares, people speaking in hushed voices, "I told you that girl is nothing like her mother. More of her father in her…those piercing eyes. Such a shame…" It's not like I pay much attention to it, although the comments make me angry. Shame? What's a shame when I can kick your ass whenever I feel like it? I bet they'll never say anything to my face! I bet!

I'm not sorry for that little input by the way. Yeah, things are getting aggravating now, so naturally, I'll blow my top for a while, cool off some steam. Or blow off some, well-you know. I'm not afraid of them. Hm. Just considering the idea is funny.

So when Oto-san and Miroku and Sango wanted to go to the nearest village and rest before we set out again I didn't have any objections. Right here on this tall roof overlooking the weakling old men, pregnant women and snot-nosed kids running around is where I'll be until we leave. Akebi village is filled with the same faces each morning because there is such a low population and the peasants who founded it kept their roots here, so practically each one person is related to everyone else in the village almost.

Seeing identical bodies and complexions, eyes and smiles flashing by me in a haste to do some chore or another just confuses me, so I stay on the roof to get a break. All of them enclosing me, breathing in my air and taking it from me, sucking it in with the force of a tsunami makes my chest constrict, so I hop up as quick as possible to the next highest place away from it. Bodies crushing together trying to get by, pushing and shoving are too much for me. Of course it's not a phobia like other crazy humans have. A thing is what I call it.

Shippou doesn't like rats much, fighting scares him, and spiders haunt him…that's all I remember. Those are phobias I guess. Oh well, who cares. I must not have that much of a life if I'm sitting here analyzing the kid. Truthfully, I would rather be traveling to the nearest point of Maburoshi's whereabouts. We've been at it for three weeks now, ever since that spider demon attack. Shippou went for the hills while the rest of us battled it out. He doesn't do much.

Boring myself to death might be a more affective way to pass the time…maybe. Either way nightfall has come indeed, closer to tomorrow and we'll leave this place and the village headmaster's pathologically insane daughter alone. She seems to be attached to Nii-san and I think she'll die before ever letting go. It's hilarious to see him with her arms constricting his neck like those giant snakes, seizing his air and forcing the color from his face and the breath of his lungs to leave him. But he brings it upon himself!

Flirting is what he does with those clingy ones, smiling at them with that goofy, lop-sided grin that makes the girls fall to their knees and go limp like a wet noodle, reforming to his every command. It makes me sick to see how they touch him wherever and he lets them. Well…most of the time he tries to break away and always shivers when a hand trails down his skin, and that stupid blush on his cheeks! Oh please! Sissy!

Blush, blush, blush! That's all he ever does! Look at him, blush. Call his name in a cooing voice, blush. Touch his hand, beet red facial tone in return. Oh sure, I've noticed that he inherited it from Sango. The way her cheeks flush when Miroku leans over to her some moments and says something discreet, then she hangs her head and her face heats up. Whatever he says can't be for children's ears so I guess that's why she does that. And Nii-san can do an exact replica of the maneuver, speak of anything private and secretive and he will embark upon the routine as well as Sango herself! Hide his face with his bangs and everything! It's entertaining, sometimes annoying, then most girls find it…how do you explain? Oh, right! Adorable. Cute. Blech.

Speaking of Nii-san, his whole protector attitude. He may _think_ of me as his little sister, but he is sadly mistaken. During this journey, my abilities will come into the spotlight, and by the end, I'll be the new legend.

Following over my father's footsteps-no, making new and even better ones. Yes. The Great Wind of the West. Or the Wrath of the West. I like the sound of that.

Respected. Maybe that's what I want out of this, to be respected. Revered.

This hunt for the head of Maburoshi will prove to them all how much I don't need anyone to watch over me. I am my own protector! The granddaughter of the great Inutaisho, Kikyou!

Now it makes sense. I'll get my rights to be the best without anyone telling me what to do, meddling after me, or trying to save me from anything!

I won't need saving. Ever. After this is all done….I'll be written in history!

I won't have to have Nii-san or anyone help me. That's what I want. I know it.

It's what I want. Right? Right….

"Are you sure?"

"What??" I sprang from my meditative position into a full combative stance, out of instinct and habit, then in alarm too. To see him looking up at my wild expression, I relax. "Nii-san. What the hell gives you the right to intrude on my thoughts? I don't listen in on your psycho-talk."

A grin graced his serene features, and then vanished as quickly as it had come. "I didn't say you couldn't." I leaned over the ledge of the roof and watched him shuffle his feet below. "Imoutou-chan it isn't wise to hold a conversation with yourself." I folded my arms and held up my chin. "You should talk!"

"My doing it doesn't mean that it is okay. Other people stealing doesn't justify the sins of thievery." He recited, holding his hands behind his back. It was a continuous reminder of our attentive spirits and the nervous effect the constant onslaughts we happen upon in unsuspecting places and in our sleep have on us. I already know his fists are clenched so tight that the white of his knuckles show.

"Did you just come out here to lecture me you little hypocrite? It's not like I'm going to even think twice about stealing anything from out of this bread basket."

He looked up at me with a lop-sided curl of his lips. I don't think Nii-san's smile has changed much within the years of our development. It has the same reminiscent qualities that bring me back to the days when we were children. "I came to tell you it's decided that we are leaving this-bread basket-at the first signs of daybreak."

Keeping my half-lidded stare from way down there he seemed shorter than me rather than the actual several inches he usually stood taller. I enjoyed it. "I know that. I've been counting the minutes." I stretched out and lowered my chin in my arms folded onto the soft straw of the roof. "I should kill you for being nosy."

"Well, it is a little boring around here. I don't have anything to do other than wait." Nii-san mumbled, stepping backward to view my position on the perch above his head. "It's too quiet."

"Oh! You finally got rid of the headmaster's delusional little princess? Did you have to drug her first, or wait until she blinked and run as fast as you could?" I snickered, and he blushed…again.

He smiled fleetingly and scratched the area around the nape of his neck as I have seen him do many an occasion, and a shaken expression formed like a bashful cloud on his face. I studied the downcast baleful eyes of his with conspicuous glee.

"I told her I wanted to go and look for you, but the latter of your perception will suffice for my escape plan. She didn't listen to any request I had for my release, so I begged to be allowed out her sight long enough to relieve myself, and once she gave her consent and I was far from her guards I made a clean break for it."

I collapsed in unrestrained laughter, gripping my sides that burned from the force of it. I couldn't help it. Nii-san is such a stupid, sweet fool. His complications with women are my source of hilarity. I often wonder what his next great accomplishment will be that leads up to him breaking out of the future prison another girl is sure to encage him in.

"I'm just glad my misery can bring you to at least give off a semblance of a smirk in these harsh times." he looked up at me wistfully. We both often tried our best to forget the fact that every day is a battle for our own mortality. Have I really been smiling less and less these days?

I watched him kick a stray rock stalling at his foot. A grocer passed by him, bowing as he went in reverence, most likely in return of seeing the small ponytail at the back of his head as his insignia for his occupation. If it weren't for that, he would not have recognized it because his garb was in dispose at the time: torn and ripped from battle, and he now wore one of the old festival robes the headmaster lent him. The fabric was pretty expensive, well priced and garishly colored, outrageous tones that he probably hates wearing so much that he can't wait for his robes to be tailored. Nii-san nodded in favor of the display of respect and a showing of courtesy. While the old man pushed his cart by, he glanced up and saw me, his eyes widening and his jugular quivering as he gulped. I stared him down as he passed by. How pathetic…like he's never seen a person on the roof before.

"So what you want is to be on your own? You have no desire for my assistance." he said, waiting for the man to pass and redirecting his attention to me.

I sat up into a cross-legged position and held my ankles in my hands. "Exactly. And I stand by that, for sure. I'm old enough to take care-"

"-I thought we already discussed this last week. Or do we have unfinished business in that category?"

"No one told you to eavesdrop. I'm only telling you my thoughts." I concluded, throwing my head to the side. The sun was making its way to the thin stretch of horizon that separates the end of the land and where the sky begins, sinking to the depths of it, the rays slowly dissipating out of view. The clouds are cumulating overhead, and coloring the skies a navy and fair blue. A storm might come. I don't understand how the cycles work, why rain forebodes the worst.

His voice reached me from far away. "And you make fun of Shippou's fears. What could he have to do with your wants?" A gust of wind suddenly blew across the village; I see the standing markets being covered with boards, mothers coaxing their children indoors and men offering their associates shelter inside.

The air was a bit damper than the ground below when it hit my cheeks and lifted my hair, so I stood and walked off the roof, landing effortlessly onto the dirt coated side street in front of Nii-san. "Because he's a little punk. He's the only one out of all of us that's afraid of stuff. Always scared of something or another!" I replied, a second breath of wind whipping my hair across my face, blowing the bangs from my eyes.

Nii-san also mediated the change in weather with squinted eyes, then responded in a voice low enough to go unheard but deep enough to be acknowledged. "You assume this is true, but you aren't truly sure. Shippou has a reason to be afraid. Once he thought he was safe, a long and terrible war won. Now yet again he is thrust back into the fray, his life in danger a second time. It is common for one to build up anxiety from such a period of calm and then more calamity.

"I imagine now he holds his livelihood in great importance because he already lived half of it on the brink of death at every turn. Then when you enjoy it for a moment, it is like drinking sake." I raised my eyebrows at him. "N-not that I would know…but once you have experienced happiness, and are forced to be put through fighting to live again, you are likely to develop a fear that you will not be able to…see it again."

By this time we were the only living souls left outside in the village, every hut was lighted in the interior with candles and stoves being heated for supper. A moderate drizzle had started but I was more intent on the logic in Nii-san's answer. He is always so precise and perfect with his explanations. Sometimes I wonder when he will ever be wrong about a thing. I knew why he let himself drag on the topic so fluidly, because he felt the same way. He is practically an open book.

"Maybe we should retreat?" he offered, a homely grin on his face replacing the longing in his gaze. I sought out a hut where the slit beneath the doorway would not be emanating a source of inhabitance, and I located one a quarter of a few houses away. I pointed to it and Nii-san fell in place behind me while I led the path toward the location with shrouded windows. It was a downpour now, but we both took our time getting there. My hair became water-heavy, and my clothes soaked to the extent that it attached itself to my skin.

"I guess you're right," I say, over the pattering of rain adamant around us and drowning my voice. "Its just that-well-there are times for being afraid…then there are times to be strong. Right now, there's no debate on the road to take. There's no room…to be scared of anything."

A sneeze came from behind me. Upon reaching the shelter, I peek inside to assure myself that it is vacant, then shuffle in and shake the dampness from my head. The tight space harbors a compression of heat from our bodies occupying it, although it is a bit dusty I take a seat on the wooden floor. The boards are worn and creak loudly when I settle. The square pit in front of me where logs are burned for warmth holds charred remains that appear to be still smoking.

Nii-san removes the outer garment of his haori and tosses it to the side, where it lands with a wet impact to my right and walks on bare feet to the corner where two discarded splint rocks lie. I draw my knees underneath my chin and drape my arms around my legs to watch the routine he enacts, hitting the stones together until a tiny spark leaps from the friction and spreads into a healthy fire before me. At first they lash out to me with vicious strikes, then he quickly throws small amounts of dirt onto the fire to tame it, and finally it calms. With a proud sound of content, he creeps to my side and sits down to my left.

"Kirara doesn't like the rain. I don't know if it's a fear, but she has a apprehensive dislike towards it. One drop of water and she runs. So," he wipes a renegade stream slithering down his temple from his damp hair and turns to me. "Shippou isn't the only one."

Rolling my eyes I scoff. "Kirara doesn't count."

"And why not? She assists us on our journey even more than Shippou does. Or is it because she fails to have the ability to believe in your standard of bravery?"

I lift my head and lean toward him, the crackling of the fire filling the space of time I use to give a moment for my thoughts to manifest. "All I'm saying is that now isn't the time for being sentimental or afraid. If people want to live they have to ignore-"

"The simple qualities of being human?"

"Well maybe I don't like your way because I'm not all human!" I retort, frowning.

That I didn't want to broach, but he pushed me to it. I accept that he gives me a sideways look. He expected me to use my lineage as an excuse to exit the conversation. But fears! Who would think of them when all that matters is kill or be killed? Maybe I used the fact that my father passed on the demon blood in his veins to flow through mine as a way to disassociate myself with Nii-san. I know he grows impatient whenever I bring it up, but I see it as the easiest way out, not as a barrier that I conjure to imply that he has no idea what I experience and emphasize the fact that we are different.

I turn my head to the other side to avoid the disappointment his expression showed. When he spoke and I looked into his eyes, they scolded me. "You are more human than you are youkai."

He speaks the truth. Sure, I can pull out the demon card, but he will overlap it with his own use of intelligence and correct me. Nii-san will, if I may add, jump on the chance to prove me wrong. Or if he can learn a tidbit of a secret I keep to myself, he will badger me until I acquiesce to his attempts to wriggle it from me, which is why it is difficult for us to keep things from each other. In conclusion, leading up to this and last weeks long talk about our feelings and views. Ever since the start of this journey, he has been looking, seeking any opening I leave for his explorations into the depths of my mind. How I wish he would just leave me the hell alone!

But no, I can now refer to this meeting between the two of us as mental therapy for our thoughts to be expressed and analyzed, in the hopes of continuing on without losing our sense of self. I don't like to be analyzed. He knows full damn well of that. "Alright, Nii-san. What do you want from me?"

His smile irks me. "For you to tell me why you are so protective of your weaknesses. It is human nature to fear, to be afraid. You can't bottle emotions. One day they will overflow and you will not be able to digest it all, resulting in a solid wall that blocks off the world. You have to express your shortcomings. They are the only ways to realize your potential."

I search his eyes with a shake of my head. "I don't have the time to consider that kind of crap. You don't either. Otosan and Okasan and Miroku and Sango don't show their fears because they have none!"

He slowly shook his head. "You're wrong. Haha-ue and Chichi-ue have told me their shortcomings in full confidence, and I am sure that Inuyasha and Kagome have fears as well. It was told to me that fears must be suppressed for the exchange of courage, but they always have to be confided in. We are all only human, but even in our case we are only beginning to understand."

"Oh, fine then! I don't feel like telling mine! I don't have any for you to assuage. Speaking them will only make them greater anyway!"

"So you admit you have them." He ducked his head to look at my averted gaze.

"If you're so intent on learning about my deep-rooted fears, why don't you tell me yours?"

Aha! I spit out a comeback well enough to make him ponder. I smirk when Nii-san considers this, leaning back on his forearms and staring at the ceiling with a serious outlook. His pupils dash around the room, then focus on the fire kindling at our naked feet.

When he finally speaks, his voice breaks. "I think…no, well, yes. I think that I…can't tell you that."

"What?!" I shriek. He's kidding! "How are you going to interrogate me when you didn't even plan on telling me your fear??"

He sat up straight and kept his eyes on the orange and red flames, I see them dancing in his iris. "This hunt that we have to do; this destiny we are bound by has made us both hardened to each other. I would tell you confidently and without hesitation if it were in a situation where I feel as though I would not need to put up such shields."

I shove him to the side, away from me. My temper was flared by that stupid statement. Not comfortable? I feel my body tense with anger, filling my head with unkind things to say that he would not take too kindly to hearing. It felt as though he was belittling my presence beside him, thinking that after half of our lives spent together, I was not worth trusting. He was the one drifting away…

Unfolding my legs, I place my hands on the floor to get up and leave. I can still hear the continuous pounding of the rain beating against the hut. His grip around my wrist is soft, yet firm enough to still my movement and look into Nii-san's eyes and not let mine waver.

"You don't want to be alone." he murmurs.

I swallow against a sudden knot in my throat and stare into his hazel eyes, every now and then I glance at his features, sympathetic yet respectful all the same. "Yes." I answer truthfully, and stand over him.

"Imoutou-chan."

A stalwart force thrusts the fabric concealing the threshold back, allowing the rain to shower us both for the space of a second, spraying my dried hinezumi no koromo and crippling the fire. I stand there and allow the burst of air to jolt me from my current state, close my eyes and breathe deeply before it was swept back to the outside, the storm roaring beyond our safe haven.

I woke up. At a glance I saw him with his head down to the floor, but looking past it most likely, to his thoughts hidden deep in the confines of his mind. So many layers…it would be hard to tell what he pondered. His eyes never revealed much.

"But I can't let that hold me. This isn't the time to be afraid of that." I said, observing my hands. Small cuts decorated the calluses in my palms from wielding weapons.

He spoke with a voice that reminded me of when we were children. His eyes sought mine with such innocence that I almost tasted those days. His countenance seemed to beg for me to show empathy. "I don't want to go out there."

And then I understood what his fear had been all along, but I said nothing. I only hoped he would bury it deep within himself, and only bring it forth when the storm had settled, the rain stopped, and the sun would peer over the horizon again, brimming with new life.


	3. Artificer

**Disclaimer: **Again, this author, theworldsgreatest01, does not own Inuyasha.

**A/N: **theworldsgreatest01 is very sorry for being a clutz and a dimwit. This is the actual chapter three, and the chapter masquerading as chapter three was actually chapter four. The reason for the mix-up was this: this author had left on a previous chapter that they were going to be lazy and non-consistent by uploading the later chapters before even finishing the prologue chapter because of this author's restless anticipation of what the readers would think of the new material, and the author did just this, but was confused when they uploaded what they thought was the third chapter but was really the fourth. The author foolishly assumed that they had numbered the chapters wrong, and placed it on the list as the third chapter anyway. Now, when the author returned home, they were still troubled by the conundrum and proceeded to investigate by review all the chapters. This author noticed a gap and researched everything and read every chapter of this story painstakingly, as if they were trying to find the cure for cancer when...aha. This author finally found the problem. The actual third chapter had been hiding in the confines of a usb drive, and the author was confused earlier and had uploaded the wrong chapter because they had uploaded from the computer, which was lacking the usb drive, of course. So, let the author apologize again for the inconvenience and correct the error immediately. Other than that, enjoy.

**Chapter Three: Artificer**

**... ...**

I can say with an almost positive manner that our journey is taking its toll on us a great deal, but it lessens the fatigue when, in-between the tumult of our daily lives, I am still able to behave my age instead of that of an adult, and this is accomplished only in the company of Imoutou-chan, and while she gives the pretense of being agitated by my 'neediness' as she calls it, I am fully aware of her slowly yet surely growing an extensive love for our budding sibling relationship. This includes long, drawn out conversations about the last demon we killed as our parents look on, commenting on how bizarrely absorbed we appear to be in slaying demons, or discussing complications we run into while attempting to deal with the matters of maturing, questions needing to be answered, so on and so forth.

A full three months have passed that we have been searching for Maburoshi and the days have been following a routine that I can manage. Being ambushed in our sleep has made us grow accustomed to being light sleepers, paying more attention to our surroundings and seeking our destinations extensively have made us disciplined and intuitive, one battle after another has honed our combative skills.

But enough of that, the fact that Imoutou-chan fully trusts me with her thoughts allows a sense of security to envelop me. She frequently leads me to separate places where we have our privacy and she can ask me numerous questions, seek my advice or show me a new technique that needs critiquing. Our bond as comrades and siblings has grown much stronger, without any doubts as to what might be in the future, yet for now I know that we are getting to be used to this lifestyle, contrary to our parents, who feel right at home sleeping under the stars.

At first, I was a little unsettled by it. I'll admit that being on the road, traveling all the time and putting my life on the line has scared me. All I needed was to know that I had our companionship though. And Imoutou-chan and I have been able to knead our adolescent affairs around this situation with ease now. We can still be a normal pubescent young man and woman now that we have learned the qualities of our journey.

So we both find our spare time filled with being light-hearted and whimsical, forgetting the point of it all for a while, then when the time comes to pick up another lead on Maburoshi, we put away our personal lives and put on our courage.

For now, it was the time of our lives to be stalled with simplicity. Youkai had come from the forefront of a range of mountains we had happened to pass by, evidently spurning to injure at least one of us for a meager taste of the power that Maburoshi promised them. The overall bout was quite easy to say the least. I reopened a cut in my abdomen, but it was nothing that a nice therapeutic plant could not mend, and continuous remarks on how weak I am from my Imoutou-chan.

We excused ourselves from the group to wander into the auburn woods that housed bronze colored leaves signaling the approach of fall. Curiosity fueled our exploration as well as a minute away from our parents, whose wing we were feeling a bit suffocated underneath. Well, I am just fine in the company of Chichi-ue and Haha-ue. Maybe…I might get a little uncomfortable in their presence all the time-as I have told Imoutou-chan. She likes to meander the forest alone, I have noticed, with her own thoughts, but most of the time she enjoys my company.

The dead leaves crackled underneath our fluid strides and coated the ground in varying shades of gold. I looked down at my feet to see them almost swallowing my toes from their places on my straw sandals, it appeared as though I walked through an amber sea. The scenery was worth an artists' brush it was so captivating, and I am sure Imoutou-chan felt that way as well, for ahead of me I watched her twirl around childishly, her hair lifting with the breeze.

I was never really the type to observe women too extensively, unlike my father. Oh, how many rumors there are-and his reputation! They truly are extensive to say the least…and then once the stories are told, Haha-ue is furious, Chichi-ue is somber, and the girl telling the tales turns to me and exclaims, "Oh you're the monk's son then? You must be just as good, if not better at his practices!"

Oh, the embarrassment and how disappointed they are when they find that I am not in the least similar to Chichi-ue. Yes, I have been told that I am the mirroring visage of my mother as far as relations with the opposite sex. It's not that I am afraid of their advances, although it is quite rattling to be pummeled by females, the touching and hugging…it makes me uneasy.

I know men at my age, a prime of eighteen years old, are expected to have already lost their virginity and seek after brides and other women to simply bed them. But certainly it is sensible that I have not thought much about this considering my circumstances. Yes, I am aware that when we stop at villages they practically submit themselves underneath me; Inuyasha has commented on whether or not I would 'just sleep with the wench already and get on with it.' Hah. Has anyone ever paid attention to how tasteless their actions are?

Okay. Not all of them are promiscuous. There were a few who were radiant past all expectations, with hearts brimming with beauty and small significant qualities that set each apart from the rest. I remember one girl clearly, her name was Nozomi. Oh, her smile was enough to make me fall to pieces! My face was forever heated in her presence. This was when I was fourteen. It is a distant memory.

So I am not completely unaware of the women around me-there's a feeling inside the pit of my stomach that wants, no-needs-to recognize the power point of love reflected from me into another. I do agree that it proves the fact I have taken up my father's hopeless romantic derision, to focus rather on what might be, rather than what is. There is only this special something that I have to notice in that someone…I don't know what it is, but it is of paramount that I see it.

I don't know how to deal with the things I feel when it comes to expressing myself, being with a woman or touching her…I am virtually clueless! Chichi-ue has been trying to teach me and inform me of the trivialities of loving another and engaging in sexual activities. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. People expect me to be intimate, perverted, irresistibly charming and devilishly suave because I am Miroku's son. Even he sets those standards for me! But somehow all the women that come across my path have not interested me.

And here I lead myself to my parents' suspicions of Imoutou-chan and I. I am sure their ideas of what we are doing now, away from the rest of them are severely distorted. I'm not fully sure I can say that I have any attraction toward her as a woman…she is very beautiful to enunciate the least. Brave, strong, haughty, aggressive, stubborn, impulsive, funny, intelligent…these are all the different and interesting qualities I associate with her. My eyes can frequently be found staring at her and memorizing every detail of her appearance, each word she says I cling onto and dissect to further understand whatever story she weaves, each outrageous or obscene one as well. I follow every gesture in earnest and she has never failed to make me smile or make me laugh. There is no one person who I know better than I do her.

Now, as for an infatuation with my Imoutou-chan…well, I do not think of it often. I admire her. Her eyes are like the sun, brilliant beyond all measure, her tresses are like raven's water and her smile is warming to the depths of my chest. She is similar to the light of day and I feel alive around her, when she is depressed or troubled the world seems off-balanced and I too am hit with a wave of sadness. It is as if she can control my emotions with little effort-come to think of it, I don't believe that she realizes this.

For the moment I bask in her light-hearted nature. She is my Imoutou-chan to me after all. How would it look, for a boy to yearn for his sibling, his younger sister at that? I couldn't see myself with her, but yet I do. Not as a lover of course, but as a guardian, or rather- an equal. It is natural for me to not see myself right without her when we have shared our lives from the very beginning. It is! It truly is completely natural!!

She spun around on her heel to look at me and smile. A funny one, appealing. It caught me by surprise so the only reaction I could conjure was to attempt a crooked grin in return. That simple action had disturbed my thoughts to say the least, and called me back to the realm of the living. I delve into the trivialities of my mind quite too often.

Blowing her bangs from her eyes, she pouted and crossed her arms. "You've been quiet. What kind of bullshit monk crap could you be thinking about this time?"

"Oh, it isn't important." I closed my eyes and waved a careless hand. "Just mindless thoughts."

Imoutou-chan scoffed in irritation, but before I had the chance to take a fleeting glance at her expression, she had turned from me and taken a few steps away. "You always think. Is there ever a moment when you just go with your gut? Wondering about the world won't get you any farther in life than you are now. Can't get anywhere by dreaming all the time."

I started to feel as if she hated the fact that I spent more time with my own manifestations than with her. Was she jealous of the interpersonal relationship I had? "But dreams are the embodiments of the future. All that is around us began with a single fantasy, that turned into a dream, that turned into a plan that molded itself into being." I felt like a fool sounding off the teachings of Chichi-ue and my religion in a slow, monotonous voice.

Imoutou-chan must have noticed it as well, for she snapped her head to me with a suspicious, albeit worried, stare. "And if they don't be?" she said, her eyebrows closely knit.

I chuckled. For what, I have no idea. It was a stupid reflex. Silence followed, with her attempting to read my downcast eyes and me searching for something, just a single relevant answer to such a simple question. Blank. I had no clue what to say. We stood there listening to the songs of the bird and the screeching of the hawks and the soundless moving of the trees as the wind blew through them. The whole feel of it was relaxing, yet we were hard-pressed to release the knots of tension in our muscles. I inhaled the scents of woodland and birch when she shifted her position.

The dead leaves crunched underneath her feet. "Then I guess they…float on the line between that which is fake and that which is real." I answered.

"As I said, bullshit!" she called, and her voice seemed far away. I looked up and realized that she was almost ten feet down the road and still walking. Hah, I had forgotten that those meaningful, thought-provoking words would mean just that in Imoutou-chan's ears. She was not one easily swayed by sugar-coated phrases or wooed by the most romantic occasion a man could bring to life. The yearnings of a small village girl of a home on a hilltop overlooking a waterfall, a handsome fiancé who brought her a horse-drawn carriage and a rose every morning-Imoutou-chan would laugh at, considering the notions incredibly sappy.

Which is what set her apart from the rest in a special way. I know that the man who falls in love with her will have a pretty hard time getting her to reciprocate. And, oh of course he would never win her over. No, she definitely would murder the man who thought of her as a prize to be won. Ah, how emphatic I feel for the poor soul that does become infatuated with her!

I caught up to her, but she didn't stall her pace. "You're going to leave me here on such a note?" I asked, my eyes wide. Truly, I was sincere.

Clearly, I was barely lucid. She snorted with a sarcastic grin and continued to keep her eyes ahead. That question was so idiotic that I figure she thought it did not even require an answer. I wouldn't blame her if she misconstrued it to be a rhetorical one. Slightly injured, I fell into step behind her like a dog with its tail between its legs. I felt just as much, because Imoutou-chan could at least be a bit sympathetic with me. I suppose she was frustrated, so I didn't want to set off an alarm by attempting to say anything else. So I remained silent.

After a while I saw her roll her amber eyes. "Do you put up that poor helpless act with all those little fillies at the villages? That might explain why they fawn after you so eagerly." She stopped and raised an eyebrow at me with her arms still crossed one over the other.

"An act?" I parroted stupidly. I didn't know what she meant by that, but now I realized that in every single conversation we had, it does not slip her mind to mention the "little fillies from the village."

A finger was pressed against the middle of my forehead and I stared, afraid, at the sneering face in front of mine as she drilled harder into my skull. Imoutou-chan is a force to be reckoned with. She leaned closer with every word while I leaned back, the finger at my head guiding me backward. "You think you're so smart don't you? Trying to pull that shit off on me. Well, I can tell you that unlike all those air headed twits I won't fall at your feet sooner than you fall at mine." By this time my spine was bending to its full extent.

She concluded the reply with a sharp jab from her finger that nearly made me topple over. "I don't know what act you're talking about. But I wouldn't try to pull anything off on you, Imoutou-chan." I rubbed gingerly at the tender spot. "That much is true."

"Why not?"

I was shocked at the nature of those two words put together regarding pulling something off on her. My face heated and most likely turned bright red. I tried my best to conceal it with my bangs but the force of her exclamation startled me into fright.

"There! Why do you do that?!" she shouted, pointing at me.

Bewildered, I looked around. "What?"

She walked up to where I stood and gripped my chin in her palm, forcing my blush to grow more fervent, and touched my burning cheek. The contact sent a strange and pleasant fluttering inside my abdomen. Ignore it, ignore it. Even if she was so close, it doesn't matter…she is my younger sibling. That is all she will ever be. I swallowed to replenish my dry throat.

"Blush. Sango does it when Miroku speaks to her in whispers, you do it when those women embrace you, yet you do it if I just look at you a certain way. Why?" she mumbled, her iris concentrating on the red of my face. "Why do people do that?"

Suddenly, there was a part of me that wondered if she sought out the knowledge of this to learn, or to know what my motive was for allowing it to appear. Can I hold it back and chase it away? I've never tried it, although there have been many opportunities that I could have…Explaining it might be a knotty topic to broach. To say the bodily function is attributed to affection and deep rooted endearment like my father elaborated unto me would be quite disturbing. And what she had asked was correct. I did it in her company as well. Why? I don't know. My manners are to be aloof and distant. Much like my parents. I think closeness disrupts me, which is the reason for that. Of course it is! It would never be the latter! To even suggest that is-just absurd!

And my answer was just that. Absurd. "Men do it in the presence…of-of a b-beautiful wom-m-man…and you-well, being you…"

Her eyes widened at my words like a flower blooming to the spring. They were pretty in fact. A strong, regal gold in battle; a soft and sincere amber in calm. I never did once tell Imoutou-chan she was beautiful and I do not think that any other man has taken the chance to tell her so. Which can take its toll on a girl. She must know the degree of her own beauty, and someone must let her in on this secret. Yes, I believe her mother has cooed to her countless times on how radiant her features are, but hearing it from a member of the opposite sex is quite different. Mothers say things just to make their children happy. It is only in the perception of others that one can truly know something about themselves. I wanted to give her that. So I continued.

"For one, um, your-your eyes are b-b-beautiful…and, uh-" Sweat coated my forehead at this point under the stunned watch of Imoutou-chan. The blush had spread to my neck and ears. "You are, um, beautiful. Th-that's w-why I may…blush with you."

Her body language spoke volumes of how flattered she was as a lady, yet she refused to look me in the face and instead took shuffled steps ahead of me, her hands straying to low branches as she went and caressing the leaves. Did she want me to follow, or what? I stood there speculating my next move and fretting. Had I said the wrong thing? I told her what she was…she was pretty. Or perhaps she had no desire to broach the subject?

A shifting passed through the tress as she lie her back against a wizened sapling. After a second spell of quiet, she lifted her head. Her gaze was steadfast to the grove beyond us.

"No one ever told me that." she said, softly.

I flashed a lop-sided grin. "Well, it is true. You are, Imoutou-chan. That's why I blush around you the most." Where had that come from? "I-I mean--" It was gone before I could take it back.

She shot her eyes into mine and stared intently, and I might add, sorrowfully. And with an innocence that was not faked. I tried my best to hold it, but it seemed impossible for me to do so. Her sight was forcing her to find some type of lie in mine, a fraction of false pretense to prove me to be a liar. But I held common ground because I know her, her ways and how she tries to find the worst in people before she finds the best. Not that Imoutou-chan is pessimistic, although she can be at times-she is realistic. When she searched for naught, her eyes turned damp.

I was instantly seized with the powerful urge to hug her and hold her form within my embrace and protect her. Just to feel the trembles of her heart against my chest. I hadn't held my younger sibling, and I pleaded to make up for lost time. The thoughts inside my mind swirled like torrents with ideas, questions and possibilities-maybe I was not understanding this feeling or concept. Things were setting off balance with this new, unexpected yearning. There were standards and principles, millions of reasons why not to do that, yet I shut myself to them. If only for a moment, I wanted to.

At my first motion toward her, she was the one who bolted forward and threw herself against me, her hands searching my back with angry strokes and her chest heaving as she drew breath after breath as furiously as she meshed my body into hers. My arms were held away from her while she buried her face in my neck and ran her fingers through my hair, I was unsure of how to respond. The manner in which she chose to embrace me was more than suggestive, and made my senses heighten in a way unbecoming of me. But then I felt the trembling and shuddering her frame took over. The soft sobs elicited in my ear where her head was resting at my shoulder, and the dampness running there. That is when my arms enfolded her. She hadn't wanted this, yet it was not something to want but rather to need. I knew after this small interval, we would return to the realm of reality and face it all again as if it had never happened. And it won't be mentioned in public during any circumstance. But if only for this time, I touched her hair and closed my eyes before I went back to the stage and hid behind the mask.

**A/N: **This chapter was designed to explore Kohaku's ambiguity toward Kikyou and the sexual frustration these two teenagers have to endure traveling with their parents and friends and going without contact with people they haven't known their entire life for months at a time. For example, if you, the reader, were stuck in a closed-in apartment with several people and not allowed contact with the outside world, anyone would start to attract you, even if one of the people happened to be Clay Aiken. No matter what gender you are. So, off from the horrible joke, this chapter begins to explore the growing tension between the two and how so much time spent together has led them both to develop stronger emotions toward each other, which Kohaku addresses in telling Kikyou that she is beautiful, and her reaction to this fortells the events to come. Thank you for reading.


	4. Stars

**Disclaimer: **theworldsgreatest01 does not own Inuyasha and does not wish to. Too much work.

**Authors Note: **theworldsgreatest01 actually wrote the chapters before the prologue explaining these events and has continued to do so, despite the need to explain to these readers about what in the world is going on. Yet, theworldsgreatest01 does not feel like writing the prologue, but nonetheless has started it by writing at least one sentence. Sorry, but explaining things is so boring to this fanfiction author. So since the worldsgreatest01 has already written at least eight chapters and still has only written one sentence for the prologue, the author has decided to just post them and give its readers, well, something to read. the author promises to finish the prologue soon so you won't have to continue asking, "What is going on??" Enjoy. (And sorry for the mix-up. This is actually chapter four. This author hopes that no one was confused by this inconvenience.

**Chapter Four: Stars**

**... ...**

My body hurts like hell. His body hurts like hell, Kirara's, Oka-san's, Oto-san's and Shippou's and hell, we all hurt like hell. I imagine none of us emerged unscathed from such a bloody war between a new foe we stumbled upon, called Kazekami. The little brat was also followed by a human ninja of some sort who looked much older than him, maybe older than Nii-san, but didn't show his face. Either way, we lost miserably. The ninja did probably the most damage. Damn it all, the other demon controlled the wind and manipulated it to disable the Kaze no Kizu so that my father had no way of using it. The Kongousouha was useless as well, so we were practically defenseless.

The anticipation of the night had us all uneasy because there could be a meager demon attack at any moment and we were in no condition to fight. Not even the badly wounded couldn't hitch a ride on Kirara because Kazekami had made sure of her immobilization by battering her limbs almost to the bone. Nii-san cradled her as a kitten in his free arm to his chest with the other in a sling. We all trudged silently in the dead of twilight in defeat and the feeling of carrying it upon our shoulders made everyone irritated. Especially with the wounds we sported irregularly on our bodies, so neither of us bothered to speak. Even Shippou remained stolid as we walked on. Usually his little chatterbox ass is just running like mad about stuff no one cares about, but this time he got hit bad right in the head, so I figure that knocked his brains into place.

I can calculate each blow down to the margin because they're throbbing like irreparable sores that cry out to me and let me know where they are. One is a deep cut at my collarbone and runs into my right breast, multiple scratches along my arms, another at the ribs, a black and blue on the thigh…and two bruises on one shoulder. Probably a broken bone somewhere, but-oh well. It's life. And I am pretty much pissed off at this point because, ah, yes-I forgot the bleeding opening on the bottom of my foot that I have to step on while we walk…I mean, how great is that? Fucking perfect.

Nii-san sends a furtive glance my way. I respond with a silent scoff when he looks at my left foot, and back into my eyes with a deep gentleness in his. He's concerned, I know. Right now, though, all I care about is settling down and resting. I believe that is all everyone cares for. Oka-san turned around to glance at my foot as well, and only then did I realize, watching my own faltering stride, that I had been limping. She leaned over to Oto-san. Covering her mouth with her hand, she whispered something; he nodded. Another look at me.

Great, now I'm a side-show performance. I roll my eyes at him, then stick out my tongue. He growls, but Miroku and Sango titter in response. This causes him to redirect his wrath for a moment. I take the opportunity to lose interest in the game, since my bones are deciding to punish me for now. Nii-san walked up beside me.

"Are you-"

"I'm fine!" I seethe before I hear his pity question. He knows I can take care of myself! How dare he try to drop that shit on me! I was fully aware of my own state thank you very much. But, I have to remember not to jump to conclusions. Nii-san regarded me with a bewilderment and furrowed eyebrows.

"-aware that we've been walking this path forever and haven't found a place to relax?" he finished, cautiously.

I blinked. "Oh. Well, um, yeah. Yeah! I knew that. Yes, we have." I acknowledged the lopsided smirk out the corner of my vision and made a mental note to severely "re-injure" him for it later. Pride twiddled down to nothing, I pouted and shook my head to the side, but my hair accidentally smacked Nii-san in the face, where the bandage on his cheek was enough to suggest the area was tender.

"Ouch!" he yelped. God, he didn't have to be such a girl about it.

"Sorry." I murmured, my own face going a bit pink for a while. "It wasn't on purpose."

We fell silent as he rubbed at the scuff on his chin awkwardly, the moon serving as the sole light for our grassy plain on which we meandered along. I wanted to desperately just outright fall-out and into a deep sleep wherever. If for the space of a second, because in all actuality the cut on my foot threatened me by the minute, the damn pounding in my thigh carrying the motions. All was quiet in the expanse. A few trees intersected this way and that, as if I cared. This little walk was longer than sorrow! I tried to take my attention away from the pain by observing the stars, more distinguished than normal nights, resembling diamonds shooting out threads, holding the moon up and suspending it on heaven's plate for my sight. I had begun to lose touch with reality when Shippou's wail cut through the stupor like a dull, pint-sized dagger. "I can't take it anymore you guys!! I'm too tired, my feet hurt and I just wanna go to sleep!! Even Kikyou's limping like some cripple!"

What? The little bastard had the nerve to point at me. We all stopped and formed a circle around him collapsed on the ground. Miroku sighed and said, "Well he is right. I seem to be fatigued as well."

"We should just set up camp here." Sango offered.

Oto-san smudged dried blood on his forehead when he placed a hand there and sighed. "Ah, what the hell. I'm pretty tired myself. Let's get some sleep."

I exhaled, but still grabbed up the tiny punk by the ponytail, ignoring his shouts of protest. Nii-san held out his palms and told me to be easy. Please. "You're lucky we're all beat up now, or I would've had you sore all over for that comment." I spat, shaking him around.

Almost immediately after we all gathered our belongings underneath an old sequoia with wizened branches, I drifted farther away from the others and the sounds of mingled exhalations filling the air, including content sighs of happiness-to an expanse only fifteen feet off. The futon that we were given by the handmaiden of a craft shop served its purpose when I laid it out on the grass and finally, slowly, sat down.

Oh, the nicks still had their tinge, but did it feel good. I made sure not to move too much, so as not to reopen healed wounds. Still, my muscles untwined once I connected my butt to the mat. No one disturbed me, or found that I was isolated a big thing to consider or tried to make unwanted company. They already knew me, as Oka-san describes me. "Just like her proud, headstrong father." Sometimes I desire a second to myself. Clearing thoughts. Although, what most of them don't know is that I'd like someone to talk to after a while…for pure human interaction. This passes by all but one.

I know his footsteps on the dew-stained grass, the swift soundlessness of his robes as he walks, the scent of heavy birch-wood trailing on the air. "How many do you have?"

I turned around. His hem was painstakingly torn at the sleeve and left dangling sadly by a couple of strings it seemed, he took a seat in front of me with a lethargic smile. Beneath all the gauze there could be a great possibility a second eye had been present, even though it was covered, as well as the rest of his head. Poor Nii-san. He had so much unnecessary bandaging that he almost looked similar to a burn victim. I couldn't laugh conspicuously. God, it was impossible.

"Eleven. So far. That was quite a battle, hm? I wonder who the ninja happened to be. He was formidable, I have to admit. That technique…impeccable. Fills me with a certain nostalgia, I don't know why. Just so familiar." Nii-san responded while unwrapping himself like a gift. "And you?"

After he was done removing the essentials, I shifted my arm and winced. Clearly, he preoccupied his mind analyzing our new foes. Things that didn't interest me. Why would I want to wonder about the people who kicked my ass?

"Probably were demons, both of them. Even though I smelled human for the ninja, he was too strong to be mortal…I think I've got five or six." I breathed, placing my head in my hands. It throbbed like mad. "When is Maburoshi ever going to take us on himself, the coward. Sending all the cronies and not coming out to put his fight to the test. I bet he's scared. Little bitch. When I get my fists in that face! I'll kill him!" I shouted to the sky above.

Nii-san stretched out a leg close to my foot, reclined back for a full extension of his lengthy frame, took his arm out the sling and placed both hands behind him in the dirt to support his weight. With a sensual exhale he looked up to the dark cloudless sky. "Let's not talk about Maburoshi for now. My bruises start to pulse, thinking of him. We'll relax and talk, okay?"

"Fine." I said. A silence that did not even remotely identify to talking passed between us. All sorts of insects chirped about our heads, cicadas grating tunes, soft- humming tree bugs. I allowed my eyes to slip to his leg inches away from touching me. Did he want to do that? Coax me into some weird game he decided to play? A brief flashback brought the events of a few weeks ago swirling in fragments. The air grew thicker with the memory of my weakness, crying in front of him like a child. And exactly what is going on now, me showing how a simple fight can wear me down to nothing, opening my flaws. Fighters never reveal their shortcomings.

Stupid. Completely stupid. How could I sit there and let him dissect me while I can't ever scratch but a surface of what he is? I wasn't thinking when I moved away, in an effort to gather the little shreds of dignity I had left. I couldn't believe that I had cried. Tears burned at the back of my throat again as I decided to leave altogether.

He noticed. "Where are you going?"

I swallowed hard to bite them back. It was hard. "Um, I don't feel like talking right now. I'm going to go for a walk somewhere.

"Alone." I added before he had the chance to get up.

Out of nowhere, from the clouds dropped a medicine box, by the grace of higher powers. Divine intervention. We both froze when it landed at our feet, and far off in the distance came a shout.

"Change those bandages you two!" Oka-san called.

Oto-san seconded. "Yeah, you brats need to be ready to leave tomorrow! Infections can't slow us down!!"

Hm. The irony considered in the situation was amusing. I rolled my eyes to respond inwardly to the annoying antics of my parents, but when I tried to follow through on my resolution to leave, Nii-san's hand clamped delicately around my wrist and stilled me. Holding the plastic box emblazoned with a red cross insignia, he stared into my eyes.

"Tell me what's wrong while I help change your gauze. It will be better than trying to figure it out on your own. After all, as the saying goes, two heads are superior to one. We have to listen to them." His gaze was solemn and pleading, still searching me.

I snorted. "As if I give a damn about their dumb requests. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a little girl anymore and I don't have to listen to Oka-san and Oto-san."

When I attempted to pull my arm free a second time, the grip was tightened. "Oh, yes you do. Because if you leave without changing your bandages…I'll tell."

I gaped at him in astonishment. The whole scenario, including the sordid blush on his cheeks-reminded me of the tender age of five. He actually threatened to _tell _on me. _What a tattle-tale!_ I thought, then cursed my own regression to that stage. But as I observed his facial features, solid and unmoving, the special dash of honey added to his cocoa eyes: I realized he was serious. He was really going to rat me out if I didn't succumb to his orders. Nii-san was blackmailing me. Suddenly I understood that there really is at least a hint of Miroku lingering in his genes.

Rather than grant him the satisfaction of knowing that he had ingeniously ensconced me in a perfect plan, I refused to speak and snatched the box from his hand, took my wrist back and sat down without so much as a fleeting glance in his direction. I heard his fingers meddling with the clasp of the medicine box, it swinging open, him lifting up the alcohol bottle, its contents swishing around the exterior.

"You aren't going to look at me. I can deal with that for now, but something tells me that as we continue the conversation, there will be a reason which causes you to make direct eye contact with me. Aside from this, I want to know what your problem is, what would cause you to try to run away in such a hurry from your only Nii-san and leave me for dead. Can we broach this topic?"

My straight-forward gaze did not waver. "I see. Well, then. I guess we'll just fill the time for now with dressing our wounds. Tell me where yours are, and I'll pass you the proper bandaging." he said, organizing the items before him.

"I can get my own stuff." I snapped and grabbed at the nearest thing when he caught my arm swift as an eagle's strike. He blushed upon contact.

"Um, its-I wanted to-to…" he released me like my skin had burned him, using the hand to scratch a place on the back of his head that probably didn't itch at all. "I wanted to clean my wounds first. Since I have more, and-and you weren't speaking to…me."

I turned around to get a full view of how fetching he looked. Memories flooded back…ah, the essence, sheer innocence of childhood. Nii-san was a continuous reminder of that milestone in life, those years where nothing mattered because he still held that boyish air. Something foolish, childish and painfully reminiscent to back then. It was a typical comfort that reassured me, or the both of us-despite what we may be going through now, in light of all the growing up we must cram into ourselves in such a short period of time- that we used to be kids. Our inner child still lies beneath the outer shield, and Nii-san shows it the most. I'm not sure if he ever grew up.

Trepidations aside, he held my stare eye for eye, trying desperately to understand me. I didn't back down this time. "Is it that you don't want to feel vulnerable, Imoutou-chan? See, that is a problem that can be fixed if you just request it. Take matters into your own hands. Pride is too empty of an emotion to lose a good connection between another over. I want to be there for you." My breath caught slightly. "If that means that we be on the same level…I can do that. I can. We have to be in this together. You have to trust me, and I you."

"You can never trust and know a person. Never enough." I interrupted with my father's old saying.

My words faded the rouge from his cheeks. Almost by command, his face stoned. A faint chill crept up my spine at the sight of Nii-san actually being serious, not funny or childish or anything. I felt my heart beat shallow and thicken, the air harder to breathe. Still, he was soft behind the exterior. Searching. He wanted to show me his sincerity. I couldn't see past his eyes telling me more than that. My eyes widened. I figured it out. He was searching me.

At that moment, in slow motion he took the collar of his robe in his fingers, pulling the fabric off his shoulder. Carefully untying his garb, it slipped through a hand, fell to the mat along with the rest of his robe. He displayed fresh cuts and bruises to me as well as his entire torso, undressed down to the waist. I could tell he was nervous by a frequent ripple in his abdominal area, the rise and fall of his taut chest.

I let out a breathless chuckle. Why was I breathless? "And what is you stripping supposed to do?" I responded, raising a sarcastic eyebrow.

Looking at me, I almost mistook it for a tentative, bedroom glance. If it was, I'd choke. "To show you that I have just as many wounds as you. And I'm willing to let them go if you are."

Unbelievable. I didn't care for a minute for all the bullshit he spewed out his stupid…face! How in the world can he manage to make me angry so quick? Say there was a record of all the times Nii-san has upset me to the point where I am seized by a fierce desire to break his bones. Scrolls would be piled up on lists. But I had something for his ass. I picked up the alcohol and opened it up, poured some on a gauze pad, then pressed it against a nasty cut on his right chest. Ah, the sheer satisfaction.

He shouted in agony. "I'm sorry! What's wrong with you?! Stop, stop, please Imoutou-chan!"

"Shut up!" I took my instrument of torture back. "Acting like a big baby. You said you wanted to clean your little paper-cuts right? So hold still. I don't know where this heroic bravado is coming from, but I can tell you this. Show me your battle scars and I see a whiner. Hide your sorrows and I see a warrior. Just because you take off your shirt you think you're equal to me. What the fuck gives you the right to request my thoughts be displayed to you as an open book? All I want is for me to not have to dig to know whatever you think while I have to be open and ready for you to take and take and not give anything! It doesn't work like that. It doesn't."

Astonished at my long-winded speech, one that surprised me all the same, Nii-san's jaw hung open slightly. He startled. "Imoutou-chan. Only, its just that-I was thinking of what happened then…"

"It was nothing. Forget it."

"I wish I could. But I can't. We must-"

He stopped abruptly when I touched his bicep, my fingers squeezing the chiseled muscle there. "I'm impressed. Not stronger than me, of course, but getting there. Barely."

Ordinarily he would have tried to pursue the subject already broached, this time I didn't give him incentive regarding the matter, with a quick acrobatic jump onto a different theme, I knew he would have to capitulate. And that he did, albeit becoming immediately self-conscious of his current state of undress. His face heated severely. Again, my mind wanted to recall a certain event when he explained such actions. I resisted although I was compelled.

"I have been training more. When I am in a fitful sleep, or can't find it, I wake up and go out to the nearest clearing alone, then I practice on my combative skills. It is good exercise, I never thought that I would benefit from being a slight insomniac. Neither had I pondered my little escapades given me more strength, but I've been a little lighter on my feet." Pausing to catch his breath, only then did I realize my hand lingered on his arm. He missed it, I quickly withdrew lest he notice. He lifted his hands to look at them. "Sometimes it comforts me to know I'm trying harder, training toward our goal. This is the first time I've taken a glance at myself in terms of gaining muscle mass. You think my efforts make any difference?"

Nii-san dropped his observation, switching attentions to me. I grinned quite narcissistic-like, coating the fact. Actually, the last time I saw his chest was when I accidentally walked in on him while he bathed-which, as far as I can remember, occurred a year and a half ago, involved me seeing the male anatomy up close for the first time, and after I got past all the…other…things, his structure was smooth and taut. He really made definite changes. Not that I would let it show. Regardless, I still have a strict sense of my personality.

"I wouldn't say muscle mass. I mean, when you're still not as strong as your younger sister, then you're probably not as beefy as you think." I winked, and turned up my nose. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him watching his own clenched fist, smiling. "But, I guess I can see some change, if not any. So, you were training behind my back, huh? Trying to get stronger without letting me know? But I can't complain." I waved a nonchalant hand. "You probably aren't pushing out as hard as you should be. I bet if you asked for my help now, there would be much more of a difference. You must be doing some childish nonsense exercises. Me, on the other hand, I can do some training regimens."

He laughed. Not mockingly, that would be a stupid move to earn an ass-kicking from yours truly. It was a good spirited one. "Then maybe I should wake you and seek guidance, Imoutou-chan."

Nii-san picked up the gauze pad I tortured him with earlier, craned his neck to see a laceration on his left shoulder blade and reaching over he attempted to clean the wound himself. Such a fool. I entertained the act for a moment, then snatched up a pad, soaking it before dabbing the cut. He inhaled sharply, I saw his body clench, his shoulder rippled.

"You know, maybe I should teach you. Then you would know the meaning of a real workout." I said, watching how I cleaned his cut.

"I would like that. It wouldn't be so quiet."

I raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, nothing."

Besides the lingering night air around us, his scent was what penetrated my senses most. He smelled…good. Familiar and comforting. He smelled like warmth, a sanctum that will always be there and one I can count on to calm me. It soothed me, relaxed my tensed limbs whenever he entered a room or expanse. I can never explain the way just smelling him makes me feel. So many emotions always come all at once, I can't choose which one. I was able to fully detect his scent because there were no clothes hiding it, and I closed my eyes. There was a lot of refrain I had to endure to keep the overwhelming desire to lie against him from surfacing.

I placed a bandage on the cut once it was assumed to be clean then he muttered a small thanks in return, I nodded in acknowledgement while he admired my handiwork and smiled. "You're good at this. Much better than I."

"I'm assuming you want me to do the rest of them then?" I asked. He shrugged and replied, "If you want to." So we sat there for a pretty long time, me sanitizing his wounds, talking about things that really made no sense at all, like sparring and debating the mannerisms of certain demons. Soon, a tiny dose of sleep attempted to hang around on my eyelids. The sky had turned extremely dark so the only way we knew where we both were was by the stars. Patting on the last bandage, I yawned, stretched and clapped my hands together.

"Finished."

He exhaled in relief, for he had been clenching against the alcohol while I cleansed his wounds. As he nodded and grinned, complimenting me, the cicadas began to chirp a tune that preoccupied my attentions for only a second and after I came back to reality he was thanking me. "You do a better job than I do. Thank you, Imoutou-chan."

For the time- enlightened to say the least- by the melody the insects strung along, a confusing thought overtook me and I felt possessed by it, my arms weren't mine as they moved across my chest to have my fingers clench the fabric of the haori. Perhaps it was because I had just catered to him that I began to notice as he looked like a new man, I was still troubled by the lacerations across my legs and the scrapes on my shoulders, the cut across my collarbone and that I was bearing old, soaked gauze while his was a bright, illuminated white in the pitch black dark.

Whatever it was, I shifted so that my back faced him and slid the crimson cover from my shoulders and allowed my bare flesh down to the edge of the cleavage of my breasts, to be braced by the damp dew of the midnight air. I could almost feel Nii-san's jaw dropping as my haori fell in the back down to the base of my spine to reveal the many battle-scars hidden from view with bandages already hard from the absorption of blood. Taking in a deep breath, gracious from the feel of open space on my skin, I mumbled, "My turn."

I heard him swallow against a knot in his throat and the dull scratching of nails at his head. "What?" he asked, his voice breaking.

He aggravated me. "What did you think?" I snapped as I craned my neck to see him out the corner of my eye. "I was just going to dress your little paper-cuts and you would lay back and take a nap? Do I look like a maid to you? Get to work on mine and we'll call it even."

"Um, you can't do it on your own?"

"No! You're gonna do it like I did for you!" I shouted. "Don't try to get out of this."

A silence passed and I knew he was contemplating the awkward situation within himself, but I interrupted by admonishing him. "Hurry up! I can't sit here like this forever!"

Only then did I listen to the slide of his knees against the futon and the commotion of his body settling behind me. He swallowed again, while I huffed in annoyance at how long it took him to get his bearings, then finally, I felt the tips of his fingers touch my back. It was clandestine, and he retracted once the contact was made. I tried to conceal my own nervousness, and also wondering why I was nervous in the first place, when his fingernails grazed me, then caught the bandage and slowly, yet gently, removed it. He cleared his throat, then responded with, "That's quite a wound. How did you get it?" His voice seemed hoarse.

Why was mine so low when I responded? "A katana. Hidden underneath the sleeve. A stupid mistake, one that you would make."

"I see." He sounded millions of miles away in his own world.

He didn't warn me when the alcohol touched it. I hissed and cringed.

"I'm sorry." He rushed to say, quickly sterilizing it, then grabbing a new bandage and covering the laceration.

Nii-san's breathing became heavier as he went on, the deep exhalations tickled the nape of my neck and caused a sensation in me like I've never felt before. Many times he's made me feel a bit safer than normal, like I could depend on him for anything, and since childhood I found him always the butt of my cruel jokes, but when I was the subject of another boy's teasing, he was quick to step in front of me and shield me from such evils. He is my big brother, forever has been, yet we are not related by blood. And maybe this is what's making me feel this way. Everytime we get closer than usual, or we sidle up in battle and throughout all the bloodshed, in the end the only scent I can make out is his all over my clothes, and that's when I frequently remind myself that he's not my real brother, that we're not of the same parent when I breathe in the smell of my clothes to keep it inside my nostrils so that all I smell is him. Lately, I've been doing just that. I have no idea why, but it started when I first hugged him the other day and his scent lingered on me for weeks, no matter how much I tried to bathe, and then I found myself liking it, being accustomed to it because it is so familiar. I keep lamenting that its just the safety that the smell brings that makes me breathe it in. Maybe I want Nii-san's protection. For him to clear the scars from my body if only once.

I have no clue if he feels the same. But, what am I thinking? If he feels the same about what? There's nothing special I feel toward him, in fact, I don't feel anything! Why do I keep using the word _feel_?? Well, according to what is truth, whenever I nudge him or bump into him he blushes. He tries to avoid me at night. He doesn't like to sleep anywhere near me, or by the rest of us at all. Usually he goes off to a spot by himself and settles there, wallowing in his solitude. Recently, I've tried to figure out his thoughts, why he called me beautiful and how it entails to his actions around me. I don't know what's going on, because since that scene when I dropped my defenses, he seems sensitized. As if he is fully aware of me and my presence. This I can see from when we hide in our veiled paradise, escape the watchful eyes of our parents and converse silently, unburdening ourselves and relieving each other of heavy secrets. Things have changed ever since we started it.

I notice whenever we are in deep conversation; he looks at me differently, so intently. I know its not that he's staring, but his eyes follow me, like once I start speaking, I can feel him watching the movement of my lips then slowly rising up to search my eyes…and its so hard to decipher. Not easy to tell whether its fascination or-- something else. That other factor, I don't really wanna think about it. "C'mon!" I say to myself, "You've got be kidding!" But those talks, feel…what's the word? Intimate? Ok, I know I'm not supposed to be using the feel word all over the place anymore. I just can't help it! Wait, intimate is definitely not the word. No, no. Too personal. How about…comforting? Yeah. That would be the perfect word.

Then again, why the hell am I even still thinking that? He's Nii-san for crying out loud! The stupid dumbass who believes he's just so attractive and handsome and blushes all the time, clumsy and weak. Even if he does practice at night all by himself, he'll never be strong enough to beat me!

He releases a long, drawn-out breath behind me which brings me back to the present. I shuddered noticing the cold for the first time of the night, or maybe it's the way he slid his hand down my spine, over the places where my skin was covered by small bandages, probably inspecting his work. His fingers gently touched an area underneath my left shoulder blade, where I know a faded scar lies, the bite mark from when I was about two years old. The snake bite that Idate permanently engraved on me. The bastard. At least he was killed shortly afterward. Nii-san ran his index over it, and I could feel the air shift as he frowned, then it softened when I knew he was just squinting at it in deep thought.

I want to reach around, stretch my arm over my shoulder and hold his hand for some reason I can't explain. A sudden urge to touch him and feel his hand in mine. But it's a stupid thought and it went away as quickly as it had come.

Nii-san's hand left contact with my back and finally, he said in a hoarse, cracked voice, almost a whisper, "Okay."

A thousand things are running through my head to say and do, I don't understand it all, so I went with the next best thing, just being me. Its so confusing, almost scary. Why do I want to do all these things? Why do I want to do and say so much for him? Why now? Even though I eventually will seek answers for those questions, I won't do it now, for now, I just pulled my haori back upon my shoulders, took a deep breath and looked at the blood soaked gauze covering the long cut starting from my collarbone and ending slightly on my left breast to realize there was a lot more wounds on me that I had to treat myself. So I sigh and spin around on the mat to face Nii-san, my haori untied and practically exposing my chest save for my breast bindings hiding it from view, but that didn't stop his eyes from growing twice their size and his cheeks turning bright red. Sensitive fool.

"W-w-what--what're you d-doing?" he sputtered, crawling a little backward on his hands and feet.

"I gotta fix this nasty cut right here," I pointed to it and he looked away, "and some other ones too. These I can do by myself."

He stumbled over his words again, unable to believe I was being _soo_ outrageous by just cleansing my wounds in front of him. I reached for the antibiotic wipes when he spoke. "How can you do this?"

"Easy." I said, taking off the old gauze and allowing the air to hit it. "What's so bad about it? Why are you so uptight?"

"Uptight?!" he exclaimed, which causes him to take his eyes off the area of the futon he trained his gaze to and look at me. "You think you can just go around anyone and--in this state of undress and think its ok to--"

"You're not just anyone. I thought you were my Nii-san. I thought that's how you thought you were to me. Or were you lying?" I looked into his eyes, watched them jump all over my face.

"No. I just--you don't understand…" After placing a new bandage over the cut my attention was caught by his statement and I watched as he shut his eyes tightly.

I tried my best to ignore what he said, but it did sting for me to hear him say that, openly admit how naïve I seemed to him, for someone else to say it wouldn't have hurt nearly as much as it did when he said it. Maybe he's right, I don't understand. But I wish I could! And it isn't fair that he flaunts his knowledge, I hate when he uses all those complicated words and continuously repeats how he's older than me and therefore knows more than I do, how he just places stupid barriers between us, how he's so determined to prove that were on different levels and I'll never be able to understand because I'm so young, because we're different!!

I roughly pulled my hakama up to my thigh where my other wound was and while I ripped off the gauze and started cleaning it I looked up at Nii-san and he returned the gesture. He quickly glanced at my exposed flesh, blushing, and rushed to close his eyes and turn his back to me. I stopped, my breathing hard and heavy. I couldn't believe it, but all I felt as I looked at his back was hatred. Real hate. And its all his fault. Its always his fault! He's the one who makes me feel like I'm stupid when its him all along! Like I'm being unreasonable but its him! He's the unreasonable one!!

Grabbing the alcohol bottle I could only think of him and his stupid fucking back turned to me. His stupid hair, stupid back, stupid shoulders, stupid wounds…

I held the bottle tight in my hand, watched the liquid sloshing around for a moment, then wound my arm back, focused on that stupid asshole's head, my focus unwavering, and threw it. The satisfaction I felt as I heard the sharp sound it made colliding with skull is beyond comparison. He buckled over as soon as it hit, cradling his poor head in his arms, scampered to his feet and whipped around to me. Now he wants to look at me…

"Imoutou-chan! W-why-why would you, what--?!"

I sneered and projected as much anger as I could in four words. "Get away from me."

"What?" he whispered, furrowing his eyebrows.

"You heard me. Go away! Go someplace else!" I picked up the first aid kit and threw it at his feet. He jumped back in alarm. "I don't wanna see your face!! I don't wanna see any of you! Just leave me alone!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, rising to my feet as well. I could feel the tears burning at my eyelids.

He kept his distance, knowing full well that he couldn't take me on if I were to go to drastic measures and get physical. He tried to comprehend the situation and my outburst and I was glad that for once, he didn't know what was going on. "Imoutou-chan…why are you--"

I threw my fist down and shouted, "I thought you wanted to turn your back to me! Isn't that what you were doing this whole time?! Huh? Well, do it! Get away from me, turn your back to me, whatever! Just make sure I don't ever see your face again!!"

All the commotion must have gotten the attention of our parents at the campsite a few yards away, because suddenly I heard their footsteps and the rustling of grass and while I made sure to keep all the anger in my eyes aimed at the ass in front of me, my Oto-san and Miroku tried to figure out what the hell was happening.

"Hey! What's wrong with you two? We heard your mouth all over this place!!" Oto-san barked, pointing at me. Then he noticed that my hakama was untied and my chest was only covered by the thin bindings on my breasts. I covered up as soon as I knew he assumed the worst. All I could focus on was the asshole nervously keeping his eyes on me but losing sight of me to place it on his mother's serious expression.

"Kohaku, what happened?" her gaze flashed to the blood trickling down his neck from his scalp. "Why are you bleeding?"

"Kikyou, what's going on?" my Oka-san saying the exact same words he did got my goat, so I eventually snapped my head to her. "Everything would be just fine if he--" I brought my focus back to the stupid man in front of me, "--would just get out of my sight and I would never have to see his face again!" My voice rose with every word and by the time I got to "again" I was yelling.

That doesn't bode well with my Oto-san and he immediately rounded on him. I'm guessing all he could think of was how undressed I was. "What the hell did you do to my kid?!"

"I didn't do anything." he replied, holding his ground under the intense glare of Oto-san. "We were…just talking. And, I must have said something--"

"Like what??"

"Inuyasha, I think this is between the two of them. It must be a confrontation that they have to work out amongst each other…" Miroku offered, quickly coming to his son's defense. He glanced at him with an equally questioning expression. "…they must to deal with this themselves. They both are nearly adults now."

Oka-san must have agreed with Miroku's reasoning because she went up to Oto-san and placed herself in front of him, blocking him from rounding on the dumbass with the gash in his head. "Miroku's right. Inuyasha…"

Oto-san gave one last glare at the dumbass. "If you did whatever I'm thinking, or anything like that…if you did anything to my daughter…You're gonna have to answer to me."

The idiot held up under the death glare again, with a solid look in his eyes.

"I guarantee you that Kohaku did nothing of the sort that you're thinking right now Inuyasha." Miroku interjected.

"Yeah, this is coming from Miroku."

Sango cut off the two with some not-so-new news. "Uh, Miroku…I'm not sure just what _your son _did, but he's bleeding from a bad wound in the back of his head…"

"Oh…well. That is interesting…" he says, suspiciously tossing a glance at their son.

My Oka-san worriedly turned to me and asked in a quiet voice, "Kikyou…what did he do that would make you hurt him like that?"

I picked my head up and crossed my arms over my chest. "That dumbass knows what he did. If you wanna know what happened, just ask him. He seems to know it all. Right?" The last word I direct toward him. I look at him one last time in the silence, directly into his eyes, and I see the same guilt he always tries to communicate whenever he messes up, but it just doesn't speak to me this time. I avert my stare to the grass at my feet. "I just don't want to be near him right now and I would appreciate it if he would just leave."

I heard my Oka-san call my Oto-san and her words of wisdom, some mumbles from Miroku, a disappointed sigh from Sango, and then the rustling of grass again. Someone stopped as the rest treaded in the distance, their footsteps growing weaker and weaker. I could still feel his deep, brown eyes bearing into me, trying to read me, pleading with me. Then the one who stopped, their voice rang out in the night, and I recognized it as Sango's.

"Kohaku. Let's go now."

He hesitated for the space of a second, then he started after his mother, and as he walked off, the sounds of his movement weren't distinctive anymore in my ears, weren't special like they were before. Now they were just like everybody else's, and I couldn't tell the difference between his footsteps and his mother's. He suddenly lost all significance.

I inhaled deeply and couldn't detect his scent. And I looked up at the stars, hoping to see one, just one that was shining for me…

And I couldn't.

**AN: **Clearly one can sense the confusion within Kikyou and deduce her anger and frustration at this. She is not very open with her feelings toward the opposite sex, and does not know how to deal with her hormonal malfunction in being attracted to the one she calls her big brother. Because of this, she acts spontaneously, as she is confused and does things that startle Kohaku and make him feel dirty for witnessing them. theworldsgreatest01 tried in this chapter, to convey the dificulty of teenage sexuality and angst, and hopes that they portrayed it as well as they imagine they have. Perhaps they will reconcile in the next chapter. Perhaps.

Once again, theworldsgreatest01 is begging for reviews, critics, anything. Please? Don't leave the author hanging.(bad joke)


	5. Feelings

**Disclaimer: **This author, theworldsgreatest01 does not own Inuyasha.

**A/N: **Still no prologue...the author of this story is just so transfixed with going further into the story without giving its origins, which the writer finds very boring, as you well know. No hard feelings, it will come soon, as do all good things. They come to those who wait. theworldsgreatest01 hopes you enjoy this chapter anyway.

**Chapter Five: Feelings**

**... ...**

Chichi-ue pulled me aside immediately after breakfast as discreetly as possible, catching my awareness by clearing his throat and bestowing a serious stare upon me that, since childhood, meant we needed to have an important man-to-man talk. I was instantly stricken by a small anxiety attack. It has been exactly ten weeks since the incident with Imoutou-chan and every day from that night she has not said one more word to me than needed. The only time she has come close to a conversation with me is in battle, but other than that, she has barely even looked at me longer than ten seconds. I have yet to digest it all. She hasn't called me Nii-san in ten weeks. We don't talk anymore in our solitary escapes from the world; I feel as if I've lost a part of myself…and I have no idea how.

"What exactly happened between you and Kikyou-chan?"

Those were the first words that left Chichi-ue's mouth after we traversed into a grassy plain far away from the others and settled on a log in the middle of the area, most likely dragged there by villagers that quickly grew exhausted and simply left it there. Once the question was left in the air, I realized that I had absolutely no answer to give him except, "I don't know."

He cast an inquiring look, one that bore through me and made me experience an intense guilt. I truly had pondered what went wrong that night, but I have been unable to draw any conclusions. I hoped the wisdom of my father would suffice. His eyes shifted toward the sky and as he spoke, he raised his eyebrows.

"If I can clearly recall, Kikyou's haori was untied when we arrived on a most questionable scene…"

I felt my face gain that familiar temperature. Chichi-ue grinned and I knew it was because I reminded him so much of Haha-ue. "Nothing happened! She untied it herself." I muttered.

"Really?" Chichi-ue leaned forward and drew his brows together in confusion.

I did not know why she had done it at the time, it seemed so…unreasonable. What did she want to show me? I want to understand her, yet it is easy and difficult all the same. Its interesting. There are moments when Imoutou-chan is completely translucent to me, and then there are the times when she is as solid and impenetrable as steel. And cold like it as well.

"Yes…I--um, we…"

"Kohaku." I looked up at Chichi-ue and he calmly asked, "What is happening between the both of you?"

What is happening between us? So much goes misunderstood, so many mixed messages. How and when exactly did it become so complicated? That night when we were cleansing our wounds, underlying emotions that I've struggled to suppress suddenly leapt to the surface, as if responding to her…but I don't want to feel those things. I reason it with the possibility that I've begun to feel that way toward my Imoutou-chan because we spend so much time together. So I wonder whether it is for the better if we cease being so close. I certainly did not welcome the things I felt then. I feel so perverted just thinking of it. How could I have had those thoughts?

"Recently I've noticed the two of you going off all on your own. Before the incident. I hope you weren't doing anything thoughtless…were you?" Chichi-ue reclaimed my attention. He had always taught me to think before my actions, because they can have painful results. I know he would be disappointed if he discovered that I had done anything foolish and reckless.

"No." I looked down at the grass threatening to consume my straw sandals along with my feet. "We would just…talk."

"About what?"

"Any subject we could come up with. We…only wanted to escape from everything for a while. I listened to her and she listened to me. I liked it." I proceeded to lift my downcast head up and grin at my father. He returned it serenely, nodding. "I think…"

Light, ivory clouds merely grazed the sky above our heads, meaning the night skies will be even clearer. Small birds navigated through the air so easily that it appeared they were floating and creating the illusion of flight. It was captivating, and my sentence hung in an abyss for a stilled amount of time, I was so taken by the image. "…it brought us closer together."

Chichi-ue observed me with the same intention that a father would his son. I knew he wanted to know more about this, seeing the impact it had upon me. And he did.

"Did anything out of the ordinary happen during those 'talks'?" he asked, placing his hands inside his sleeves.

I hesitated before answering. "Yes. But, it wasn't completely serious…nothing to be concerned over. First, we talked about--fears. Then, about her." I looked into his eyes, to show him how mature I was in discussing this. "I told her she was beautiful…and she-she…she hugged me."

I was blushing again. "It didn't mean something…I know it. She was simply appreciative. That's all. And then, that night…she cleaned my wounds for me. The ones I was unable to reach. On my back."

"How did she know that you had wounds on your back?" I glanced at Chichi-ue in shock, unable to speak. Of course, I had been the one who removed my garments, but I was worried what he would think if I told him. Yet, I had the pretense that he wouldn't be too upset.

"I took off my robes in front of her…"

He coughed aloud, and sputtered, eyes widened to capacity, "What??"

I immediately had to rethink my words, obviously I hadn't stated things lucidly enough and Chichi-ue heard what he heard, which must have been he believed I got completely naked in front of my Imoutou-chan. "No! I meant just down to my waist! Not all of my robes!" I shouted, hoping he would listen and agree that I had made a simple mistake.

I think he fully translated my blunder, but he chose that moment of respite to tease me mercilessly. Chichi-ue has been the source of fun in our ragtag family since even before I was born, and although some of his jokes reference toward uncomfortable subjects, I welcome them with the closeness of an appreciative son. He is the perfect father and I'm positive he is the greatest husband in the world to my Haha-ue, he treats her like he would be unable to live without her, as if the entire universe revolves around her, like she is his only source of light on this pitiful planet. I hope I will one day be able to find a love equivalent to the one my father and mother share.

He adopted the visage of stern intentions once again, after catching his breath, and sighed before asking gingerly, "Why would you do that in front of her?"

"I wanted to show her that she has nothing to be afraid of. When we talked frequently, she was avoiding vulnerability, and I was trying to show her that it was okay for her to be weak sometimes…"

"Because of course, you were always vulnerable yourself during those long conversations, weren't you?"

One could almost feel the sarcasm saturating from the question. I reached my hand behind my head and gently scratched at an itch I couldn't quite pinpoint. Was I truly as unguarded as I wanted Imoutou-chan to be? But, then again, she is the one having difficulties showing her true self, behind her meager façade of pride and strength, not me. I have no problem admitting that I am weak and that I'm not as strong as I should be when facing this journey, I can admit that I might be afraid of the constant life and death situations. And as for being absolutely open with her, well, I've tried, I did that night, but she pushed me away, claiming I was insulting her intelligence and integrity. All I ever wanted is for her to know we are closer than she thinks, and we can confide in each other whatever we are unable to tell anyone else. I want to be her Nii-san, the one she turns to when all else fails.

"She became angry when you attempted to get her to open herself to you," Chichi-ue said, as a gust of wind blew wisps of dandelion's seeds about us. "and as you were trying to do so, she grew frustrated with you and threw a blunt object at your head and caused you to bleed?"

I rushed to correct him. I didn't want him to capture the wrong impression. Imoutou-chan was not _that _impulsive, even though she very well can be if she wanted to. "Not exactly. She did become comfortable near me, and then…she asked me to clean the lacerations on her back. She--untied her haori and dropped it down to her lower back. Needless to say, her bindings covered all but her upper back, yet the slashes cut through some of the bandages, so, most of her was…er, revealed."

Chichi-ue's voice grew near-silent when he asked with concentration on his face, "And you did it?"

"Yes." I swallowed against my suddenly dry throat.

He shifted in his seat, the brushing of the fabrics of his robes against the bark sounded louder than ever in my ear. "Kohaku, you felt something while you were close to her. Didn't you?"

"I can't explain it. I-I--she, I was--" my downcast gaze sought his once more in desperation. "She's my Imoutou-chan, and I want to keep it that way, but--but I can't stop the way my breath shortens when I'm near her or my quickening heartbeat and I don't want to feel these things but I do! I just don't know why!"

As I stayed in a frozen position, my nails digging into the wood of the log, my eyes shut, I felt a hand grip my shoulder. Looking up, I saw my Chichi-ue's tranquil smile, rivaling that of Buddha.

"Now, you know how Kikyou feels."

I was surprised by his insight, and the way he sorted things out so easily while the frustration threatened to force me into pulling the hairs from my own head. How is it possible that it could seem so knotty to me, and so simple to him? Not only is he not angry or disappointed, but he also is reasonable with my dilemma, carefully explaining everything to me…through my own emotions. She feels the same as I do. It would be easier for me to decide just what it is that we both feel if he gave me one more hint, though… "When she turned to me with her haori untied, I was scared and…mad. Mad that she--I didn't want to…she was going on about how it shouldn't bother me because I'm her Nii-san and…and--it shouldn't have but it did, and I felt like she was encouraging it…I-I couldn't deal with it all, so I told her… she didn't understand. And I turned my back to her so I wouldn't see…and then, her breathing got heavy, as if she was going to cry…so I was about to turn around to see what was wrong, but before I was able to do so, I felt the alcohol bottle hit the back of my head and--I was a fool to think she was crying…er, she was actually more angry than I was."

Chichi-ue chuckled beside me, taking his hand off my shoulder to place it inside his sleeve. "Well, you should have expected that much. Kikyou-chan is very much like Inuyasha. Too bold to show any inhibitions.

"But, to be honest with you, Kohaku, it is all your fault that she is refusing to talk to you and your relationship with her is severed," he humbly announced. I frowned. That's not right. I was trying to protect her. When he saw the tumult within me translated onto my face, he elaborated. "My son, surely you cannot deny that you sent mixed messages to her the entire time you two have been bonding more. Your conflicting feelings were affecting Kikyou as well. She only went along with whatever you felt, what you did, since she always secretly looked toward you to decide what was right and what was wrong. Then, when you began to gain unfamiliar emotions, she was as well, and as you were confused by them, she was just as confused by the messages you sent out toward her unconsciously. And when you turned your back on her and deliberately told her she didn't understand, you basically announced to the world what she denied to see within herself. She doesn't understand what she is feeling just as much as you aren't, and for you to say that she didn't understand while you clearly don't…well that was not exactly fair."

His eyes trailed along the horizon ahead of us, dreamily. "You know she _is_ insecure about the age gap between you two and the distance that is constantly getting in your way and growing persistently, and it is all new to her…she has been around you ever since she was born, if I am correct. And you solidified the fact of that by giving her the idea that you knew more than her about how she felt than she did. It hurt her when you created an even larger obstacle for her to climb to reach you, and left her alone in her confusion. It is new to her, the emotions revealing themselves, and she was afraid of them, yet she wanted to explore them, and she assumed you would do the same…but you didn't. You made her assume you thought her tasteless and vulgar, and the hurt worsened, so she lashed out at you for…ultimately, leaving her in a state of excitement, confusion and pain."

My mouth hung open in astonishment, reviewing each and every word my Chichi-ue said, staring at the forest bordering the plains we retreated to while I processed the new-found information. Then I regained control over my senses, and asked, still looking into the distance, "Chichi-ue…what do I do? How do I make these feelings go away?"

And he slowly stood up and grabbed the shakujo that had lied idly next to him on the log while we talked, the familiar instrumental sounds it made while the gold rings slid and touched each other calming me into a sense of security, and I automatically knew what needed to be done before my father ever spoke a word, the solution reaching me from a realm beyond, that sought to make everything right again. He looked down at me and smiled, saying, "This is something you must deal with on your own."

I came to my feet as well, breathing in a deep gust of air. He took two steps back toward where everyone else was waiting for us to return before stopping and looking over his shoulder at me, smiling wide in good spirits.

"Just remember this, Kohaku. There is no right or wrong answer to this. Only chance. You take a chance, whatever it may be, and hope it was for the best. Know that I believe in you and support you fully and sincerely."

It meant a great deal to hear such sagacious advice from my father, and to know that he trusted me without doubt, trusted my integrity as a man…it motivated my decision all the more, and my admiration for him grew, if possible.

And as we walked back to our little ragtag family, Chichi-ue ahead of me, I looked back at the log in the middle of the plain, where it was left alone and forgotten, far from those that understood it. Somehow, I felt that it had finally found its purpose in the world, and it had been waiting for me to realize it as well. That log was the thing that passed down a father's advice to his son, and later that night, it would be the catalyst of bringing a brother and sister back together after a wait that seemed like forever.

... ...

As predicted, the night sky was celestial in its beauty, clear and lucid as the crystals that suspended the moon on heaven's plate, shining down on all of us as we sat in a circle around the fire before us, blazing and hopeful in my eyes, even though my situation looked far from hopeful, with Imoutou-chan sitting as far away from me as possible, next to Inuyasha and Kagome. Shippou-san sat near Chichi-ue, Haha-ue and I, boasting about how he should have never joined up with them on the journey they went on before I was born to defeat Naraku, saying that if he hadn't, he would be relaxing in some old grandma's house because she wanted to adopt him for his cuteness and lovability, although I'm certain that lovability is not a strong suit of his when he calls Inuyasha an idiot when he roughhouses him.

"Yeah right, if you hadn't met up with us you ungrateful little punk, you'd probably be leftover bones from some youkai's dinner!" Inuyasha shot back, grabbing at the beef hanging above the fire and checking to see if it was done, then savagely biting into it, waving the stick it was on in front of Shippou's face to represent his bones, I suppose.

Kirara stood up in my lap, disturbed by the loud cackling and laughter coming from everyone, her ears now at attention, but she took a glance around and seemed annoyed that it was only a false alarm and went back to curling up into the ball she was in before all the calamity stirred her, purring as I stroked her fur to let her know it was okay. I looked across the fire at Imoutou-chan, who, besides myself, was not laughing. She actually didn't even give the semblance of a smile as she sat there, concentration etched onto her face as she examined her mother's bow and arrows, every now and then placing her enhanced spiritual energy into them so that they illuminated slightly with an ethereal glow, but soon flickered out afterward and her frustration showed through her increased grip on the weapons. Before long I would have to ask her in my honest and most apologetic tone of voice to take a walk with me; the pressure of the long awaited moment building up inside of me. I expected she would ignore me, to which I would continue to plead with her until she became so aggravated that she would turn around and punch me in the nose, knocking me unconscious. But then again, she might just scowl at me and walk away and I would get the message without having to be hurt in the process. But I will go along with my plan, even if she decided not to talk to me, at least I could say I tried. And I'll keep on trying, no matter what, until I get my Imoutou-chan back.

While eating my meal for the night, I couldn't stop my erratic breathing as the time for action grew nearer and closer, my Haha-ue came up to me once to ask if I was all right and I reassured her that I was just fine and maybe it was the smoke from the fire that irritated me a bit. I had to catch her alone and without everyone else around, and Chichi-ue offered to assist me with that, joking that he would somehow find some reason to keep Inuyasha and Kagome out of the way long enough into the night that they would have to turn in to bed, and after that he could easily find a way to keep Haha-ue at bay. I winced at the thought of just what he was referring to, but I am glad that he was so eager to help me, since I'm going to need all the help I can get.

I suggest that Imoutou-chan is going to retreat into the wilderness around us to practice, as she has been doing in her free time since she cut all connections with me whatsoever, and I think that will be the best time to ask her for her patience and benevolence. I smirked outwardly at how naïve I can be, as to use benevolence and Imoutou-chan in the same sentence…it is quite far-fetched. All I can do is hope she'll humor me at least.

When Chichi-ue caught my eye and his immediately darted in another direction, I didn't realize that he was signaling me until I noticed how quiet it had become; the silence of exhaustion from so much conversation and laughter had settled on us; and followed his gaze to Imoutou-chan leaning towards Kagome and saying she was going off on her own. I watched her get up and walk into the forest as Inuyasha shouted, "Be careful, don't let your guard down!" and she waved a hand in reply.

I know there is a rule to pursuing another to be alone with them discreetly, but I really wanted to get it over with, to say my first words to her in weeks, so I hastily stood up in front of everyone, not thinking or remembering Kirara quaintly sleeping in my lap, and she growled after being unknowingly dropped to the ground for no reason, which drew more attention to myself and caused Haha-ue to berate me for treating Kirara so poorly, and Shippou, Kagome, Inuyasha and Chichi-ue stared in confusion as I stood there underneath the eyes of everyone I know, the pressure of it all causing me to blush mercilessly. Now they really knew what my purpose was, and I could barely form a complete sentence to explain myself.

"I was seeing if the--er, tr-trees, s-s-said…uh, fire."

That didn't even make any sense! I can't believe I'm a complete fool, so much so that I am unable to speak correctly! I saw the puzzled look of Haha-ue as she was most likely wondering why her son was speaking gibberish, the confusion of Kagome as she tipped her head to the side at me and asked, clearly audible, "Um, Kohaku…what?"

I swallowed and looked at everyone, noting Inuyasha's frown, angry at how foolish I am. I caught Chichi-ue's pitying stare and decided it was best for me to just be on my way, so I carefully but quickly walked around the circle they were sitting in and kept my head down until I was on the path Imoutou-chan had treaded just moments earlier, and only then did I stop to register the embarrassment of what had occurred. How could I have been so idiotic? I let my head fall back and looked at the sky in humiliation. Feeling a soft ball of fur curl around my ankle, I glanced down and Kirara cocked her head, sitting back on her hind legs and meowing.

"I'm sorry for dropping you, Kirara. But I suppose you were satisfied to see me humiliate myself in front of everyone." She meowed again, then proceeded to nudge me with her nose. "Was it that bad?"

Her answer was quite clear as she looked at me, sniffed the ground and walked ahead. Obviously she wished to change the subject. "Well, is that Imoutou-chan's scent you've got there?" Her purr I took as a yes. "Good. Oh, and thank you for not rubbing it in."

I put faith in her as she led me through the thicket, snaking through low-hanging branches and trudging through a sea of fallen leaves that looked impossible to have come off the branches on their own, and analyzing them as I followed Kirara allowed me to see the lacerations and slashes through a few of the twigs, clean, precision sharp cuts, evidently Imoutou-chan had been practicing on these innocent trees. Eventually, I thought, Kirara would catch a stronger scent trail from her, if she hadn't gone too far, and I whispered a small word of encouragement to Kirara, pleaded with her…and I finally heard the soft, yet clearly audible sounds of an arrow slicing the air two different ways. Kirara must have heard it as well, her ears standing on end and a delighted meow coming from her upon her knowing that she had successfully found whom she had been looking for. And I was just as delighted as her, if for a single second, because as soon as I was filled with the courage to call out to my Imoutou-chan, my mouth open, an arrow came soaring in my direction. I saw it coming in the distance, a bright, diamond shaped glint far ahead of me, but I had no idea it was actually directed at myself until it came closer in the space of a heart-beat, aimed at my forehead, and my innate ability to automatically react to dire situations was the only reason I twisted my waist, sending my upper body completely to one side and narrowly avoiding the arrow, seeing it pass one centimeter before my eyes and cut the first layer of skin on the bridge of my nose, sailing off until it collided into the trunk of a nearby tree. If I had moved a little later, I'd be dead.

So Imoutou-chan still was in no mood to even see me or hear me, in fact, she wanted me dead. Very far from taking a walk with me. But I have to at least try to talk to her, and I can't run away for the mere fact that she tried to _kill me_, so after regaining my composure and urging Kirara to relax; although she was unable to, for she was riled by Imoutou-chan's attempt to injure me, yet at the same time she was loathe to attack her; I wanted to proceed.

"Now, now, Kirara. It's okay." I whispered, and the hairs on her back settled, her stance returning to normal. After taking several steps and not being assaulted by a barrage of projectiles, I decided to walk in the direction from which the arrow had come, hearing the dull noises of impact into bark, and as I peered around the trunk of an oak sapling, I saw her. The look of deliberation, her poised stance, muscles tight with anticipation, as compelling a warrior as any man could ever hope to become. Her fingers gripped at the arrow straining against the taut string of the bow, her knuckles pale as her fist clenched the bow and it attained that supernatural aura once more; at the exact moment it did she released it, and it appeared so lyrical to me, the flow of her body movements, her fingertips releasing the arrow, her form suspended in time as it soared before her and hit its mark, the celestial embers burning the tree-bark and expelling. She didn't move for a long spell of quiet, in the same position until I came forward from my hiding place, drawing in a deep breath and standing a few feet across from her with Kirara scratching behind her ear with her hind leg. But I stayed still as she did, determined.

Suddenly her eyes shot toward me, anger brewing within them at my presence. She did not allow them to waver, even as her stance shifted and she stood gripping the bow in her right hand and her left hand indolently at her side. Narrowing her eyes slightly, she acknowledged me with contempt. I didn't let that stop me. Something inside me burst forth to show its face to her, dancing at the sight of her, and a piece of the gap I felt was restored. I longed for more, and unwound my tense shoulders.

"Imoutou-chan…Hi." I said, with renewed confidence.

She failed to answer for at least five minutes; I felt her eyes on the cut at my nose. Contrary to what I thought, she did not turn her back to me or glance away and resume whatever task she wanted to do next before I interrupted, she didn't ignore me either. Actually, she scowled and spoke her first words to me in weeks.

"What are you doing here?"

It wasn't what I had been hoping for, but it was a rather…generous start. The creatures of the night moved around us, and I took care to note this, in case a certain demon discovered that Kohaku and Kikyou were actually alone and seemingly unarmed and jumped on an opportunity to gain the non-existent omnipotence that Maburoshi had promised them if they happened to do the impossible and exact our death. It may seem intense but I have gotten used to that sixth sense. Other than that, my full attention is upon her, her glare, the anger pouring forth from them. It felt like I had traveled into the past for a while and it was the beginning of our siblinghood once again. Except that the anger was pure and undeterred, and the scoff she gave after my response was not only mocking, but swift and hurtful. "I have no where else to go."

The scoff left her and cut through my defenses with a painful swing. She turned away from me and walked over to the tree she had been practicing on. I watched silently as she rubbed the stripped area where the bark had apparently been burnt away. Kirara sounded off in the darkness, urging me to press on, not to give up or be discouraged, and I thanked her for it and her large capacity to easily comprehend human situations.

Imoutou-chan is waiting for me to make my move, somewhere deep inside, begging me to make things right again. Or, she could be holding herself back from really killing me and inwardly scolding herself for missing the first time. Whatever she happened to be thinking, I sufficiently disturbed them by awkwardly saying in a small voice that seemed foreign to me, "I-I want to talk with you, and I'm asking, well-er, um, b-begging for you to walk…with me, pl-please."

She froze, her chest rising and falling in slow repetitive motions and her stare engrossed on her hand flat against the trunk of the tree. An owl perched high above us left in a tumult of flapping wings and falling leaves.

"Why should I waste my time on a person like you?" she sneered.

Why should she waste her time on me? After what I did to her, how much pain I caused her, why should she put faith in me again, at the risk that the same thing might happen once more? I didn't have an answer to it, after so much reviewing over what I would say or do, my mind went blank. I want her to trust me. But I just have no idea why she should.

"I don't know." I answered. "I…well, there's-there's--I…" I sighed and looked into Imoutou-chan's eyes, allowing her to feel my anguish. "Please."

Imoutou-chan glanced at me briefly, then quickly shifted to Kirara to resist. Her hand clenched into a tight fist against the tree and I knew within myself that I had penetrated some aspect of her reasoning as the rapid eye movement signaled her ambiguity on whether or not to accept my plea. My heart sank as she hastily turned away, uncertainty riddled in the two steps she took to further expand the distance between us, my shoulders wilted and the breath I had been unconsciously saving escaped its prison inside my lungs as she walked farther without a word, and I turned as well in the other direction, defeated.

"Come, Kirara." I groaned at the nekomata who called after Imoutou-chan in a small cry. She doesn't want anything to do with us anymore, Kirara. And I am the one to blame.

And then the sound of bare feet treading upon dried leaves stopped. I adjusted my course and saw her standing there, a silhouette in the night, and heard the shaky breath that stirred the air. She reluctantly walked to me, eyes downcast and darting to wherever I was not.

"Fine." she said, and I could hardly suppress the off-kilter grin threatening to break across my face.

My spirits soared amongst the gods as we walked toward the grassy plain, my mind focused on the deserted log that would bring us together, everything had a certain significance, the sky, the moon, the ground we treaded upon. I was instantly appreciative of all that surrounded us, not even Imoutou-chan's preoccupied expression could dampen my mood. I took note of her unsure countenance, absorbed in watching Kirara chase after an insect that feared for its life, then switching to obsess over the intricate design of heaven's plate, and then analyzing the texture of the ground and continuously repeating the act.

Thankfully, we reached our destination before the silence of our excursion became uneasy, and when I caught a glimpse of her tentative appearance changing into a stricken one, I was confused until looking out at the expanse before us. The stars from above shone down onto the surface where we stood, making it seem as though we floated on an endless celestial sea, the infinite blades of grass harboring a neon tint of blue that shone crystalline in both our eyes. I looked at her again, and feeling as though the gods had rearranged the aspect of space and reality for this night, I led her to that log drifting along in the oceanic vastness surrounding us, pristine in its newfound beauty.

I took my place on the surface of the log first, Imoutou-chan suffused in the miraculous sight and quietly sat down to my right, her body directed away from me, a common sign that she was uncomfortable. Kirara settled at our feet, curling into a snug ball of fur after mewing respectively. The meow must have meant something, although I began to question my sanity, I was interpreting a neko's yawn of satisfaction and dissecting it to figure its contents in an effort to assist me in my current situation, but she is curiously intelligent for what it is worth…While I reasoned with myself, I saw Imoutou-chan shifting in her seat and her ocher eyes turned upward, observing the stars rather patiently, I might add, but in a stir of a moment's rest I caught the telltale twitch of her eyebrows into a brief yet all too visible frown, and the intolerant sigh I knew all too well that expressed her annoyance.

Abandoning the unimportant question of the balance of my mind, I rushed to calm her irritation. "I-Its beautiful out this night, isn't it?" I stuttered.

"Whatever." she replied coolly.

I could no longer fend off the inevitable. "I'm sorry." I said in my misery, leaning forward on my forearms resting at my knees.

"I--I thought that…us being closer to one another would b-be the best thing to do in our sit-situation, but as I put a façade before myself, making myself believe that I--" Kirara's side swelled softly with her breathing and relaxed ever so often and for some reason it intrigued me. "I believed that I was--we were equals in each others eyes. Cast to the same fate. And yet, I created an illusory void by unconsciously thinking of you as I saw you then…bold and only understanding the ways of battle, hiding yourself from others to protect and preserve. And I put myself above you in that sense, and-and when I said you didn't understand…I was only trying to protect my--"

"In other words, you acted like a stupid, dumbass, fucking piece of shit."

Imoutou-chan's rigid voice rang out in the darkness, cutting my speech short and causing me to look at her, flabbergasted. She eyed me intently and continued in the inflexible tone she had started in. "You don't understand. You don't understand. Well, you know what, maybe I don't understand. I don't understand you or this or most of the things that happen in this stupid life but there are a lot of things that you aren't even close to understanding about me, and I never, ever rubbed it in your stinkin' face." She stood and towered over me. "I'm nobody's charity case, and not everyone needs your high and mighty wisdom, especially me. So just to make this clear, you're lucky I even considered speaking to a rat like you, who's _soo _enlightened and _soo _morally correct, that thinks he's too good to drift along the land of us mortals. While I was alone, I had a damn good life without you in it, and I could very well go on the same path, and--and I hope you know that not once did I miss you. Okay? I didn't miss anything about you, in fact I was glad I didn't have to deal with your bullshit anymore…"

I was struck by an intense guilt at the strain of her voice struggling to keep its stiff tone, yet involuntarily changing to an unsteady one that wobbled at times. I kept my eyes on hers as I said, timidly, "I missed you."

She paused and held me in her iris. Her eyebrows lifted and fell at her attempt to maintain composure, her anger clearly overwhelming her. "What's happening? Why doesn't anyone explain anything to me? Everything I say in my head to sort out my thoughts doesn't make sense! And its your fault! You messed it all up, saying you wanna be closer and we need to stay together through all this crap!"

Sitting back down, she looked at me with all solemnity. I cleared my throat, reminding myself of Chichi-ue. "I just wanted to be your Nii-san and be there for you. But, I began to feel things that I didn't understand as well…and I--"

"How do you think I felt? With these stupid feelings, feelings, feelings!! And I didn't know what they were, or how to get rid of them!" she shouted, keeping her eyes to the grass in front of us being blown by the wind. I was somewhat surprised that Chichi-ue had been correct on all facets, and shocked at the spur of the moment in which Imoutou-chan poured her emotions out to me, that in a small sense she had been experiencing the same feelings as I. A deep connection, one I am unable to describe surfaced between us, inundated us in the solace of a final true understanding.

"To tell you the truth, I don't understand any of this as well, any of these…but what I do know is that we can't get rid of them. We can only continue on in life and hope that in time, we do learn to understand those feelings, ultimately make the choice as to what to do with them, and hope that it was for the better."

I glanced up at the sky to welcome the illuminate stars dotting the sky as crystals on a navy backdrop, clusters dazzling in their beauty and magnificence. The moon displayed her full face through the twilight and struck a nerve within my spirit, lifting me untamed toward what might be, enveloped in the supernatural aura it provided. And I looked to the one beside me, observing my actions and bearing into me, her ebony hair and the soft angles of her face highlighted by the wraithlike sapphire glow of the stars. The auburn of her iris appeared swathed in a cerulean hue, and as her eyes shook over my countenance, the colors mixed and mingled into each other, rendering a breathtaking sight more brilliant than anything I have ever seen in the world.

"Nii-san…" she whispered, and smiled. "I guess…I'm kinda…glad that you're my big brother."

With that said, she became flustered, and it was almost not visible in the night, but I glimpsed the rosy pink forming on her cheeks. A blush! She blushed! I rushed to address this, after years of intolerable teasing for my frequent uncontrollable blush, but was interrupted when my Imoutou-chan moved closer to me, her body pressing against mine, allowing me to feel her warmth, and gently laid her head on my shoulder. The fresh, forest scent of her hair rose up to my nose and engulfed me in a pleasant feeling, one that I welcomed, that filled my heart with a happiness I hadn't known until now, and I looked up at the sky again with a genuine smile.

"And you are my Imoutou-chan. I am so proud to be your Nii-san…and I hope it always stays that way."

We resided as we were for at least an hour or so when Kirara suddenly awoke with newly restored energy and stood at our feet, meowing respectively. Then a scene from our childhood became vivid in my memory, Imoutou-chan frowning when I asked her if she wanted to take a ride on Kirara and waving a hand in dismissal, stating with boldness, _"I don't need to ride on some neko! I can find something better to do than get a birds eye view of the same trees we see every day."_

"Hey, Kirara," I ventured, her ears automatically perked at the sound of her name. "what do you say to taking Imoutou-chan and I on a quick flying trip?"

Imoutou-chan sat up and I watched as Kirara voiced her delight, taking stance and suddenly being engulfed in bright, crimson flames, the small kitten gone from sight and once the blaze was extinguished, a massive nekomata with shimmering fangs protruding from her upper jaw taking its place. I stood and walked up to her, scratching her neck and eliciting a purr of contentment, which was my way of thanking her for allowing me to mount her back. I held out my hand for Imoutou-chan to grasp onto; she gave a false scoff and smirked. "Well, I guess I've got no where else to go."

I grinned at her irony, capturing her amazingly small hand in mine and helping her climb onto Kirara behind me. And we took into the sky that had seemed so unreachable before, Kirara's strides moderate and graceful yet powerful and immediate at the same time, causing Imoutou-chan to grasp my robes to prevent her falling off. The wind rushed through my ears and blocked any hopes of hearing sound, my hair and bangs blew from my face, the dampness of my eyes disappeared. Even though I have seen the ground below me from the altitude we happened to be at the time, it never looked so clear before, the air was pure and crisp to my sense of taste.

Soon, as our time in flight grew, so did Imoutou-chan's exhaustion, which surprised me because I usually am the weaker one, and I was absolutely wide awake with energy; but I did not complain or give a start when she rested her head on my back and drifted off to a realm of dreams and possibilities. In fact, I glanced back at her gentle quiescent face and smiled to myself, then looked to the horizon brimming over with new light and knew I would never be as filled with inexplicable emotions as I was right now.

**A/N: **Interesting...this chapter was intended to delve further into the conflicting emotions for both Kikyou and Kohaku, even though it was from Kohaku-san's point of view. This author also wanted to show how these two teenagers still turn to their parents for support, and such parents guide their children in the right direction, but in Miroku's style of parenting, he does not control. He allows Kohaku-san to make his own choice, after he led his son to the crossroads and that admirable quality of the monk was what this writer was trying to express. Sango, Kagome and Inuyasha will get their turns in brandishing their parenting skills later on in the story, because this author believes they should not be excluded save for a few parting words only because they have already gone through their teenage diificulties. theworldsgreatest01 seeks to include every single character as contributing to the growth of these special two. And so, Kohaku-san and Kikyou-chan reach amends...but closeness can not only bring familiarity, but romance as well. And...jealousy, of course. We do have the daughter of Inuyasha here. And even though they both are only connected on a sibling basis, one does not believe that when Kohaku-san begins to get attention from the opposite sex, that Kikyou-chan will be able to share...or will she be having her own time to "find herself" in the arms of another. One must wonder how Kohaku-san will react...theworldsgreatest01 thanks you for reading! Please review. Please!


	6. Eye Catcher in the Rye

**Disclaimer: **Again, theworldsgreatest01 does not own Inuyasha.

**A/N: **This author is very sorry to disappoint those waiting for the prologue but these chapters should be getting more and more interesting as we go along. This author promises to be done with the prologue very soon. theworldsgreatest01 promises.

**Chapter Six: Eye-Catcher in the Rye**

**... ...**

I'm starting to get the hang of this sibling thing or whatever the hell its called, anyway. Sure, I was pissed off to the last straw a few months ago when my "big brother" acted like a complete jackass and basically called me stupid as dirt, but I got over it when he apologized and came to me begging for forgiveness because I couldn't take him looking at me from far away with those sick dog eyes. Since then, I kinda feel good; laughing a lot, talking a lot. It feels like everything's not so bad anymore, I don't have to keep all my questions inside and I can be myself when we're alone, again. After that little fiasco we had, its almost like we've reached a whole new level; we understand each other more even if, at the same time, we don't get each other at all. Hm, its hard to get the gist of it, but to me its pretty simple. To somebody else on the outside looking in, they'd probably be confused just thinking about it. Somehow, I do get it, and nowadays, even though there may be some things about Nii-san that I don't get, I feel something that tells me I know everything deep down, so I just smile to myself with that in the back of my head.

The day of my beginning is getting closer now, what Oka-san calls it is much simpler: a birthday. I'll be turning seventeen winters. Time has passed since we first started our journey and I didn't even notice, so when Oka-san woke me up today earlier than usual with a bright smile I was surprised when she said, "You're growing up so fast."

I responded with, "But wasn't I just four feet tall yesterday? Are those herbs really working?"

"No, little Ms. Sarcasm, I'm talking about you turning seventeen already. Although it seems like just yesterday that you were four feet tall and hugging me everyday and telling me you loved me more than the whole length of your arms stretched out on both sides…"

To this memory, she squeezed me so tight I thought my arms were gonna lose circulation and fall off. "Whaddya mean I'm turning seventeen already? I was born in the beginning of spring, remember? Its still fall."

She thankfully let me go free and stood back to give me a quizzical expression with her hands on her hips. "Have you taken a look around at the scenery lately?"

Standing in the middle of our campsite, I looked up at the trees surrounding us. The branches were bare and devoid of life or flowers. A chill ran along both my arms with every wisp of the wind. I felt a strange tickling sensation on the bottom of my foot and saw that I had stepped on a bed of lilies trying to survive the cold, rough soil but had their lives cut short. The grass everywhere was turning a rusty color, and it even smelled like it was cold. Why hadn't I noticed it before?

Maybe because of the new freakin' people who keep popping up all over the place wanting to kill me and Nii-san, like this new chick who calls herself Haruka and tried to do some kind of snowy flowery trick with poison in it; well, there's where the idea that it was winter should have come from…but we breathed in one whiff of that stuff and it made blood practically shoot out our noses, especially mine. The feeling of it going up my nostrils almost burned my skull, and it felt so bad that I had to sit it with Oto-san since his sense of smell is even more sensitive than mine and his screams pierced my eardrums and echoed all through the cave we were trapped in. All of us have had to drink crushed up dead plants and snake venom in water for days to clean out our systems. Myoga said that if just a tiny drop of that poison is still in our bodies and goes untreated, we could die in a matter of days. And then, on top of that, this ninja guy who-- I don't even know if he's alive or a walking dead person because he smells like grave soil but looks pretty damn alive and kickin' to me if you count in the fact that he went one on one with me and was pretty damn good, --is confusing the hell out of me. But I do know that so far, his name is Kenta and he looks like he's not that much older than Nii-san, but his fighting skills, especially with a wide-range of weapons, is incredible. Arrows didn't do anything, so I gave them up and tried hand-to-hand combat and he matched my every move. Part of me is pissed to think that he was holding out on me. The look in his eyes, weird eyes, green ones…I felt him analyzing me, my every move, trying to remember it all, so I looked back at him and that's when he fumbled and I turned and elbowed him in the stomach. After that I didn't get anymore chances to land a punch or kick. Throughout our whole battle though, I knew he was holding back. He never touched me, at least not hard, anyway. Like he didn't want to, even after I got him good in the chin. All he did was avoid and evade and its been bothering me ever since. I think about him and the look in his eyes when I'm alone or lounging around with Nii-san and we take a quiet moment to retreat to our own thoughts; I relive it over and over, that look, that fumble. I've had at least two dreams about it, one of them just about the color of his eyes, the effect they had on me…and its something I don't get, and one of the only things where in the back of my head its not a reassurance that on some inner level I do, I just flat out don't. Sometimes I want to tell Nii-san, and there have been times when I almost have, to see what he thinks, but every time I do, I hold back. I guess its just one of those things I can't tell him and need to keep to myself. I can't just blurt out everything to him, like, "Hey its my time of the month! Don't piss me off!" I bet he holds personal stuff to himself too.

A lot of personal stuff, I bet. Well, today we walked for about three hundred miles trying to get the latest on Maburoshi, and all of us were glad that the presence of a village not that far away gave us a reason to put off the search just a little longer, because you know, there's no sense in walking through a village and not spending the night. You gotta have somewhere to lay your head once in a while! So nobody lost face as a weakling since no one said anything about going on ahead, and no one objected like a hopeless idiot, not even Oto-san who used to be famous for working Miroku, Sango, Oka-san and even little Shippou to the bone. But at that time, even he was up for getting some down time, so I was all in.

"Finally! Some nice pillows to rest our heads on! I was getting a little worn out from the 'patch of grass then ground' routine." Sango exhaled while we strode into the small village with its poor, wooden houses and dirt paths weathered down by ox-carts. The air smelled off sweet buns and cherry blossoms.

"Yes, it will be a reward for our good hunting to relax and indulge in the fragrant taste of warm sake…" Miroku seconded, a glazed and dreamy look on his face.

Shippou chimed in, "Yup! And good food!" Then he smirked cockily, "No offense Sango and Kagome, your food is good, but there's nothing like a real home cooked meal."

They glared in response and Sango huffed in annoyance. Now that we had made it into the place, all we had to do was find a house for Miroku to scam and we'd be sitting pretty, but I couldn't help but notice the weird women who kept watching us like they were awestruck when we passed, although when I looked a little closer and followed their gaze, I ended up looking at Nii-san regarding them as questioningly as I was, disturbed to say the least.

I fell back to the pace he held and nudged him, whispering, "What's going on with these women? Do you think they're possessed or something?"

Nii-san watched a woman who spotted him and tried to crane her neck to see him past an old man leaving his home but couldn't, so she carelessly pushed him aside and jogged closer but ducked behind a house when she saw him looking back at her. "I don't think so, but they are acting rather odd…" he said, leaning his head toward mine.

As we passed, every woman who glanced Nii-san couldn't take their eyes off him. One of them twisted her neck around so much that she caught a pain in it, another tried to push her husband aside to get a better view, a third had been feeding chickens by pouring corn out of a large bag into the pen, but saw Nii-san and wasn't paying attention to how much she was pouring, so she ended up nearly drowning them in food. We watched everything, confused and fascinated that no one else noticed the epidemic, until Miroku shouted out overzealously, "…and you have nothing to fear anymore! I have vanquished the monstrous youkai plaguing your home and threatening your good souls! You may now sleep peacefully at night, even if my good friends and family must slumber on the bare ground with jagged stones aching their sides…"

He glanced meaningfully at the elderly man with a silver mustache covering his upper lip but nothing covering his bald head and sighed. "Come, my wife…" he held out a hand toward Sango who rolled her eyes. "I'm afraid that love is all I can give you in this state, and even if it is very good love and satisfying to you, I will not be able to put a roof over heads so that we can thrive in that amazing, mind-blowing love that I give you…sadly--"

"Miroku!!"

"Er, Houshi-sama, if you need food and boarding for the night my grand-niece and I would be honored to have you stay as long as you like as penance for your gracious deed."

The old man interrupted the marital abuse that was about to occur between Sango and Miroku; Shippou jumped up onto the crude stone steps leading inside his home and Oka-san clapped her hands together in delight. Yeah, he was giving out too much perverted information, but I had to admit, he got the job done.

I thought the outside of the house looked sad, but the inside was even worse. The slanted boards that served as the roof were corroding away as badly as the floorboards, which had green mold forming in places where it shouldn't be. There were only two divisions for rooms, so the women would have to sleep in one and the men in the other, but it wouldn't have been better on either side because the smell of sweet Akashi buns didn't reach this place, nope, it reeked of lake water, old fish and decay. They must have tried to mask the stench with burning herbs, as I could see from the still smoldering embers that sat in the square patch of dirt in the middle of the entranceway which I guess was the cooking area, but while they probably fooled the all-human part of our ragtag family, I could tell by the looks on Oto-san's and Shippou's--even Kirara's!-- faces that they didn't fool us.

"Gee, Miroku, after years of practice swindling and lying, you would think you knew how to pick the right people to lie to…" Oto-san grumbled.

"Yeah, this is almost worse than sleeping outside!" Shippou jeered.

"Please, friends," Miroku rose a hand in his defense. "I happen to think on terms of quantity rather than quality."

"Well then, they have a quantity of mildew if that's what you were looking for! And isn't it quality to quantity?" I shot back, glaring at the guy who was practically my uncle but still a bozo.

Sango scanned the place and scrunched her face up. "They're right. You could have been a little more sensible with your choosing, Miroku-kun…"

"Yeah, Miroku, why such an…interesting…choice?" Oka-san asked as she stepped on a floorboard and it screeched as it threatened to break in two from the strain.

He cleared his throat and out of the corner of my eye I saw him wink at Nii-san, who didn't understand. "Ah, Kagome, I believe that you cannot judge a scroll by the messenger who delivered it. This place will do. If I had asked for anything more extravagant we would have gotten a hut with less mildew. If you would look at the area, we cannot ask for much."

"And what if the scroll is so old and moldy that you can't even read it?" I asked with a frown in his direction. "Can ya cut it out with the proverbs already?"

Right then, the old man entered the tiny entrance room with a barrel of fresh fish and a slab of ox meat wrapped in cloth. He smiled and said, sincerely, "Please, sit and relax. I know you must have traveled a long way to get here."

I winced at the thought of sitting down on all the rot and grout and started to miss the nice, soft, outside ground when he chuckled at our expressions. "Oh, of course, the mold." As he walked into the shadowy room on the left where no doubt more mildew lurked and thrived, he continued talking. "I am a fisherman, so, I normally track, er, water in from the lake over yonder…my niece always reminds me to be careful, but, I never listen, so there is damage…" he came back with a sheet tucked underneath his arm and carefully opened it fold by fold. "She really is a dear…she tries her best to keep the condition of our home, but I am the one who ruins things…like the water demon you, Houshi-sama, said infested our home….I must have provoked it by fishing without giving offering in thanks."

Sango glared at Miroku to emphasize the guilt he should have felt at making an old man think that he screwed things up for him and his grandkid. Miroku just grinned sheepishly and said to the old man, "Ano, Oji-san, I am sure that the demon was not wreaking havoc upon your home because of a lack of offering, but that it was simply malignant in nature--"

"No, no, Houshi-sama, I take full responsibility." he finally managed to unfold the sheet completely and motioned for us to move to one corner so that he would be able to lay it down. We obliged, and after several flaps, it gently descended upon the floor and covered the unruliness. "Now, you can sit with no worries." We didn't wanna break the old guy's heart, I gotta admit that a sheet didn't fix anything, but we sat down anyway. He pulled out two splint rocks and cracked them together over the dying embers, waiting for some sparks. "I just wish that I would listen to my poor grand-niece…she means the best, with her dear mother and father gone from a raid on this sad, little village long ago, she has only me to contend with and yet, I am so stubborn…"

A fire finally rose in front of us and he placed a charcoaled pot over the flame, it being held up by two conveniently, but awkwardly shaped sticks planted into the dirt to hold up the pot by the sides. "We never had much," he continued, "but little Sayuri does all she can to make it the best."

After carefully placing the beef in the pot and the sizzle of the meat sounded out in the small house, he looked up at our faces and grinned, wrinkles sprouted up all over withered skin. "I do talk about her so much, do I? Well, she is all that I have left…no family, no friends besides my little Sayuri. Such a beautiful, charming little girl."

Miroku interrupted by rushing to ask, "Oji-san, if you don't mind my asking…exactly how old is your little Sayuri-san?"

The old man crumpled up his face and thought for a long time and finally answered after a while, "She will be sixteen winters tomorrow."

"Huh?" We all exclaimed in unison.

"I'm sorry to tell you this old man, but that kid's not 'little Sayuri' anymore." Oto-san said, crossing his arms.

"Oh, well, this I do know, but I like to think of her as my little Sayuri still. I'm surprised she hasn't left me for her own happy life…I know she rejects all her suitors for me. It pains me that she has to be left out from her happiness for an old man like me…but she tries to relieve my guilt with smiles and her precious laughter."

"Wow, old grandpa. That's tough." Shippou murmured, unconsciously petting Kirara who was sitting next to him.

He was right, and I expected to hear some kind of sob story judging from the conditions of the place but I didn't know it would be that bad. And that little Sayuri girl seems to hide her misery really well if you take in account of her livin' with an old man all her life.

"So just where is Sayuri-san now?" Miroku asked, turning a simple talk into a weird interrogation over a girl nearly twenty years younger than him. He'd brought her up three times already!

"Sayuri-chan is running errands around town. I'm sure she'll be back sometime later on." the old man answered respectively, and Miroku sat back with a satisfied nod. Sango gave him a suspicious sideways glance but only I caught it. I don't blame her for looking at her husband like that after he kept asking obsessive questions about a teenage girl, taking note of his reputation as a womanizer before and during his courting her. Makes someone wonder what he's up to…

After a surprisingly good meal considering the financial stuff and the look of the old, run down place the old guy let us stay in, I couldn't take the smell of mold, the sound of too much talking about nothing, and too many people in one room; the need to go outside for a breath of fresh, non-toxic air was overwhelming. Nii-san automatically got up to join me; obviously the coward had been waiting for me to get up first so he wouldn't look like the rude one. I just rolled my eyes at the relief he showed as he scrambled to his feet and waved a hand to let them know we were leaving.

"You know, you don't have to wait until I get up to get up yourself if you want to." I said to Nii-san.

He smiled that lop-sided smile and looked around. "Well, I-I just don't want them to think I don't want to be there…"

I started walking toward the food stand where they served the Akashi buns across from where we stood at the old man's doorstep and sucked my teeth. "It's not like they care!"

I expected him to answer like the smart, obedient boy he is with a logical explanation that would turn into an all-out speech on how much our parents want to protect us and do all they can and how we should at least spend some time with them, but I didn't so I took my eyes off the buns sitting in a wooden rack for display to see what got him quiet all of a sudden and saw him still standing at the old man's doorstep and the moving of his mouth, the blush on his cheeks and the woman clenching a folded up kimono to her chest, looking up into his eyes with a fake innocence that made me sick. He held his hands up in defense and shook his head at the woman, she pouted and clearly pleaded with him but he walked backwards still shaking his head, then turned around and ran over to me.

"What was that about?"

"That girl…she.." Nii-san paused and blushed, swallowing before he said in a small voice, "She wanted me to go to the village festival with her and said I was…"

I cocked my head to the side and frowned. "She said you were what?"

Right after I asked the question apparently the daughter of the owner of the Akashi shop was listening and I had noticed her earlier gazing at Nii-san and almost drooling, but I didn't expect her to jump forward, leaning over the counter and blurting out, "The most handsome man I've ever seen!!"

We both staggered back from shock, even me! Despite my reflexes I was caught off guard by the girl, as well as Nii-san, whose eyes grew twice their size while she swooned over him. He looked at me and signaled with his head that we should run before she went crazy. I nodded and she didn't even notice that we just stepped back little by little in case she tried anything and sprinted in another direction.

"What the hell is wrong with the people in this village?" I spat after we found a safe spot under the canopy of an herb peddler's store.

Nii-san shrugged. "Did that woman call me handsome?" he asked, blushing again in embarrassment.

"I don't know why! She must have had a sight problem. You look more like a scared little mouse to me."

I stared him down. It almost felt like he was enjoying all the attention these little fillies were giving him! I actually caught a smug smile on his face…well, it wasn't much of one, but he titled his mouth to suggest he was holding back one. For that, I snorted in disgust and leaned against the hut with my arms crossed. In all the other villages we've gone to nothing like this ever happened. Now all of a sudden he's some kind of sex symbol to these women? Maybe its just the village. They probably have the ugliest men in Edo here or something. I mean, Nii-san? Handsome? It must be a defiance of law to use those two words in the same sentence. Well, there were incidents with women liking him that he's had, including the one from a few months ago with the village headman's daughter, but those situations were just because he was somehow found attractive in their eyes! And yet, even while we stood side by side under the cool shade of the canopy jutting out from the hut they stared and pointed at him until he couldn't take it and neither could I.

"We should go someplace else." he mumbled, cupping a hand over his mouth to hide his words from the prying eyes of the others waiting for his next move. "I don't think they'll follow us…do you?"

"Of course not! They can't be that desperate!"

We escaped from the side of the hut and tried to find a secluded area, but in order to do so we had to travel past the houses. Each one we passed, a girl or woman, once an old woman; peeked out one by one and appeared at their doorstep. All of them with eyes on Nii-san. Soon enough, we got glares from the men in his direction as well. I don't know why, but it got on my nerves to an extent that I wanted to punch him straight in the face so he wouldn't be made a fuss over anymore. I glared at him and his stupid blush, growing more and more as we walked through the village; they probably fell for his cute, adorable shyness or his dumb tiny, monk ponytail in the back of his head. Miroku has it too, but they're not all over him! As we stayed outside longer and longer, it got more sickening to be around him. Everywhere we stopped, a woman came up to him, and we thought we found a safe haven in the distant field where the children played, but as soon as we sat down in the grass and sighed in relaxation, someone came up.

Her hair had obviously been brushed over and over to doll herself up for Nii-san and she brought out the most decent kimono she had, and I could tell as she walked up to us that she was trying to look coy. "Houshi-sama, I heard what you did for Sayuri-chan's Oji-san…" she began. She bent down to Nii-san's level to give him a clear view of her breasts.

He saw, it showed through the redness that bloomed on his ears and spread all over his face to the tip of his nose. And the most tasteless thing that he did was trying to look away but not even succeeding because of the nasty inner pervert I always knew was in him. He sputtered before catching his breath and saying, "I'm sorry, I wasn't the one who helped her Oji-san, it was my father. So, he is still at Sayuri-san's granduncle's house if you want to--"

"--Oh, that's fine! A simple mistake. May I talk to you anyway, Houshi-sama?" her voice got small and childlike, and I felt the meal from earlier in the afternoon rising up in my stomach again to try and greet the outside world.

He glanced at me for support, but he was the one looking down her kimono just like she wanted him to, so I rose my eyebrows and turned my head away. He made his bed and sowed his seeds, now he was going to have to deal with it. Why would I have to help someone who didn't want to be helped? He looked very comfortable with that every other second sneak peek at the slut.

I watched him squirm in discomfort as she leaned closer to give him a better view of everything he wanted to see, he scooted back and mumbled, "I-I really can't speak to anyone right now…I am here with my Imoutou-chan."

"Actually you're in luck." I spoke up, placing my hands in the grass and pushing myself up into a standing position, getting ready to leave him there to enjoy the show on his own. The stricken look on his face would have gotten me if it wasn't holding up the brown eyes that were staring down a girl's chest just a second ago. "I'm leaving."

"Imoutou-chan…" he whimpered, begging like the loser he is. It didn't faze me.

What got my attention was the sarcastic question the slut bending over him asked. "That's your Imoutou-chan?"

A nerve exploded within me and I reeled on her with a sneer. "Yeah, what do you have to say about it??"

She moved back, disturbed by the stance I took, my arms folded tightly with my hands curled into tight fists. To me, it appeared that she couldn't take the heat, and she only talked but didn't have the guts to back it up, and even though she was that shallow and disgustingly cowardly, Nii-san was going to talk to her. I knew he was, so before he had the chance to say anything in his defense, I walked away without another word.

No one looked or stared at me the way they did at Nii-san when he walked past. As I made headway for the old man's home, they stared and pointed, not admiringly, but ridiculing me. Whispering about the color of my eyes or the dark aura of my presence. I've heard it all before. I was the one they avoided and looked at warily. Nii-san was always the charming, adorable one. Well, he can do that by himself. I already told him I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm going to be seventeen winters soon. And I don't need him if he's going to be perverted just like Miroku was. He can make his own mistakes. He's a not a little boy anymore either. Clearly he isn't.

Inside the old man's house it wasn't so bad, I adjusted to the smell and he was a welcoming geezer, brought out his good cheap sake and all for everybody. He even offered me some, but I told him I wasn't old enough. He insisted, then my Oto-san had to come in between us and assert his authority with a snarl. Oka-san had to step up behind him, frowning at his bad manners toward an elder. Miroku's drunken laughter filled the small area as he kept feeling up Sango no matter how much she warned him and ultimately slapped him, he pressed on, shouting out, "Oh, Sango, my love, remind me of the old times! Remind me of when we were young!"

"Miroku! Cut it out, this isn't the time, especially while you're so drunk!" she hissed.

But he kept on getting frisky, and I didn't really pay attention to the dull thunk of a hard object colliding with his empty skull and the sound of his body falling onto the floor in the midst of all the good spirits in the place. Even Oto-san loosened up and drank some of the cheap sake which I figured as much from the red splotches all over his face, and Oka-san had some too, she couldn't stop giggling. Shippou and me sat down together, the only ones who couldn't have a drink, but despite me having to sit with the loser playing with a little toy spinning top, as I looked around at all the goofballs making fools of themselves, the old man too, I felt…I felt normal. Like this was just the family on a regular night. I liked it, and for a second I noticed Nii-san was missing from the picture, and I felt sorry for the pervert. He was missing out on a moment we might never get to witness again.

**A/N: **The title of this chapter, of course, came from the book Catcher In The Rye, and this author noticed as they were writing it, that the scene where Kohaku and Kikyou are resting on golden grass, which resembles rye, and the scene where the women's eyes are caught by Kohaku's good looks would save this writer much trouble by deeming it after a book. Also, Kohaku-san can be considered as quite the eye-catcher, for he posesses very good genes from each parent. Dark cocoa brown eyes inherited from the mother enhanced by the intense, endless quality of the father; dark, silky brown hair, Miroku's deep, sensuous voice and facial structure coupled with Sango's endearing nature makes for an eye-catcher indeed.


	7. Innocence Ignorance

**Disclaimer: **And yet again, theworldsgreatest01 openly admits to the public that they do not own Inuyasha.

**A/N: **This author has decided to let the characters take a rest from their tumultuous life to be able to further delve into their developing personalities and their "coming-of-age" if you will, so they will be staying in this village for quite some time in order to explore the one of the scarce moments they will have to be regular teenagers, complete with troubles with the opposite sex, their own conflicting feelings and the urgent need to find themselves, as all adolescents do. These next few chapters will be dedicated to observing the progression within Kikyou-chan and Kohaku-san and how fast they will develop new views about the world around themselves by taking time to part ways and explore horizons they were never offered to explore before.

**Chapter Seven: Innocence--Ignorance**

**... ...**

You wouldn't be able to guess exactly how astonished I was when Imoutou-chan narrowed her eyes at me in the worst possible way, engendering a deep seated guilt on my part at the repugnance she showed, and walked away without explaining anything. I can't believe she actually thought the whole situation was a fault of my own! I can't trust that she even considered the possibility of my enjoying the predicament! But, there I was, lying down on a bed of golden grass on a deserted hill with a woman's chest in front of my face and her harlot's smile giving the subterfuge of innocence. The blood rushed to my face with such speed that I felt a slight dizziness from my bodily fluid being so rapidly transported from other parts of my body that needed it. Seconds appeared to space out in time as everything slowed down in my eyes after I saw Imoutou-chan's silhouette in the distance, not even taking the care to look back at least to see me one last time. Or to see if I was still alive because judging by the rapid rate of my heartbeat, I considered the eventual theory that I would be having the snake-of-the-heart attack me without mercy. And as I sat there taking occasional, curious glances back at the valley of sin, while time had slowed to my convenience, I wondered why this was all happening. All these women were calling me handsome, attractive, even going so far as to say I'm gorgeous! Me, gorgeous? It was so confusing…Why would they be taking the time to salivate over me? Yes, there were periods when we visited certain villages that one or two women would be rather odd around me, including that village headman's psychotic daughter, but then again it was two or three--not an entire village's worth! I just can't see it. How could I be attractive?

I didn't know how long I had been reviewing my thoughts until the woman showing me her chest tapped my shoulder. "Yes?" I said, snapping out of my trance.

"Oh, you're going to the festival with me?" she placed a hand over her mouth in genuine excitement.

She had misheard me, or misinterpreted what my 'yes' really meant. I almost felt sorry that I had to correct her since she was so worked up over what she thought was my agreement to take her to the village festival that apparently was a very big event here. But, I wasn't going to go through a whole disastrous event to try to please one overly-sexed woman. I've learned that you can't please everyone, so I rushed to explain before she became fixated on my attending the event with her. Well, more fixated than she already was.

"No, forgive me, but you misunder--I mean, I said that the wrong way." I didn't want her to feel foolish on my part. "I-I really d-d-don't have plans on attend-attending the festival with anyone!" With her chest dangling before me, it was increasingly difficult to concentrate.

"What?" she looked heartbroken at this, and the guilt was so great that I almost told her it was all a mistake and that I really wanted to take her to the festival. Thankfully, she stood up straight in shock and released me from my virtuous prison. "But you said--Houshi-sama…"

"I should really be going, now." I interrupted before things got even worse than they already were. "It was nice meeting you…"

I had been waiting for her to tell me her name, if only to be polite, but as I scrambled to stand and be on my way, she grabbed at my arm. "Mieko. Don't go yet, please."

I suddenly felt very nervous as her nails started to dig desperately into my shoulder. Her eyes conveyed a pure extreme anxiety that frightened me. "Mieko-san…I would be honored to but I really must--"

Her grip tightened further and I began to feel a tingling sensation running up and down my arm. "I've never met someone as flattering as you, Houshi-sama. Not once in my lifetime have I felt such a strong desire to be with another man other than you." she whispered, looking up at me.

Flattering? All I had said was where my father was located, that I had to leave, that I was grateful to have met her--which was a lie, clearly--and asked her for her name to be polite. I hadn't even been remotely flattering and she had just met me. She doesn't even have any idea what my real name is, and this I know because she's been calling me "Houshi-sama" the entire time.

I tried to turn myself loose discreetly. It was impossible to accomplish without using brute force, and my mental alarms went off. I need to talk myself out of this, and make sure not to make any sudden movements. I took an attempt to show her I was calm, but the chuckle I struggled to surface from the bottom of my stomach came out as a shaky, nervous laugh. "Really, I-I should b-be the flattered one!" The bridge of my nose heated and I knew a blush had settled there and along my cheeks. "You are a very pretty woman Mieko-san, and as much as I would like to stay I-I-I h-have to go--I-I must, so, so I'll be leaving now, if you would just be so kind as to--"

She was clueless to the rapid tugging I did to my trapped arm. "You think I'm pretty!?" she grinned, digging her fingernails deeper into my skin through my robes.

If she was distracted by this, she might be even more distracted if I showered on the compliments. Then, maybe she would loosen her grip and I would be able to sneak away without her even knowing! I proceeded into my spontaneous plan. "Of-of course! Any man would think that! In fact, I-I-if I wasn't already betrothed to another…" I've already committed more transgressions in just these few minutes than in my entire life! I must go to beg forgiveness and meditate later on, for sure. "…I would c-c-consider courting you r-right now!"

It was one of the worst mistakes I have made in my whole life. Not only did she not release me, but it felt like she was holding on for dear life now, and in such an expeditious moment that I had no idea what happened, she cried out, "_Oh, Houshi-sama_!" And grabbed my face in her hands to kiss me. This, thank Buddha, was not my first kiss, but I was disturbed by it all the same! This was the last straw. I couldn't possibly be able to take any more sexual harassment than this, which was already bordering on rape! Who knows if she won't take it to the next step without any interference!! So, after processing my position, her lips molded against mine, thankfully her tongue stayed in her own mouth, I broke from her so quick that I almost staggered back and fell onto my rear.

"I-I-I, er, bye!" I sputtered and fled from the situation as fast as I could. My legs never worked as much as they did then, not even in combat or in a near-death circumstance. Well, if you consider it, that was a near-death circumstance.

After that, I had developed a quick phobia for returning to the village where I had no doubts that other women identical to the one who had just assaulted me lurked, eager for my return, so I ran in the opposite direction, down the great hill and into the amber colored woods ahead. My heart straining against my chest, I found it hard to breathe as I dashed upon dried leaves, air came in and out of my lungs in pants and I was sweating profusely, even though it was getting late and a bit chilly. When I finally stopped, I was concerned with how much my hands were shaking. I was incredibly nervous about what had just occurred. And now my body was registering it as well. I hadn't done anything to warrant such attention! All I've ever done is be myself and no one ever paid so much mind then! So why the attention now? I take a careful look around to make sure no one had followed me. Sure, it has been a while since we stopped at a village, and the last village we stopped at, a handful of girls accosted me…but that was a long time ago…have I really changed all that much? I need to see my reflection. When was the last time I saw myself? Months. I needed to now.

I observed the surroundings, the position of the trees, the dampness of the air--all these factors would help me decide the approximate location of the nearest source of water, as I was taught by my Haha-ue. The bark on the tree I leaned against to catch my breath was moldy, so I knew immediately that a pond was very near and to the east, and that is where I walked at a regular pace.

I don't know if I'm delighted at the possibility of my being handsome or some other. Actually, I'm not all that much proud of all the eyes on me claiming that I am. I guess, maybe its because I don't want that. What I mean is, I don't want that burden upon my shoulders, and I call it a burden because…well, I don't like seeing women that just dispose themselves upon handsome strangers--it looks so depressing and sad, and I wouldn't want to be that stranger that sees first-hand the pitiful, salacious things that women do to be loved. I don't want to be with someone who cares about the way I look and lets that be the first thing that attracts her to me and the only thing she might care about. I want to be with someone who notices me drifting among the sea of ordinary men and says to herself, 'he's extraordinary'. I want to be discreet and subtle, but I just want a small light about me, and I want to find a woman that looks hard enough to see it, not a large, boastful beam shooting from my face that nearly blinds them all. That attracts all kinds of women, special or not. But I'm looking for the special one.

The pond was in my sights after just a minute of walking east, and it was significantly broad, save for a few intersecting trees that blocked the other side of it and most likely hid the actual breadth of its vastness. I drew in a deep breath that I was ready to exhale but kept in from the surprise of hearing another body traveling swiftly through the woods toward the pond. I instinctively hid behind a tree and looked in the direction that the sound of running feet had come from, but I was only slightly relieved to find it wasn't a demon but a girl. She was barefoot, about my age and carried an expression of anxiousness as she raced to the same pond my sights were set on moments ago, but to the other side that was hidden from me before. Although, when I glanced around the tree my back was tightly pressed against I had a full view of the once hidden area. There was another girl on the far-end of the bank of the pond, bending over and rinsing her face. A pile of clothes was next to her.

The running girl called out, "Sayuri-chan!" and the girl at the pond sat up and watched the other one slow down and come to a complete stop in front of her.

I wasn't able to see from afar, but from where I was, the Sayuri girl at the edge of the pond was quite attractive opposite the girl who had addressed her that had questionably short red hair. Sayuri-san's was brown as far as I could tell, and her eyes were blue. It peaked my interest, if I must admit. A woman with blue eyes is very peculiar. I've heard stories of women in far-off places that have different colored eyes and such, varying from blue to green and all types of colors, but here in Nihon, it is strangely surreal to see a woman with eyes colored other than brown, like Imoutou-chan. I kept my hiding place behind the tree, lest they discover me and the same scenario like before be played over again, but I protruded a little more into view to see them better.

"Sayuri-chan, you must introduce me to that monk! Its not fair if you keep him all to yourself, you know!" the red haired girl said.

Obviously, I knew who she was speaking of, although Sayuri-san's titled head and furrowed eyebrows suggested differently. "Who? A monk?" her voice was soft and light. Almost a whisper. My interest sparked all the more.

She looked up at the red haired girl standing over her as she knelt at the bank. "Oh, don't try to play dumb. You know…the young apprentice monk! He's staying at your house, Sayuri-chan so don't act like--"

"There's a monk staying at my home?" Sayuri-san asked, oblivious to the information. That was when my mind lit up in enlightenment. She was the grand-niece to the old man in who's home we were offered shelter. She was little Sayuri-san…even though she was a full grown woman. Not that I mean anything by saying she's a full grown woman…it is true.

The red haired girl eyed her for a few seconds, then folded her arms. "Yes!" she responded. "A whole group of wanderers. A hanyou, a miko, a tajiya, a strange human-looking youkai, no doubt the offspring of the hanyou and miko, a cute kitsune youkai and two monks, one of which is the one everyone is talking about! You can't be that dense Sayuri-chan, they are in your own home with your Oji-san Gendomaru entertaining them!"

Sayuri-san rose to her feet and tilted her head again. "I had no idea…" she said, her voice a little distant. She moved her head upright. "Oji is always taking in wanderers… Well, I was running errands all day so I haven't even met them yet."

The girl with her arms folded stepped back, astounded. "You mean to tell me that you have the most gorgeous man in Nihon under your roof and you haven't even seen him yet?!"

A light-hearted symphony of laughter filled the air and wrapped around my heart. I drew in a breath which further placed constriction over my chest. Her laugh was so lyrical and brilliant that it touched me in a way I'm incapable of comprehending or explaining for that matter.

"The most gorgeous man in Nihon? I think you're over exaggerating a bit, Asuza-chan." Sayuri-san picked up the bundle of clothes, frowned, then placed them back on the ground where they were, ultimately completing a pointless action that caused me to smile.

Asuza-san watched her with a sneer. "Well, we'll see who's over exaggerating when you see him. You'll be just as eager to fall over him, even kiss him if you're lucky…" Asuza-san smiled malignantly as Sayuri-san averted her eyes and blushed slightly. It appeared she was aware of the effect the subject had on Sayuri-san. "Mieko-chan actually kissed him and she said the sun came before her when she felt his lips with hers…"

I immediately regretted not leaving that woman sooner, before she was allowed her minute of fame and spread it to the whole world.

She cupped her hands together and sighed. "She said he told her he would marry her if he wasn't already betrothed."

Sayuri-san's eyes widened in alarm. "Mieko-chan kissed a man that is engaged to someone else? And you find interest in him?"

"Oh, please Sayuri-chan." Asuza-san waved a nonchalant hand. "He's only betrothed. It s not like he's married or anything."

Sayuri-san was not pleased with this, and gave Asuza-san a benign look of disappointment. She apparently ignored it. "Just hurry up and go see him and you'll know what I mean. And who knows what might happen, since he is in your house…and he's going to be sleeping there--maybe you'll be the one who will do more than kiss him, if you know what I mean…"

A silence filled the air and was broken by Asuza-san's sharp cachinnating. Nothing like Sayuri-san's delicate giggle. It nearly broke the sound barrier. "Don't forget to tell him about me when you see him!" she called, taking off in a tumult of crackling dry leaves under bare feet.

I wondered what I should do then, as I found myself watching the simple, pointless, pretty things she did, such as catch a leaf falling from the sky, place it in her yukata, then take it out and discard it, then gathering a handful of water in both her palms and looking into it, then letting it fall back into the pond with a small splash, wiping her hands dry on her hakama. I have no idea what it was, but I felt something toward her, something I've never felt before, and I haven't even met her yet. Just observing her had given me feelings I am unable to describe. Her uncommonness shone like the brightest stone in the bottom of the pool, and I was transfixed by it.

So I had no clue as to what to do next, considering how distracted I was. I couldn't just walk away because she would undoubtedly hear my footsteps on the fallen leaves coating the woodland floor. At first I had resolved to stay hidden until she left, which didn't seem to long from now since her friend had already left and she was possibly done with whatever she was doing before if she was simply looking around…but I was terribly wrong. When she was done making sure no one was around, she untied the sash holding her yukata together--I should have known if she was wearing only a yukata and not a kimono!--and opened the flaps covering her body so swiftly I was unaware of what she was doing until I saw everything…her top, her bottom, everything…and slammed my back against the tree I was peering around so hard it shook and she paused. I placed my trembling fist against my mouth to abstain from making any unwelcome sounds. I didn't dare breathe, and she was content to have heard nothing. This I knew as I heard the whisper of the water as it moved and accommodated her body. Run! I thought instantly, as the image of her nude figure burned into my memory. But then again, I couldn't! she would hear! And I was left with nothing else to do but wait for her to finish bathing, which could leave me ensconced behind the tree for hours, feeling like the most perverted person in the world.

Then, as I listened unwillingly to the splashing water, my heart jumped in joyous celebration at the emotional, poetic song pouring from her lips and echoing within the vestibules of my ears. Oh, her laugh was amazing enough, but her voice, singing in that lilting tune! It was breathtaking. She was also singing a song I recognized, a simple village lullaby that I had once heard when I was little, through the open door of another family's home. The mother was singing it to her infant, and as Haha-ue tucked me in that night I begged her to sing it to me. I had thought my Haha-ue's voice was impeccable, yet when I heard Sayuri-san's….my neck burned with the heat traveling up to my face. I closed my eyes and listened avidly to her, as if I were drifting off to sleep. That voice…oh, that voice. I felt so many confusing emotions! I wanted to run out in the open and hold her, tell her my name and hear the song reverberate into my heart…

I wasn't even aware of when she drifted off, the song ceasing, and I didn't hear the splash of water any longer. Finally, she had left! I was crestfallen that I wasn't able to hear more of her singing, yet I was also pleased I could leave as well. With a breath of calm, I walked out from behind the tree and collided into a solid, warm, slightly damp form.

"Oh!" it gasped, a thump of a fallen body in my ears, and a soft bundle of fabric fell on my feet. But when I heard that voice, that gasp, my heart leapt into my mouth. I gazed down, and directly into a pair of light blue eyes that resembled a robin's egg and conveyed the pain its wielder felt. It was her, planted on her rear on the ground before me and finally looking up to meet my shocked stare with one of ingenuousness. Her features softened and her look turned into a gape to which she sucked in a small breath of air.

I forgot-- when time stood still as we were, staring into each other's eyes-- that she was on the ground, and I broke free from the enchantment long enough to say, "I-I'm sorry." And offer her my hand. It's the same hand I offered Imoutou-chan the night we reconciled from the long argument months before. I took note of this as she placed her moist hand inside of mine and wrapped her fingers of a demure bride around it. I effortlessly helped her to her feet; she weighed almost nothing. Then, I perfunctorily picked up her clothes for her and handed them to her, staring into her eyes the entire time. She automatically took them, held them to her chest, and there we stood, without anything else to distract us. Suddenly, we both blushed at the same time and looked away from each other. I noticed the dainty pink fluster about her and the heat traveling all over my body. What do I say? I just jumped from behind a tree right after she was done bathing. The chance that she didn't think I was a pervert was extremely unlikely.

Sayuri-san broke the silence. "Um…uh--" She looked into my eyes again and her expression was lost, dazed and touching. My insides fluttered with the specialty her eyes placed upon me.

"You have a remarkable voice." Why can't I ever stay quiet? The words poured forth in a wave that was too great to control, and my mouth allowed them to escape their prison.

Her gaze widened exponentially. "What?"

My face burned and I presently turned and walked off altogether before I said anything else. She didn't pursue me to clarify things, and I was glad until halfway back to the village I realized that she had been heading to her home, which was exactly where I was going. She had unknowingly given me a head start, but it was useless. I would see her again. I didn't know how I felt after that. The walk to the old man's hut was longer than usual, and in that course of time that I had to mentally review everything, I figured out nothing. It was dark, the Hour of the Rat evident in the lack of light all around me, and I hadn't even the slightest idea until now. I stood before the door of the hut, hesitant in entering. A lot happened from the afternoon I left with Imoutou-chan, to the night I arrived alone at the stone steps leading inside. I've been kissed by a manic, obsessed woman, peeped in on a girl undressing and bathing, listened to her as she sang in the confidence of her false solitude, and bumped into her on my way out, then told her she has an amazing voice and walked away without another word. All from sunrise to sunset. I would really need to repent tomorrow.

I thought I heard her in the darkness, humming that village lullaby as she walked back home and pondered over that man who emerged suspiciously from behind a tree after she had just gotten dressed from being undressed moments before and impulsively told her she has a beautiful voice, most likely embarrassed to hear that someone had actually been eavesdropping. So I hurried to throw back the fabric that covered the entrance of the door and enter rather than allow her to catch me.

To my surprise, everyone already retired to their respective sleeping quarters and when I walked in the hut the only one in the entrance room was Haha-ue, sitting with her legs folded beneath her and a single candle lighting up the area.

"Welcome back. Where have you been?" she asked as I yawned.

"Er--I've just been enjoying the scenery…" the image of Sayuri-san's nude body burned behind my eyelids and I cringed at how perverted I sounded.

"Really?" Haha-ue arched an eyebrow and stood up in front of me. "I figured that much."

I followed her gaze and found that she was looking at my lips. Why would my Haha-ue be looking at my lips? "What's wrong?" She ignored my confusion and reached into the folds of my robes to retrieve the shuriken I kept hidden there, holding it in front of my face. I didn't comprehend and glanced at her for guidance but she stared at a hole in the floor with a concentration that portrayed her worries. Then I looked directly at the shuriken, and saw my reflection. The red smudge on my lips. A rouge smudge. The woman that kissed me! She left her mark and it fell back to haunt me! That was why Sayuri-san stared at me so awkwardly?! She was trying to tell me I had been walking around with rouge on my lips. And now I walked into the hut at the latest hour, and my Haha-ue saw her son with rouge on his lips. When I glanced back at her, anxiety was etched into her brow. She closed her eyes.

"Please don't tell me you're trying to continue your father's legacy." she sighed.

**A/N: **Sadly, this chapter did not delve far enough into Kohaku's experience with this girl, Sayuri-chan. Yet, this author merely wanted to do a short introduction on the subject, and the appearance of a new interest for the young monk, and the strong, quick effect she had on him, contrary to her status in society. Hopefully, this author will further explain Kohaku's plight of romance and maybe you, the reader, will see whether it goes unrequited or not.


	8. Sparks

**Disclaimer: **theworldsgreatest01 does not own Inuyasha and has no wish to.

**Author's Note: **theworldsgreatest01 is quite aware of how long this chapter is, and that is why this author asks you to please forgive the creative spontaneity with which they went about writing this chapter. The creativity put into it is one of the reasons why it took so long to write, aside from its incredible length. But this author can do nothing but plead with you to endure it, because they put a lot of thought into this and would appreciate, well, some appreciation. This author decided to have another chapter reserved for Kohaku-san simply because they could not stop writing for a second about this new pairing and the intrusion of Kikyou-chan would not have been treated kindly. But rest assured, although this chapter has been dumped in sentiment, this author believed that Kohaku-san should at least have a chapter where he is able to thrive in all his bashful, admirable glory. So here it is, and this author hopes you enjoy reading it as much as they enjoyed writing it.

**Chapter Eight: Sparks**

**... ...**

Sayuri-san. As I whisper her name in the darkness of this room, with the gentle breathing of Chichi-ue, Shippou and Inuyasha filling the expanse and adding to the quiet ambience of night, my mouth moistens much more than usual. I think of her, and my palms obtain a dewy texture. I envision her, hear her voice inside my ear, singing that poor village lullaby, and my heart beats stifle the song. Her face, I remember, was flawless and soft. She has a small nose, olive skin--lips with a light pink shade…not that I was fully analyzing only that aspect of her! It is a feature of her face, so, naturally I will take note of it. I have done the same with her eyes…her iris swathed in that blue of the sky after the rain. Hm. I see it everywhere I look. I shortly forgot the tainted memory of her body and I am merely left with her song and her eyes. Sayuri-san. A beautiful name. But what exactly do I feel toward her? I admire her. I enjoy the thought of admiring her. I enjoy everything about her, and I haven't even gotten the chance to see her smile yet. Or introduce myself formally to her. All I have to show is a small, brief encounter where I flattered her and ran off. I want to speak to her. Oh, I wish I had such courage! I wish I knew why I feel this way!

I look to Chichi-ue. His mouth is slightly open and his mind deep inside of a dream. He once told me, "The people of this earth move along as they are taught to. They see what they see and learn what they hear and consume and dispense. But, as dull and obvious as we all are, there will always be a time in our lives when we have turned from a corner and are met with the oddest sensations in the presence of another, and we will stop and ponder this and ask, 'Why do I feel this? What is this feeling?' Every intellectual has asked this same question and explored this inexplicable phenomenon, seeking the answer, wanting to understand that feeling that causes them to feel like there is a purpose in life other than what they once set out to do. Something that gives the world a splendor that they had never known until then. Until seeing one person that, from first eye contact, made them feel that feeling of worth, of, something greater than worth and they asked the ultimate question, 'What is this?' And they have driven themselves insane wondering, is this love? Is this happiness? Is this what I have been waiting for my entire life? And, in the end, they always fail to find the answer. Because, for some reason, they found that they were unable to go on trying to rationalize the concept and rub it raw of all its layers of complexity because they found that the more they tried to add reason to it, the less significant the feeling became. You see, Kohaku, what they discovered was that it could not be simplified for their minds or explained because it would get boring and loose its meaning, because they tried so hard to find out its meaning. We simply accept the fact that it is, because if we were to try to find the reasons for why the sun is its most brilliant after the rain, or why a child smiles or why is love what it is, we are left with scrolls upon scrolls describing why, but all that information has already disenchanted us, and left us with a confusion that asks why we even asked why in the first place. Some things, you can't ask why. You cannot dissect a feeling that great. But we are all fools, Kohaku. And yes, when I came to that point in life and felt that sweet feeling I frowned and wondered, 'Why am I feeling this? I have never felt it before so why now? What is it?' And the same thing happened to me as I tried to figure out the reason for that, and then, you become lost in your thoughts and the person before you blurs in the wake of such nonsense.

"You will also come to that point. And you will ask the same question. And no, it might not be love. That might not be the person you end up waking to every single morning of the rest of your life. But--in that feeling. If you happen to feel that feeling in the presence of that person, you can never rule out the what if! And that is why we have that feeling. It is a signal to dream. To either look to the future or bask in the present. It is our own signal that we all feel as humans…to dream with that person. And enjoy that feeling. Because…it is your own what if. And that is the only question you have no need to ask, but your fate does. All you can do is feel it. And hold it to your heart. Hold that person to your heart. No one person is alike, and you most likely won't get the same feeling you felt toward every person you feel it toward, but if that person made you feel that way, chances are, they are special. Special in your heart. So you can never forget them. Because they will always carry your what if."

I was moved by what he told me, and I recall that he entrusted this information to me at the age of ten winters. And I am doing exactly what he advised me not to do. I thought. I think too much. I wondered, and asked why. But all I have to know is that I feel that extraordinary feeling that Chichi-ue described to me, and it is toward Sayuri-san. I close my eyes and lay my head against the wood of the wall behind me, where I sat and thought in the near-silence, contemplating her. So I will seek her, throw caution to the wind, and explore this…what I feel. If only saying it were as easy as my carrying out this decision!

I woke up later than everyone else, due to the late hour I went to sleep, and when I walked into the entrance room I observed the lack of Imoutou-chan admonishing me for being lazy and rude. My hair was in disarray, which earned me a comical grin from Chichi-ue sitting at the low table in the entrance room and finishing a bowl of steamed rice with eggs. Kagome stood close by, most likely chatting with Chichi-ue while she folded the sheets and Haha-ue shouted from the women's room after she closed a door. "I saw it on his lips with my own eyes, Miroku!"

She appeared in the doorway, hands on her hips, not noticing me standing across the room from her. "And we have your overly-amorous, hereditary nature to thank. Now our only son is going to be a womanizer!"

Kagome laughed discreetly and glanced at me. So the incident from last night still remained fresh in my mother's memory. I hung my head in embarrassment when Chichi-ue cleared his throat and Haha-ue looked at him as he pointed in my direction. "I assure you, my love, that our son made a clear mistake and is very virtuous; he simply made a short turn to temptation for a moment, but there is no mistake that he is indeed repenting for such discrepancies. And if you are not soothed by my words, ask him yourself."

Her wide eyes darted to me. I had no need to see her to know this. With Haha-ue, you are capable of _feeling _her stare, it is so effective. "Kohaku…"

Why did I have the thought of her apologizing when it was a fault on my part for retiring for the night at such a late hour and allowing my Haha-ue to see a rouge on my lips that could only have come from a woman? Yet, I felt so hurt upon discovering the disappointment she held of me. I had not the slightest desire to become something she would not be proud of.

Chichi-ue stood and walked toward me. "I, on the other hand, am very delighted our son has finally branched out his social circle. And accomplished so much so quickly." he flashed a kindly albeit mischievous grin and winked.

I hastened to veer the subject away from myself, Kagome titled her head and smiled at me in a sympathetic tone. This embarrassed me all the more. I had no time to delegate the subject, and blurted out, "Where is Imoutou-chan?"

"Kikyou? She took off into the village. Said something about getting fresh air." Kagome answered, thankfully.

"Ah." I said, and embarked in the opportunity for my escape. "I think I'll go and look for her!" Haha-ue did not interrupt, but I noticed when I looked fleetingly at Chichi-ue, his mouth was open and prepared to verbalize an unnecessary comment and I proceeded to exit the small hut without delay. What I heard after me was not a strange, uncomfortable comment, but a puzzling one.

"I trust that you will run into Sayuri-chan out there!"

Sayuri-san. The mention of her name caused the hairs on my head to stand on end. I wanted to further investigate the reason for such an outburst, but I was already outside and loathed to go back into the sad, little hut and the tables be turned against me in the presence of Haha-ue, Kagome and my Chichi-ue. While I stood outside the hut, ambivalent on what to do or where to go, for I had only used Imoutou-chan as my scapegoat, my mind became spontaneous and reminded myself of last night. I had whispered Sayuri-san's name for hours! Sure, it had been nighttime, but I should have been more careful! Any one of them could have been feigning sleep and listening to my words in the dark! And it is a possibility that Chichi-ue was the other soul holding my secret. My heart pulsed in fret, my hands shook with dread. At first, these bodily signals were in the face of Chichi-ue holding information I haven't even shared with Imoutou-chan, yet, the cause for my reactions unexpectedly shifted when I began to pace the ground where I was, then picked my head up and saw her at the Akashi bun open store, running errands perhaps.

My insides melted. Its her! It is Sayuri-san! My mind shouted. My breath caught and I actually smiled from the mere good fortune of seeing her; I could care less whether she saw me or not. Sayuri-san! I leaned to one side in order to see her better. She bent down to retrieve a roll of bread from a woven sack and squeezed it to test its softness. A tiny chuckle rose in my throat. She stood, handing it to the merchant--the girl was not there today, it looked like her father--her mouth moved slowly and she nodded while explaining what kind of bread she desired. The merchant obviously was well-acquainted with her and grinned a lot, rose a finger telling her to wait, then brought out a golden-brown loaf of bread. Sayuri-san smiled--Sayuri-san smiled! I finally saw her smile! I sighed at its genuine sincerity. Her eyes closed and her lips spread wide in delight. Her eyes opened an inch and the blue of her iris struck me, and she handed the merchant the okane, accepted the bread and more words were exchanged, her smiling all throughout their intermittent conversation. At last, she waved and walked in a direction which was further into the village.

I was filled with the desperate need to follow her, but I hesitated. I don't want to seem lecherous. I probably still lurked in her suspicions radar from the incident last night, and her catching me in the act of spying on her would definitely not bode well. I stood there staring at the ground and frowning. She was walking further into the village, and there were the odds that she wouldn't be able to see me amongst all the commotion, and if she did, then..then…I would just have to introduce myself and make her believe I am not a womanizer or a pervert or any other category she might have wondered about classifying me under! I swallowed, my throat dry, and pursued her.

The village women were everywhere, almost. I ignored their stares and looked over the crowds of people to locate Sayuri-san again. I am still unable to believe how these women were interested in me! Yes, I am aware that the other places where we rested, the women there were…odd, and admitted they were attracted to me, but there were only a few at those times, but in this village--it's the whole village! I found her. After my avoiding getting run over by an ox-cart and snaking through the clusters of people, I saw her ahead of me, moving as fluidly as if she were water. It looked like she floated in her own space, she was not a part of her surroundings, no, she wove in and out of the people so gracefully, while I collided with several men and tipped over a crate holding oranges. Watching her movements, unfettered by the turmoil around her, I felt like I was watching something magnificent and monumental. Why didn't anyone else notice the sing-song in her voice? The way she casually negotiated prices with charm and ease and forced the seller to conform to her smile? Her humming the theme to a play from long ago? She stopped at a stand selling fruits and looked over the harvest. A pear caught her interest and she spoke to the merchant, pointing to the fruit. The merchant waved a hand, supposedly giving her permission to try it. Sayuri-san licked her lips, an action that burned my ears, and bit down onto the pear. It was ripe and was fully saturated, and flooded over to seep out from the corner of her mouth, the juice sliding down to her chin. And she looks even more charming, chewing the pear and raising the hem of her kimono to wipe away the liquid like an innocent child, her eyes wide in delight and nodding along with the merchant. She ended up taking a dozen of the pears, then continuing on.

I remained in hot pursuit, yet not too close, and saw that she had stopped again, at a kimono shop. The garbs were astonishingly elegant, considering the poverty rampant in this village, and Sayuri-san seemed to be taken by all of them, her hands running over the fabrics in longing. Then, a sad expression passed over her face for the space of a second, one that crushed me, and not because she had revealed it, but because of the way she hastened to cover it with a false smile. And it appeared so genuine, but I could not forget the pain that settled onto her countenance before she quickly rid herself of it, for the sake of appearances. The lady selling the kimonos offered her one to try. Sayuri-san refused, then went on her way again.

She was leaving the village. I was confused by this, yet I continued to follow as she walked toward the woodland area, over the steep hill with its golden grass. She started to run, suddenly, and I was perplexed by this all the more. What was she running from? I picked up my pace to keep her in my sights. She ran directly into the woods, hitting low branches out of her way as she went, and as I ran after her, she cut a sharp corner and disappeared. Maybe she saw me from the corner of her eye? If that was the case, she was trying to escape me, and I was pursuing her, which didn't look well to anyone who happened to be observing this. But what if I'm wrong? I have to find out for sure! To be definite. So I cut the same corner and came to a small clearing where a polished boulder laid, and Sayuri-san, who held her head in her hands just seconds ago, sat up in alarm and looked at me.

What does one say when they run into the person they listened to bathing only a night ago? "Er, g-good afternoon." Is it the after noon already? I felt very awkward standing across from her, so vulnerable.

She cleared her throat and stood up. "Um, hello."

I had no idea what to say next. Of course, my mouth did the job for me. "I-I didn't follow you, well, I mean--I did follow you here, but not when you were in the village--what I mean to s-say is that I-I-I was already on my way to the, uh, here, where we are now, these woods, I was already here when I saw you running and-and I wanted to be sure n-nothing serious happened, so-so- I followed you here, which is why I am here."

Sayuri-san held her elbows in her hands, her arms crossed over her chest. "Thank you for your concern. I-I'm fine."

She lifted a languid hand and placed her fingers against her lips. I was enchanted by that simple action for some reason. I clenched my robes inside my fists and rocked back and forth from my heels to the balls of my feet in my waraji. "I'm Kohaku. I-I know your Oji-san…my family and I are-are staying in your house. Y-your great-uncle is a v-very generous man."

She avoided eye-contact with me. "I know…when I went back home from last night everyone was---haven't we already met?" Sayuri-san asked, her hand falling away from her face.

I stalled my answer for a while, not wanting to broach the subject. "Y-yes. I suppose. Er, uh, last night-last night…"

"You bumped into me at the lake." She rose her head and looked at the exact time I looked up and into her eyes. She spun around to turn her back to me, which left me dumb-founded. No one has ever done that to me before. I saw her head cocked to one side. "Y-you were coming from behind a tree after I was done--"

"I wasn't meant to be there at the time!!" I shouted, startling her.

I spoke to her back and found that it was much easier. "I wanted to go to the pond and--and your friend came, so-so I hid because she was anxious about meeting me, and I didn't want to meet anyone, so I hid and I was going to leave but you got undressed--" Her body twitched upon hearing this. "And I didn't want you to think I was-was peeping, so I waited until you were done and tried to get away, but then--"

"You bumped into me."

"Y-yes."

Sayuri-san spun around again, to face me, and her cheeks were splotched with a red color, especially her nose as if she were going to cry. With her nose with that unusual red stain on it, I felt an unsuppressed desire to embrace her. "Y-you saw me?" her voice shook uncontrollably.

The answer was clearly yes, but I foresaw the consequences of the truth and how much it would upset her. I resolved earlier that I had no desire to upset her. So I lied. "No."

She swallowed, and folded her arms, evidently in an unconscious attempt to protect her modesty and preserve her vulnerability. "Are you sure?" I nodded. "But you heard me…didn't you?"

"Heard you?" I played the fool, hoping she doubted her own recollections of the night. "I don't understand."

She squeezed her lips together. "You heard me sing, I know because, because before you left, you said…you said I had a nice voice."

"Oh. That. Well, I did…I'm sorry."

I took a glance at her to recognize how short she was…although, she would be since she is two years younger than me. She was shorter than Imoutou-chan, I figured that she would come to about my shoulder if we stood side by side, while Imoutou-chan stands up to my nose. Her hair was indeed brown, but had a fullness about it, shimmered in the sunlight, and stopped at her shoulder blade. Those light blue eyes remained downcast, and an ache in the pit of my stomach willed for her to at least look at me, if I was too cowardly to look at her!

"You're the one who Asuza-chan was talking about. You're the apprentice monk. Kohaku-san?" she inquired, warily.

The way she said my name…it sounded like the missing notes to a song. "Yes, yes I am…but I hope she doesn't lavish such attention on me. I don't like it much."

To this, she caught my sight with her iris, reading me perhaps. She blushed. I blushed. We found common ground, and she smiled but took care to drop her gaze when she did so.

"She-she said, you are the most gorgeous man in Nihon." she giggled. "What do you think about that?"

I enjoyed the release of the tension in her voice, and thought of taking a risk and stepping into her boundaries. My palms moistened. I made two complete steps and closed the distance between the two of us, if only by a few inches. She did not move away.

"I-I actually don't think she-or any of the women in this village-are being realistic." I mumbled, then remembered Imoutou-chan's theory. "Are there any youkai possessions with these women?"

I had been serious when I asked this, but Sayuri-san laughed. Hearing it made me want to throw myself into a river by accident or hit myself in the head with my own weapon, humiliate myself over and over if only to hear the laugh again. "They are all very normal humans, I think." Her expression became thoughtful. "How come you don't like all the attention?"

She finally asked the question I have been waiting for, and I was prepared, actually, elated to tell her. "B-because…I don't want to be the person th-those women go to in desperation, to feel loved when no one else loves-loves them, or be the catalyst in their tasteless acts to be recognized by someone of the opposite sex…I-I want to be a regular man but with his own special quality, of course. And-and I want to find someone who notices it, no matter how small it-it is and then, then I will know that they are that person I have been seeking all my life."

After pouring out my emotions to a woman I had just met, I felt an odd impression of a bond between Sayuri-san and I. She was the one I wanted to tell this to, the only one who knows now, and she responded in kind. "Wow. That's very profound." she said, softly.

"I think you'll find that person soon enough, considering--but Asuza-chan told me you were already betrothed to someone!"

"I only told that woman, Mieko-san, that…so she would-would leave me alone…" Sayuri-san giggled. "Well, I can see why she was so lavishly throwing herself upon you. You are very charming…"

She let down a layer of her guard by saying this, blushed, and spun around on me again. I decided to be the one who mustered the courage to step closer, for two bashful souls in one place leaves silence in shyness. "I-I think you are-are more charming than I can ever hope to be, Sayuri-san." Her arms moved rhythmically . She was kneading her fingers. "And your Oji-san said you're a strong woman. You carry so many burdens, but take it all in stride with a smile. I-I guess you can-can say I admire you."

Her breathing echoed around us. "My Oji told me all about you…you and your family and friends. Your journey." She strode over to the smooth boulder there and sat on it, her back still facing me. "All of you are so strong!"

I walked over to where she sat, but instead of sitting in the direction she was, I sat the opposite way, next to her, but my body faced the entrance to the clearing where I stood moments ago. She faced the numerous trees behind me. She smelled wonderful. Like lilies. And that isn't a casual statement either! Albeit clichéd, it is nonetheless true. My heart proceeded to seek freedom from my chest. Both of our breathing patterns were ragged, as if we had run across the world and back.

"Uh, you must already know about the past of my parents…"

"Mhm. They defeated the hanyou Naraku." She sounded very innocent. The manner in which she said, "Mhm." One would expect a child to say such a thing and in that tone of voice; soft and quiet.

"Yes. But, when they thought all their troubles had washed away, my Imoutou-chan and I were born."

"You have a sister?"

"Er, not exactly…she is my closest friend, the daughter of the comrades of my parents, and we grew up together, so..I address her as my younger sister."

"Oh."

"Yes. I was born first, and two years later, the day my Imoutou-chan was born, things went wrong. It is said that our fates were written by the gods when they dismissed one of their greatest lords. We have no idea why the gods would do such a thing, but our lives were determined by our fates on the days we were born. The lord they banished, his life is somehow linked to ours in a way. We think he made an attachment to us while we were still being created by the gods, to our souls, because he knew he would be banished from the kingdom soon. So, on the day I was born, he gained a soul form on the land of mortals. I am meant to represent his spirit, his chi. Then, on the day Imoutou-chan was born, he gained a bodily form and assumed life in this realm. She represents his force and strength, the body. Well, after Imoutou-chan was born, he knew he had to do away with us both."

"Why?" she asked, stricken, and I was surprised to know she was listening so intently.

"Because since he placed himself within our souls, we are somehow a part of him, and if he wants to reign in this kingdom of earth, he cannot have any links to him in any other mortal. He cannot hope to succeed in his plans while we still have life. And we cannot achieve peace while he roams the land of the living. It is all very complicated."

Sayuri-san shifted in her seat. She turned and looked into my eyes, our faces closer than I had expected. "So you are seeking him to destroy him?"

I nodded, unable to speak.

"What are his plans?"

"Who knows…" I rose my head to the sky above and shrugged. "He is evil and capable of many things. But we are all sure that all he wants is more and more power. And he will be able to realize this only if he eradicates my Imoutou-chan and I."

"Why didn't he do away with you both when you were infants?" she asked, angling her body more toward me. "Weren't you both helpless then? He had the perfect opportunity."

I grinned. "We had our parents. And they weren't going to allow anything to happen to us. Maburoshi was not strong enough to defeat them all, so he fled. Now he only sends servants to try and do away with us, and is in hiding trying to find the power to defeat us."

"Hm…" Without warning, she moved around the boulder in a half-circle and sat next to me the correct way, side by side and both of our bodies facing the same direction. My heart leapt in her presence. I felt the feeling. "It seems to me that you have more burdens than I do. You have to rid us all of this powerful fallen god and I have to run silly errands and cook and clean. I think you are more troubled than I."

I wanted to know more about her, and even though I might be stepping over a tight boundary, closing the emotional gap between us was far too tempting. "Your Oji-san feels sorry for the life you could have…the life you give up everyday to stay with him in his solitude. And you deal with it all so cheerfully. In the face of where you could be--who you could be with right now--"

She sniffled. I felt horrible to bring back such a terrible subject. Why can't I just keep my mouth closed? "My Oji-san has sacrificed so much for me…w-when my parents died, he took me in and cared for me. He fed me when there was not enough food for us both. H-he has given me too much for me to simply turn away for a more sensible life…I owe him my life."

"Happy birthday." I said, spontaneously.

"What?"

"Happy birthday," I repeated. "Kagome told me it is a phrase people in the West use. It is another way of saying, '_Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu_' it is your birthday, is it not? Happy birthday."

She was astonished. "Who told you I was born on this day?"

"Your Oji-san. He says you should go to the festival in celebration of it."

I watched her tilt her head and the sadness show through her façade. "Oh. The festival of Moving Water. Do you know of it?" I shook my head. "Well, it is the festival we have in order to pay tribute to the inordinate amount of water our village is graced with. We get most of our food from the great river and bathe in the fresh water of the pond in these woods."

Her words became lower when mentioning the pond and bathing. "But I can't go. I have too much to do, and-and everyone who has asked me to attend, well, I already assured them I wasn't going, so I can't go alone and--"

"If you want, well, I-I can escort you…" Sweat fell from my brow and slithered along my temple. Sayuri-san observed the rivulet then shifted to stare into my eyes. We both ignored our blush, and were content to envelop ourselves in each other's gaze. I want to drown in them, those pools of beauty, suffuse myself in her innocence, in her sorrows. "…Sayuri-chan." I whispered, my mouth and throat dry. Then I had the thought of what it would feel like to kiss her, to feel her soft, tender lips against mine, have her sing that lullaby while I kissed her…and to hold her in my arms. To keep her safe. I've never had thoughts like these before…

"Why are you doing this, Kohaku-san?" she whispered back, her voice piercing my soul.

"Because you are not ordinary." I replied. What I meant by that, I didn't even know. I still have no idea. The words basically left me, like I had been practicing them all along. "Because when I look at you, Sayuri-chan, I see something I can't describe. Will you go to the festival with me?"

She looked fallen--taken--and nodded. "Yes, Kohaku-san. I will, but…I still don't understand why."

"Its okay. You don't have to."

The day is sweeter now, the air is crisper in my lungs, the sun brighter. I had finally confronted my disorders, I faced my feelings and now, Sayuri-chan and I are going to the festival as a couple. Wait. Not as a couple, really…more of a pair. Yes. A pair of two members of the opposite sex going to a festival together. Nothing more and nothing less. I think. Maybe it is more…I hope it is more…well, something within me does. And I am giving her the chance to enjoy herself, something she probably hasn't done in years, and celebrate her birthday with her. With Sayuri-chan. The woman who holds my what if. I mean, she holds a part of my feelings, I suppose. My chest is filled with so much good fortune and happiness! I've never felt this way before! It feels good. Sayuri-chan. She is truly special and I want to discover her so much, with a yearning that scares me at times. Perhaps I am rushing to fast into things…or not fast enough. What if one of these crazy village women try to blackmail me in a compromising situation that Sayuri-chan happens to walk in on? What might she say? What would she think? Aargh. Too many thoughts. I should just believe in her. In her judgment. If something like that does happen, though, I might lose my chance to know her personally. Not, not that personally! As in…sexual intercourse! B-but as a person. As Sayuri-chan. I should stop analyzing things so much. Chichi-ue says I am like Haha-ue. I think too much about a thing. I am ambivalent. I am rational rather than impulsive.

"Kohaku!"

"Yes, Haha-ue?" I answered, breaking my trance while watching Sayuri-chan place a new sheet on the floor. She furrowed her brow and blushed from across the room.

"Inuyasha asked you a question. Don't be so rude." she admonished.

We stood huddled together in one corner of the room so Sayuri-chan would have space to set down the slip of fabric. Inuyasha grunted. "Hmph! He's too busy mating with that girl with his eyes to pay attention to anything anybody's saying!"

Sayuri-chan blushed and the heat shot to my face. Inuyasha can be unnecessarily blunt at times. "Uh, uh, I-I-I'm not--"

"Hey, listen kid, I don't give a damn whether you're a virgin or not cause of this girl. All I wanna know is where the hell my daughter is, alright?? And she's always hangin' around you, so you should be able to answer my question!"

Our group needed to diverge, as Sayuri-chan signaled with her hands, and I went off with Inuyasha and Haha-ue to one corner of the room and Chichi-ue and Kagome went to the other; Sayuri-chan awkwardly smoothed out the sheet as our conversation ranged in earshot of her. "I haven't seen her all day, Inuyasha-sensei." I replied formally, hoping he wouldn't degrade her or I any further.

I was horribly wrong. "Whaddya mean ya haven't seen her all day?!? All the two of you do is hang around each other, you've done it since you were kids, and now that you've found yourself a little mate you can't tear yourself away from ogling her chest for one second to look around for the girl you call your '_Imoutou-chan_'?"

I happened to be perspiring greatly, when all of a sudden, Sayuri-chan came forward. "Excuse me, Inuyasha-sama…Kohaku-san insisted to me that Kikyou-san sometimes needs her own space, and though I objected that he should go and look after her, he told me in confidence that she does not appreciate being treated as a child and can take care of herself efficiently. And contrary to what you believe, Inuyasha-sama, Ko-Kohaku-s-san has not once ogled m-my chest. He is a very virtuous young monk."

Hearing her timid voice reasoning with the boldest and brashest one in the east was unusual, but I admired the strength in her stance, leveled by a dose of uncertainty, and the resonating calm in her speech. She was defending me. My Chichi-ue broke the silence. "Ahem. Kohaku, you have such an admirable woman. So much frailty, yet so much spirit…and beauty beyond all expectations. Take care not to lose her." My cheeks burned. She hurried to walk away without another word. I have…a woman? Is she mine? In my heart it feels so…but we've only known each other for two days, one if you count from a formal introduction. Inuyasha folded his arms.

"Well, if you're too much of a woman yourself to have a woman fight your battles for you, I'd prefer if you didn't hang around my kid at all. Maybe she does need some time away from you, anyway." he grumbled. Kagome stroked his arm and sighed. "I'm sure she's just fine. You know how she is."

"Whatever." Inuyasha barked, exiting the hut after Kagome.

I stood and glanced at Sayuri-chan biting her bottom lip in contemplation. Then I remembered my parents watching me in earnest. Haha-ue was going to say something, but Chichi-ue halted her by reaching behind her and…well, I don't like to think about what he did next, even though I have a perfectly clear notion as to what it was. He whispered in her ear, not discreetly, I might add, and she turned to look in his eyes. They have a peculiar way of communicating using just their ocular instruments, and it has always fascinated me, how strong their bond is that they wouldn't even need words if they were to go mute or deaf one day.

Haha-ue looked at me in a frighteningly maternal way, as if she were craving for me to run and embrace her or be the small child she held in her arms so many years ago. "Your father and I are going to look for supplies. We start searching again tomorrow, you know." she said.

"Okay, then." Chichi-ue tried to lead her out of the hut without making it too obvious, but she made it very difficult. "I suppose you're staying here then. The both of you. Sayuri-chan. Kohaku. We'll be right back so…if you plan on doing anything that might take a long time to complete, we'll probably barge in on you two, so--just letting you kno--"

At last, Chichi-ue had managed to get her to leave, and in spite of the discomfited air left behind by all of them, I walked over to Sayuri-chan at the opposite end of the room. She immediately turned and looked up at me, fretfully. "I don't have a kimono."

I grinned and felt one side of my mouth go up higher than the other. "What? Are you naked again?" I laughed.

Her eyes widened and she became very flustered. That happened to be the worst joke in the history of hilarity. I am known to make inappropriate jokes for no reason. My Haha-ue says I inherited the spontaneous humor from Chichi-ue but lacked his disturbing finesse. Of course, I told her I hadn't seen her undress, which was a lie, and that comment had most likely made her doubt my sincerity. Even so, she spared me the humiliation and went back to the subject at hand. "I meant an elegant one. To wear to the festival…I'm so sorry, Kohaku-san, but I didn't plan on going, so I didn't save any money to buy one…"

"Oh. You don't have to worry about that, Sayuri-chan!" I was filled with a sense of significance as I said this. After our long conversation in the wilderness and her acceptance of my proposal, I quickly went off to the marketplace in good spirits and went to the kimono stand. The merchant was still there; and old woman with her wiry gray hair pulled into a tight bun. I excused myself and she blushed, frightening me. She did not hesitate to tell me how handsome I was, but I interrupted her by asking about the time Sayuri-chan was there and the kimono she looked at with such yearning. The old woman was a gossip, for she asked so many questions about how long I had known her and what she was to me, but in the end said that she had not looked at one kimono; she stared with a longing gaze at three different ones. I could care less, if it made her happy, so I liquidated my entire savings that I had been building up since the age of five and bought them so she could have the convenience of picking and choosing, although it was quite strange that such a village which appeared to be rampant in poverty could have kimonos that cost so much…

I retreated to the men's room and slid open the door to the closet. There they were, wrapped in that special paper, and I smiled as I entered the entrance room and handed them to her. "I have that taken care of." She frowned and took them, not understanding. "I bought all the ones you looked at…because I wasn't sure which one you liked best, and you could have a wide selection…" When she saw them folded neatly and stacked one on top of the other she gasped.

"Kohaku-san…I can't--"

"I bought them for you, Sayuri-chan. Today is your day and you should look the way you feel." I looked into her eyes with a seriousness that compelled her. "Choose whichever one you like."

She smiled and smoothed a hand over the silk. "I-I really like the…the white one."

"I think it will be perfect." I offered. "Do you have any things you have to do…to get ready for tonight?"

"Well…" She raised her forefinger to her cheek. "It is tradition for the women to bathe in the river that gives us food and water…and cleanse my body of all impurities, then I can dress, and it is also tradition that you and I meet at my home, then we go to the location of the festival together."

Truly, I sensed no tainted virtue within her, so I was confused that she would go through the trouble of purifying what was already pure, but I acquiesced with her village's tradition. If that made her feel a part of everything when before she longed to be included, I bent over backward to make sure she received what she desired.

I still imparted this information to her, nonetheless. "Really? I-I don't think you need to cleanse yourself…your aura holds no impurities whatsoever."

Sayuri-chan. She smiled most peculiarly. "I should begin preparations now…When the sun sets, you can meet me here."

"But what will I do?"

Her head drooped at an angle. "Hmm. The men needn't do much, or anything really. In this village they simply come together in small groups and converse about the occasion and who they will be escorting. The elder men set up the decorations."

"Oh." I knew no one here, and did not have enough courage left to be in a social setting where I was completely unknown, so I ruled that out from my options. Then, I glimpsed the white kimono peeking out among the others she held against her chest in that wrapping paper and had the greatest idea. But, Sayuri-chan had no clue as to what I thought about, and she made conclusions of her own as my eyes were in perfect alignment with her chest.

"Kohaku-san…?" she ventured, her tone unsure.

"I-I'm sorry!" I replied, which only gave evidence to her assumptions. "I-I mean…I wasn't, ogling you or anything lewd. I was looking at your kimono."

She was wary. "Ok…thank you for these by the way. You really didn't have to."

"I wanted to." I managed to make her eyes dash away from my face and to a corner of the house where it appeared to be very fuzzy and unnatural. "I should leave you to your duties. I'll be back as soon as the sun sets."

Her head moved slowly up and down. I smiled and strode away from her to the door, which I found hard to do for some reason. She looked so touching there, the kimono held in her arms, short and bashful. Beautiful. I almost wanted to stand there forever, just watching her, from a distance, intangible. Not of this world. Not mine. Not anyone's.

The sun had only just come over the horizon and I was left with an extravagant amount of time until it disappeared in the distance, but I already had an assignment to occupy my free time, and that was my search for a bed of lilies within the woodland area of the village. I entered the underbrush of that sanctuary Sayuri-chan--according to my observations--sought as the place where she escaped from the din of her everyday life. A chill permeated my bones from the cold winter air, and I could see my breath condensed before me, floating in the air then dissipating. My robes weren't thermal, they were very loose in fact, and as I held my arms for warmth, shivers traveled over me in small, little earthquakes. The morning air was extremely cold. I wouldn't be surprised if it started snowing soon.

No one else dared to go out in the woods where I trekked in earnest, peering at every single flower that survived the harsh weather in the hopes the one I was looking for would reach me in good fortune. Most of them were dead, but I believed in the lilies, for they are the favorite flower of my Haha-ue and she assured me they were strong in nature's misfortunes. Its pure white petals would match Sayuri-chan's kimono just right, and in my mind the vision of it tucked gently behind her ear on the backdrop of her hair as she smiled was so enticing I didn't care about the numbness of my toes exposed to the cold. Damn the waraji I am forced to wear! But if I could do at least one more thing to make the day of her birth perfect, I supposed it would be to enhance her flawlessness so that she would be able to shine among the other women in the festival. A simple thing that she would immediately make rare and priceless.

Ah! I found it, far off and growing at the base of a tall tree that looked naked without its leaves. I admired it for a while, the only one, managing to get through all the harshness of winter and I was slightly broken-hearted to have to cut its life short after all its trouble and its miraculous survival up until this point. But things had to be done, so I clapped my hands together in prayer and thanks for the blessing and asked for forgiveness in taking the life of this small plant. Having done this I bent down and held the delicate stem between my two fingers and pulled it with care. It broke at the slightest bit of strength I put into plucking it, and I smiled at the way Sayuri-chan would look with it adorning her. Or the modesty she would show by telling me over and over that I didn't have to go through such trouble to get it.

Holding the flower in my fingers, I stood and wondered where Imoutou-chan was. Amazing it is, how things have changed for us so suddenly. Only days before I followed her because that is the way its always been, and she went after me in that order, even though she would never admit she does. Now, I am able to be away from her and it does not bother me that she is not by my side, or I by hers. Perhaps it is because I would much rather seeing Sayuri-chan there beside me. Not saying that she has replaced Imoutou-chan; I just see them in different ways. Imoutou-chan I see as…well, my imoutou-chan. Sayuri-chan I see as…a woman, I guess. A woman that makes me feel differently from the way Imoutou-chan does. Imoutou-chan makes me feel needed, significant and at home. Sayuri-chan makes me feel a spectacular mix of emotions…she causes my heart to beat irregularly when nothing is wrong, my palms to obtain a dew for no reason, my chest to swell with her song and burst forth in wonder of her magnificence. Of course, considering such a description, anyone could see that Imoutou-chan and Sayuri-chan are two different entities in my heart.

I can't explain the feelings I have toward Sayuri-chan yet. Am I infatuated with her? It feels strange to admit it, to say it outright in my thoughts, or to recognize it. She is so special! So ephemeral! How can anyone not be infatuated with her? One can think that the both of us feel the same way, the frequent blush on her cheeks and the involuntary smiles she lets break free; we're both too shy to admit it I suppose. So, what can I call this, what we are doing? Circling around each other, afraid to brush together, caution to touch--as a moth hovers over the bright flame of a candle at night.

"Oi! Kohaku!" Once again, I am interrupted while deep in thought, but as I searched for the culprit, I saw a rust-colored ball of fur floating in the distance astride the illusion of a small horse of some kind; it soared at a rapid speed coming toward me, Shippou's laughter filling my ears…and in a split second his face was one inch from mine. I didn't flinch during this nerve-rattling act; Shippou has a habit of being as care-free as possible in times of rest. "Shippou…" I mumbled from the lack of space for a breath between us. "At least now I have your company to pass the time."

He relented and in a puff of smoke the false horse disappeared from underneath him and he landed on the ground below me. Even though Shippou is decades or maybe centuries older than I, it is confusing that he only comes up to my knee. He practically raised me, and Imoutou-chan as well and still he looks like a child compared to us. A fur-lined vest over his kimono was all he had covering himself before; after he vanquished the toy horse he rode on I was amazed that he was able to create a small robe to drape around himself. While I stood hugging myself to merely keep the warmth in my body from draining away with the breeze. "What the heck are you doing out here?" he said, glancing at the flower clenched between my frozen fingers. I don't think I would have been able to let it go if I wanted to.

Does he still not notice me shivering uncontrollably? "Oh, I thought about enjoying this good weather we are grateful to have." I replied.

Shippou grinned mischievously. "Miroku said you and Sayuri-chan are going to the festival tonight. Is that flower for her? Well, I guess she's your woman then, huh? You're a regular Miroku the second huh?"

"No--she isn't, I'm not-"

"The legacy of the great womanizer Miroku-houshi-sama continues! Bwahaha!" Shippou cackled, throwing his hands that were no larger than a mochi up to the sky in exaggeration. He is known to add drama to non-dramatic things to add excitement to everyday things.

He looked at me as if he just noticed I was standing there. "Sango told me to give you something if you acted foolish and went out here in that." I shifted a shoulder, and this surprised me because I thought I was as stiff as the trees around us. "You don't look too good."

"R-really? I-I-I d-didn't notice…" I stuttered.

"Guess I'm not done baby-sitting the both of you yet." he said, reaching into his pocket and throwing an acorn into the air. It made a loud popping sound and smoke surrounded it. When the dust settled, a light blue haori with mediocre patterns stitched upon its surface and made of a thick wool settled onto me. "Inuyasha's going crazy because he can't even keep an eye on his own kid, but I know where she is…" he placed a hand on his chin. "…and judging from the way she's making connections, I'd say she's adapting to this village just fine."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, shoving my arms into the short sleeves of the haori.

"That's none of your business. I don't go running to Kikyou and telling her how you're buying expensive kimonos for some girl and picking flowers for her." Shippou blew into the air and watched the vapors floating in front of him. "All you need to concentrate on is your new woman. Kikyou's handling herself…or letting someone else handle her; whatever it is."

He gave me a sideways glance. "Why should you care so much anyway? Ya know, she's getting to be pretty mature--despite the numbskull's blood she's got runnin' through her. Ya don't really need to keep tabs on her. She's not bothering to keep tabs on you."

This was true. I was befuddled to know that she formed a companionship with someone as I had, and so early. So quickly. Which is uncommon for her; Imoutou-chan is not a very sociable person because she is never given a chance, but to have the knowledge that she was preoccupied with one of the villagers…made me curious. Anyone would be! It shouldn't come as a surprise!

"To mellow out your obvious confusion, it isn't a female she's started talking to."

Something within me rekindled and my head snapped down at Shippou's smirk and his head moving from side to side. "She's been…speaking to a man?"

"Yup. Uh-huh."

"One of the villagers?"

He thought for a moment and continued to shake his head. "Nope. He looked like a drifter. Strong one. Tall…" To illustrate these descriptions he acted them out with his own body. To emphasize hieght, he stood on his toes and reached up with his arms above his head. "Ladies' man type smile…" He proceeded to attempt a sly grin. I was amused at how he achieved the sparkle on his teeth. "Handsome," he placed both his fists on his waist and puffed up his chest. "with black, messy hair that looks perfect either way and really, really dark eyes." Finishing the charade, he titled his head to me. "Tall, dark and handsome. Basically every sappy romantic girl's dream."

"Every lovesick woman's dream? Then what could Imoutou-chan possibly want from him?" I asked, dumbfounded. Absentmindedly, I tucked the flower inside my robe as neatly as possible and folded my arms.

"Even if she sure doesn't act like one, Kikyou's still very much a girl. And as much as she'll try to fight it off and act tough, she can make a solid exterior but she'll still melt on the inside for guys like that. Unconsciously, you know? It's just the way girls are. Don't you know anything?" Shippou sighed, closing his eyes. "She's drooling over him and just doesn't wanna admit it."

Imoutou-chan? Drooling over a complete stranger? I wanted to believe him…well, not entirely. But I truly did. I know her far too well to think of her groveling over a wanderer whose good looks and cocky smile get the best of him. Not that I'm assuming anything, yet based on Shippou's interpretations, I could suspect this much. Wait. I have changed. A lot has changed. It's been a day since I've even see her. A complete day. Who can say with confidence that she hasn't changed as well? That she hasn't found her way without my help; that she hasn't found an interest in someone like I have? No…it isn't possible. Not Imoutou-chan. I know her enough.

"So, what about Sayuri-chan?" Shippou snickered. I blinked.

"What do you mean?" I despised the blush that betrayed my shaking voice. The mere mention of her name brought chills to my arms! Or maybe it was the cold…

"You like her." He threw his pale green eyes with a mischievous glint upon me. "You like her a lot. Don'tchya?"

I was about to answer him when I noticed that it was darker around us. The sun had all but disappeared into the horizon and the skies were awash with scarlet, orange and golden hues. Afternoon. Dusk. Already? I've only been talking to Shippou for a few minutes! --I think…Wait! Sayuri-chan! I looked to him and the amusement on his face. If the flower and my simple inadequacy hadn't given me away, then surely the rapid change of my expressions so quickly dropped a significant hint.

"Thinkin' of Sayuri-chan aren't you? You're gonna be late. She's probably been waiting forever!"

Panic set into my body when he said that. I pictured my…I mean, Sayuri-chan…waiting for me at her doorstep, watching the other ladies and young women walk past on their way to the festival in beautiful kimono and with their escorts proudly showing off, her broken smile, that fake smile that hid the intense dissapointment underneath as she deduced I just lost interest in her, as any male would…I can't even bare to think about it! Taking one last anxiety-ridden look at Shippou's devious smirk, I dashed from him at breakneck speed, out of the woods and toward the village. The sun's going down had a curious effect on the weather, as I found it slightly warmer as I ran, past the crowds of people dressed in their finest clothing, and considering the scarcity of the area I can believe by what I saw that Sayuri-chan would be the center of attention with her ensemble.

Oh, how relieved I was to not see her as I did in my vision, painfully doubting my arrival as she sat at her stoop, and before I had time to think of my actions--she could have been getting ready and in a state of undress, for Buddha's sake!--I burst into the hut sweating and panting.

Kagome, Haha-ue and Sayuri-chan all were present in the entrance room and jumped at my appearance. Sayuri-chan sat on a cushion which protected her knees from the wooden floor that might as well have been green than brown; Kagome stood behind her and held her gathered hair up to the nape of her neck. Two elegant kanzashi protruded from Kagome's teeth clenched upon them; one was stuck in Sayuri-chan's hair, and Haha-ue was stationed next to Kagome, holding more hairpins that were all different colors. They all looked bewildered and startled by me standing there and an awkward moment of silence passed until Haha-ue graciously broke the ice.

"What's happened to you?" she asked, eyes wide.

I gulped a considerate amount of air. "Er--I thought Sayuri-chan was already prepared and I was late on Shippou's behalf."

Kagome smiled warmly, which looked odd with two kanzashi sticking out from between her lips, like antennae on a bug. "Well, she's just getting her hair done now…We couldn't decide on what style, so we're running a little late." her voice sounded more odd than the way she looked, because her speech was impaired by the kanzashi.

"Oh." I said, and stole a glance at Sayuri-chan while Haha-ue and Kagome weren't paying attention. Because they stood so close to her, they blocked a full view of her and I was only able to see her face. She returned it and shyed away, and her reaction caused my stomach to burn within. "I shouldn't be here now, while she still isn't ready…"

When I looked away from Sayuri-chan, I was met with Kagome's empathetic smile. She had seen the exchange between us.

"There's no need for you to go, Kohaku. Once she's done with her hair we'll just go in the next room and deliver the finishing touches." Haha-ue said.

"But-" I stuttered. My eyes shot toward Sayuri-chan again, and the sight of her exposed neck caused my breathing to shorten. How could they allow me to be here while she was practically bare?

"There. I think that looks alright." Kagome exhaled. Stepping back, she suddenly blurted out, "Oh, that's right! Kohaku can't see you yet, it'll ruin the surprise!" And with that, she blocked my view by moving in front of Sayuri-chan, then whispered to Haha-ue. I felt out of place in a room full of whispering women and was thankful when Kagome and Haha-ue moved toward the door of the next room, bunched together to prevent me from seeing Sayuri-chan completely.

"She'll be out in just a second!" Kagome called over her shoulder as the three of them left into the women's room.

Now, as I stand alone, I can feel the intensity of my nervousness. The increasing anticipation of her unveiled beauty is so great that I can barely contain myself! And then, to escort her to the festival. To stand beside her as her escort, and be seen as a couple. To the festival of course! Not couple as in _couple_…yet it seems to be just the same, right? I want her to be…what? What exactly is it that I want her to be? With me? I have to sigh to think of it. Why does it have to be so confusing?? On so many occassions, I daydream of holding her. Embracing her. And it feels wonderful in my fantasies, but to think about acting upon it in real life…I hesitate. Damn it all. I am a man! Men should be indifferent to such things! It should come natural to us! Sometimes I wish I could have inherited Chichi-ue's suave demeanor. Then the ability to exact those desires would come natural to me as well, and I wouldn't have a care in the world. My thoughts switch back to my conversation with Shippou earlier and his description of the man Imoutou-chan has found interest in. I bet he is easy-going, smooth-talking and suave. Why does Imoutou-chan even find him attractive at all?

"Okay! Here she comes!" Hearing Kagome's voice disturbs me from further condemning her daughter and the panic returns…I can't say that I've missed it in its absence. I get sick to the point of almost vomiting from how long its taking her to come before me. Damn the anticipation, damn my moist palms, damn my overzealous heart! And as I continued to denounce myself in every possible aspect, the one who I admire for their flawlessness appears and even the angry voice in my head hushes at her presence. Anyone would, she looked amazing.

A celestial glow emanated off of her very being; the pure ivory hue of the kimono draped around her caused her whole body to look like a cloud, unreachable, elusive and captivating. Its slight resemblance to a furisode struck me and the pressure of this night seized my heart. Her eyes were compelling. Instead of the soft blue I frequently saw, sapphires alighted her iris and seized my breath, inundating me completely where I stood, feeling like a peasant in the same room with her and dressed in the old, worn unflattering robes I wore. The scene depicted on the hem was just as impeccable, as it featured the tail feathers of a snow white nightingale--which cannot be seen in reality of course--traveling up the maemigoro area where her thigh and hip are located, where the wings with light blue trimmings spread halfway, as if in preparation for flight, showered with--lilies!--falling from a nonexistent sky, and finally, at the breast, the torso of the bird twisted at an angle led up to its head at her right shoulder turned to one side, like it was bowing; demure and benign. As my eyes traversed upward from this scene and was met with hers and the softness of her rich skin tone, a searing blush settled on her cheeks, a diminutive smile broke free and her head lowered as the nightingale's. I wondered why when I looked distractedly to Haha-ue emerging from behind Kagome, who raised an eyebrow and patted her lips with one finger. I didn't understand this at first but then I took it as a disreet message regarding me, and I just realized that my mouth had been hanging embarrassingly open the entire time and when I closed it, my tongue was completely dry.

"So? How does she look?" Kagome asked artlessly, bringing her fist up to her mouth in an attempt to hide her grin.

I was wordless. How could anyone describe this? Her? Astonishing, brilliant, immaculate, breathtaking, more beautiful than life itself….I swallowed. My throat was dry as well. "B-Beautiful…" I said, and my voice was hoarse.

Sayuri-chan lifted her head to me at this, and her eyes seemed to allow me to see into her soul; the same look Imoutou-chan gave me when I told her she was beautiful months ago. Her eyebrows were titled as if she were going to cry, but instead her lips parted only slightly, as if to say something genuine, yet she was interrupted by Kagome's outburst.

"Oh, the both of you look so good together! Kohaku and Sayuri. And she looks so pretty! This will probably be a night the both of you remember for the rest of your lives!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands together. She then glanced out of the only window in the hut. "Okay, Kohaku…now that you've gotten a good look at her, the both of you should get going before it gets late!"

I nodded and saw Haha-ue sigh. She looked concerned and strenuous, but the only thing she did was mouth the words 'be careful' to me. Be careful? Of what? But before I could ask her what she meant, Kagome started to push Sayuri-chan and I out of the doorway. "Let's go, you two! Get a move on, you don't want to miss everything!" And like that, we were shoved out onto the village sideway and into the cold.

Waves of couples poured from their houses, as in my vision where Sayuri-chan waited disenchanted with my late arrival, but she stood beside me, silent as she observed the men and women passing by us, some-well, most of them-outright staring at us, then whispering to others and soon everyone who passed by looked at us in amazement. I recognized Sayuri-chan's friend Asuza-san among them, her arm linked with a man. She spotted us and glanced wide-eyed at Sayuri-chan, who looked sheepishly back at her. Asuza-san glared in return and continued to walk along with the others, to our right and toward the well-lit area in the center of the village entrance. I looked down at Sayuri-chan at my left. "Should we go now?"

She kept a hundred-yard stare straight ahead of her. Her hair sitting atop her head bothered me for some reason, partly because of her bare neck open to my less-than-virtuous gaze, and then how much more stunning she would look with her full, shiny brown hair down and contrasting the white of her kimono. I wish it weren't so frowned upon for a woman to do such a thing! "Yes. I think its starting now. And the sun is almost down."

She was correct. The heavens were now dense with scarlets and crimsons mingled with pale yellows, like it was bleeding, but cheerfully, and this was only because the flames that the villagers had set on torches added this effect to the skies. I stepped into the wave first and she followed, her steps sure and precise. Everyone around us spread in different directions to give us an ample amount of room, and I felt strange because of this, being the center of attention in a group of people I don't know. Sayuri-chan was just as uncomfortable, I guess, judging by the uneasiness which she clearly conveyed on her brow when the stares of the other couples became all the more obvious. Whispers floated around our heads while we walked and I saw her look up at the sky in frustration; she could take no more of it and neither could I, so I carefully placed my hand at the small of her back…meanwhile my heart responds to this as does she…her head whipped around to me but I kept my eyes ahead and moved her forward through the crowd at a faster pace, if only to get away from all the gossip nonsense. We gained considerable speed as I excused my way past the astonished faces of women and I thought we would emerge to our destination unscathed when Sayuri-chan was suddenly snatched from me.

I heard her yelp, and my body tensed--a demon! Maburoshi! But instead it was something else equally as troubling.

"Asuza-chan!" Sayuri-chan gasped, her arm held tight by the red-haired girl.

I watched from the corner of my eye as she leaned close to Sayuri-chan and I heard her whisper loud because there was so much commotion that she couldn't have whispered even if she wanted to. "I can't believe you, Sayuri-chan! I ask you to introduce me to the houshi and you go and show up with him to the festival?!"

"Asuza-chan…" Sayuri-chan replied, hurt. How compassionate she is! "I didn't mean to…it just turned out this way. I didn't mean for it to happen, in fact, I wasn't even going to come if it weren't for Kohaku-san inviting me."

At the mention of my name I tried to walk along as if I hadn't heard a thing in case Asuza-chan decided to turn her attentions on me, yet I failed miserably.

"So, your name is Kohaku-san..?" the girl slyly drawled, sidling up next to me.

"You must be Asuza-chan's escort…I'm Sayuri, its nice to meet you." Sayuri-chan stated at the man who glared in my direction then looked quizzically at Sayuri-chan.

"Why, y-yes it is.." I said. Why won't she just leave me be? All I want is to be with Sayuri-chan! At the festival that is! Not for eternity, of course!

"Of course it is. You're every bit as handsome as the rumors say you are. And don't be modest and say you're not…"

As I tried to drown out the advances of the best friend of the woman I am escorting, I was filled with the urge to jump up and shout at the sight of the festival lights ahead. Finally! The crowd we were all traveling in branched out like a funnel, couples went in separate directions, enchanted and excited all at once by the hanging paper lamps illuminating the area along with the torches placed at different sections of the area, multiple game stands were set up everywhere, their owners coaxing women along and boasting that even the fastest man in Edo wouldn't be able to catch the koi fish that swam at the bottom of a wooden box in one try. An instrumental group stood by playing old traditional tunes that added to the ambience of the night. I wanted to tell Sayuri-chan how amazing it all looked, how she ever thought of missing such a fun event. I glanced to my left--gone? Sayuri-chan had all but vanished.

Asuza-san… She isn't going to ruin this night for her. It is the day of Sayuri-chan's birth, her day, her night to be seen as someone worthy in the eyes of others. And I will not allow anyone to take the spotlight away from someone who deserves the world and more. So I searched through the crowd that came from the inner streets of the village where I had lost her in the sea of people, since she couldn't have gone far. I spotted her next to a sweet radish stand with Asuza-san chatting her up incessantly. At first, I was eager to march up to her and begin our night together, a night I have waited so long for, but I rethought my actions. My curiosity peaked. What does she say about me when speaking to her friends? I wanted to know how she felt and I could only do so while she was uninhibited and conversing with someone familiar to her.

I ducked behind a group of four friends laughing at the koi swimming around in the crates and stealthily moved on the other side of the radish stand, perfectly concealed.

I came in the middle of their conversation. "…thought you said you would! But why did I rely on you? Now I'm stuck with the most boring man here." Asuza-san sounded terse.

"I'm sorry, Suza-chan…I didn't mean for it to happen this way, it just did. He offered to take me. And I accepted. What was I supposed to do? Outright reject him?" Sayuri-chan said. "And Yasunari-san isn't boring…he's just…reflective."

A brief silence passed. "So…" I heard Asuza-san inquire over the noise of the festival activities. "You might as well tell me what he's like."

"Un…he's very complex. But modest…and profound. He's good with-with words…"

My heart tumbled at this. She thought I was good with words!? While Imoutou-chan complains how tongue-tied I am.

"Isn't he attractive?" Asuza-san gestured.

"Y-yes…" I barely heard Sayuri-chan answer after another small silence. My ears burned. "B-but he's troubled…he's not in a position to be very carefree. If you look in his eyes….there's so much sadness. Its almost frightening. Such a broken…it-its hard to explain."

I could tell from the tone of her voice that she wished to change the subject. I wished for her to change it also. What does she mean by that? Sadness in my eyes? I looked down at the ground.

Asuza-san cared little for this. "I don't know what you're talking about anyway. What does he say to you? What does he do?"

"I-I don't know…he speaks to me like any other person. He-he hasn't tried to be flirtatious…or anything. He's…nice. I think I can trust him. The things he says, the way his voice sounds, the way he uses his eyes and is hesitant…it can make someone feel like he is a comfort or a sanctuary despite his own tragedy." Sayuri-chan's words made me experience a pang of overwhelming emotion. I wanted to appear from behind the stand and embrace her and shower her with all that I am unable to say. She is so insightful and…I can barely describe her!

An agony in my chest; my heart, the desire to open it to her is so fierce, and still I am hesitant. Should I be so careless with it? Allowing a woman I have only just met such easy access to it? I am lost. I have no idea what to do. Life should be easier than this. There should be a manual or scroll that lets one who refers to it know what to do in situations like this, how to handle the heart. Yes, it should be called, "The Care and Maintenance of the Mortal Heart". Maybe one day an old man on his deathbed will write it, after his own trials and tribulations, so that he might be able to stop another young man from making the same mistakes. Perhaps, if there is no one by the time I am seventy winters, I will pursue that goal. But for the moment, there is no such thing and there is only reason. Still, I can't figure out what reason I should take as my own!

Tonight. I hear her voice on the other side of the stand, and I have the strangest feeling that I must reach her and this crude wooden barrier separates us. The longing to touch her surfaces and I am unable to. It torments me. I need to hold her. So where is reason now? I always use it, turn to it when I think there's no other way. But tonight, can't just one night be dedicated to forgetting reason? I remember Chichi-ue once told me to never forget to live in the moment, no matter what position you are in in life or what you think. Because they come so scarcely in time, in such side intervals that one has to sieze it when they see the opportunity. You can't ever forget to live. Tonight, I believe is my moment. It is our moment. Simply tonight.

I'll throw caution to the wind and live. Explore. Find it. Find what I've been searching for all this time. A reason to forget reason.

The strings of the koto strum a tune I discover to be awfully familiar. Coupled by the refrain of a flute, I know the song. Before we began our search for Maburoshi, when we all still resided in our respective villages, on special nights when the moon showed her full face Haha-ue would bring me out from bed and into the field while everyone slept. Then she would wake Chichi-ue and have him bring out a koto and strum a song she called, "Fate of Young Souls" and she said that it was based on a tale of a couple that is devasted by news of the man being sent to war. The woman resolved that he must go, to defend his family's honor but doesn't understand why they send children to war.

You might not understand this, but to further explain, the woman always saw every man that went to war as if he were a child, and would picture them as small children in armor too big for their small bodies. She does this because she believed that no matter how old we are, we remain children, even through the scars and sorrows of life, she believed that all people are only as old as they look on the outside but on the inside there lurks a child that cries for its mother and father and happiness. It truly is a touching story. Ultimately she holds firm to the fact that we all forget ourselves too quickly, and are forced to fight pointless battles and go through difficult trials in life simply to try and rid ourselves of the small child within.

So, as Chichi-ue would strike up the tune, not at all bothered by being awakened in the middle of the night I might add, my Haha-ue would teach me the dance routine that went along with it. It was a beautiful sight to happen upon--a father playing a touching refrain on the koto while watching his wife effortlessly and majestically move her body like water to the song in the moonlight, as Haha-ue is an incredible dancer, and his son awkwardly trying to mimick her in the male routine, their shadows dancing along on the grass. And since the age of five I was whisked away from bed at erratic times and taught to dance the routine until I turned fifteen and had memorized the dance long ago. By then I was already as tall as my Haha-ue and we could properly execute every move with our bodies in perfect alignment. Then Chichi-ue would ask to cut in, as he had learned the routine from watching us for so many years and as I sat and watched them and played the koto as well as he, I felt moved by my parents portraying their emotions so freely to each other and from their love the dance achieved what it lacked if danced with a partner for which you shared no deep connections with and the beauty of it was magnified even more.

Now, as I hear it again I am filled with nostalgia for those days of peace and I instantly have the need to grab Sayuri-chan and have her dance it with me, to feel her body against mine, to see if we will be able to do the same thing my parents did, to see if we would be able to give the dance the touch of feeling that was rare and priceless.

"…he kisses you. What're you going to do then?" I heard Asuza-san say as I abandoned my thoughts.

"…I-I don't know." After I heard Sayuri-chan say this I took a deep breath and walked out from behind the stand, unable to supress my smile. It wasn't because of the topic they were discussing of course, it was because I was releasing all the sorrows and pain of life. I wanted to be a child again. Not thinking about how she feels or my feelings toward her or about the future or anything. Just smiling and hearing the song of the young souls, the notes passing through my body and rejuvenating my spirit.

Both Asuza-san and Sayuri-chan looked shocked to see me appear from thin air, but I focused on Sayuri-chan. On her eyes and her, her everything. She looked beautiful. I angled my head so that I might hear the music better. "Do you know this song?" I asked her. She listened to it for a while, as if just taking notice of it, and smiled as well.

"Yes, I do. It is the 'Young Souls' tale." she said.

"What? What is that?" Asuza-san rudely intruded in our conversation.

Sayuri-chan did not look like she was bothered by this while I was rather annoyed. "It is the story about the two lovers and the man has to go to war and the woman is sad that he has to go."

I immediately interjected before her friend asked another question. "Do you know…the dance?"

Sayuri-chan caught on to my motives and became demure when she shyly answered, "Yes…I learned from a friend."

My nerves got the best of me as I readied my next question, my true nature unable to be suppressed for long. I inhaled and caught her scent of lilies and I was calmed by them. I reached out to her with my right hand waiting for her to place herself in the palm of my hand, allow me to guide her, to be her solace.

"Will you join me?"

Asuza-san stood in a completely alternate background. All I saw was Sayuri-chan. Her cheeks inflamed and my mind was turned inside-out, my arms burned at the sight of her teeth biting down upon her lower lip. She caused the blood to race in my veins at break-neck speed with that one gesture, imagine if she did anything more than that! And I was taken when she delicately placed her hand in mine, putting only the slightest bit of pressure on it, if any at all, like she was giving me her heart and saying to me, _'Be careful with it. Don't break it, because its so fragile, Kohaku…_'

I wanted to respond and say I would never hurt her, because she already meant so much to me, and I was her protector. Keep her safe from harm, keep a smile on her face. Those were my duties. And they were responsiblities I wanted, I realized this as I led her to the center of the festival in front of the musicians playing the song, and looking into her eyes revealing everything to me, we took up position, and I wanted to be her guardian. I wanted to be the man on whose shoulder she laid her head and relaxed her body against, the one she trusted with her heart. The battle for my own mortality seemed so insignificant then, when compared to the importance of preventing a single salty tear from staining her cheek. She should never have to cry alone in the woods.

Smiling, I reached up and gently plucked away the kanzashi that held her hair up. I was amused at the shock on her face as I did this, her eyes wide and her mouth slightly open. But it was worth seeing those waves of honey-brown silk cascade down upon her shoulders and the few strands flying and settling on her face. Vulnerability. Its what I want most. And what I fear most.

"Koha--"

"Wait." I stopped her, and reached into the folds of my robes to gently clasp my hand around the flower still there. I pulled it out, hoping it wasn't damaged, and was glad to find it still flawless. Flawless as the girl in front of me. No, actually, she isn't flawless. No one is. She is scarred by a weary life, yet I am attracted to it, attracted to pain…because of my intense desire to heal it. Slowly, I breathed in and brushed the hair from her face; her expression softened into one of empathy, and I smoothed the hair on one side of her head to tuck it behind her ear along with the lily I placed safely there. I stepped back to look at her and she briefly held her head parallel to mine. The white of the lily brought out her stunning oceanic eyes, my insides melted. Then she lowered her head as if she were bowing like the nightingale etched into her kimono. When will she realize that I am dealt the heaviest of blows from being denied the view of her beauty?

"Now I don't think there is anyone here tonight that can even compare to you." I stepped closer to her, in the position of the first string of the dance, for the music had started over because they knew we were going to dance to it, and mumbled this. She sucked in a breath.

And it began. The koto was strummed by a suitable hand of talent and our bodies flowed to the sound, I turned to one side facing away from her, spreading one arm to the night sky ablaze with the light of the fire from below. Subsequently, she would be behind me, spreading both her arms out to me as if calling out for me to stay, as did the woman in the story to her lover. The flute chimed in with its heartbreaking melody, the cue for me to face her and shift my footing countless times, like I am tripping over my own two feet and I saw her whish in front of me her arms angled perfectly outward, then her hair lifting as she spun around to my back. My gestures would become stronger now, my fists would clench as I extended my arm to the sky and threw my torso to be aligned with the ground. Here the man is assuming the woman does not understand the ways of war and is being disobedient by complaining, therefore making it harder for him to part from her. Now Sayuri-chan moved closer to me as the tempo of the song picks up in rapid yet fluid movements, conveying the woman's desire for him to see through her eyes, and here she exacts the same powerful strokes with her body to close the distance between us until she stands with her face inches away from mine.

Her breathing is leveled and controlled. Her eyes hold mine with such potency and emotion, I stare back at her with an equal amount of concentration. Then she lifts her hands between us, her palms shown to me and her fingers spread, and gradually lowers them, her hands so close to running over my face and chest but not doing so, and this shows the barrier that the woman sees between her and her lover, a wall she wishes to tear down. One of her fingers accidentally come into contact with my lower lip and I lick them both out of reflex. This action compels me…I stand obedient with my fists at my sides but in all actuality I want to take her hands and run them myself across my chest, to feel her touch, to feel her. Having her so close to me caused such a strong effect that I could barely contain myself. And I raise my hand as close to her face and she did mine, ready to caress her cheek but at the last minute I pull away. I could have sworn I saw a pained look on her face that was all too real; I move in the motions of the song and koto, lift my hands to the sky, as if looking at them in frustration, then violently take them back down so I may have a better view of them. Here, the man shows how he is trying to comprehend his lover's way of thinking, but he cannot. Sayuri-chan then makes her way toward me in elegant twists and turns, the fluidity and chance of life, and kneels close to the ground at my feet behind me, my arm glides before my body as I turn to look down at her while she brings her hands to her chest. This is where the woman shows how she sees him as a child inside, as she sees herself as one, and Sayuri-chan brings herself upright but rises with her arms pressed tightly together and undulating like her body, in waves like the growth of a plant. The woman is showing how we grow and wish to rid ourselves of our childishness. Seeing her body exact the move so perfect makes me want to collide against her and hold her to me because I see the woman in her! Sayuri-chan is the woman not wanting me to go to war, to fight this battle, wanting me to stay with her forever, and I am the man who is too naïve to see her desperation! And I do want to stay. This land and the seasons pass and during those times there is so much turmoil and sorrow, and she gives it light and beauty with her dance, her innocence of the child within her. This crude armor encasing me, damn I wish I could shed it from myself. Go about life not caring, being one of these villagers…seeing her in that state, the being not from this world as I had pictured her before, it hurt me and at the same time dazzled me. Using her body as her own, with a grace that can rival Haha-ue's, well, it was surprising to see that she was capable of this, after deceiving me with her constant blush and modesty. This woman that moved to the moon in front of the world, she seemed like another person, but still Sayuri-chan. Only, an uninhibited version of her. And I felt privileged and honored to witness it.

The flute sounded like it was crying. Sayuri-chan held her stomach then released it, expressing the woman and her interpretation of the child leaving its mother, as men do when they are born and when they pass on to the next life. I had to repeat a certain movement over and over again, which involved me raising my hands to my face and then pushing them out on either side of me, suggesting the man was trying to block the truth of the world from his mind, closing it to his own lover. But she wouldn't relent to this, in her great need to reach him she, or Sayuri-chan, would run over to his back and I lightly gasped to myself when I felt her back press against mine, and I extended my arms for the most important part of the dance; she did the same. Our arms aligned with each other and the backs of our hands touched, our arms moving slowly upward. She rested her head on mine and I relaxed, even going so far as to closing my eyes for the moment when our arms reached the space above our heads and we stopped to flip our hands over, so that our palms pressed together and our fingers interlaced.

I clenched her hand tight in mine, not too hard, but enough to show her how strongly this affected me, what I felt in that position. Our arms slowly went down but I savored it, knowing the next manuever would be all the more intimate. The intimacy. If I had been doing the same thing with someone other than her, it wouldn't be the same. There wouldn't be the rush of sensations and the tingling washing over me if it were anyone else. Only Sayuri-chan. The time came for the transition, the koto dying out and the flute assuming its solo. And in one swift motion, we both turned in a half-moon style to face each other as we had done earlier but this time we both raised our hands in front of each other starting from the bottom, and we pressed our palms together again. I looked into those eyes, those eyes…and lost myself in them. She did not look in some other direction, nor did she allow her gaze to shift for one second at the crowd that gathered around us to enjoy the spectacle. No, she kept her eyes on mine and I saw the flames behind her pupil, the passion for life and love and art.

It was the sense of touch. As we rose our hands up, my hands analyzed everything about hers, the smooth texture of her skin, the narrowness of her fingers and the moisture on her palms. I wanted to feel something. And I felt her there, her hands on mine, feeling the things I use to hold and touch. But that one particular sense was heightened then and there. While I stared into her iris and blocked out the noise of our surroundings…all I felt at that moment was her.

I think we disregard our hands too much. We use them only as mundane tools, given to us so that we may be able to function in life, a necessity, and they would be missed if they were gone. Although, when I think of it, we just go about our days using them and don't wonder about how many things we use them for, they are simply there, we assume and we don't pay much attention to them. We take them for granted. But what people don't realize is that our hands are almost the most sacred things on our body. Our hands are what we use to caress our loved ones, to clasp our parents clothing, to hold our infant children for the first time and many times after, to feel things we see that we must know the contours and textures of. The sense of touch. If you were to brush against another while walking, it would be a form of intimacy with another being. Of course, not the most emotional, still, it touches you. It has an effect on your skin. To feel a complete stranger, to come into contact with them in the closest act. And this is what is accomplished through the hands. A person can find their soul mate by clasping hands with them because it is the second closest form of bonding with another soul. Yes, the first form would be intercourse, but if one can consider it closely, it can either be an act of pure primal urges or an act of the most purest love. With touching another person's hands, there can be no other reason except the deepest level of understanding because no one can receive sexual pleasure from holding someone else's hand. They can only immerse themselves in the satisfaction of their sense of touch…their desire for contact, for pure intimacy with that being.

Our fingers laced together again when our hands reached our heads. We stayed that way forever…or it felt like it. As the pitch of the flute languidly got lower and lower our one final move in the routine was for me to release her hands and turn from her one last time, as in the story where the man refuses to see through the woman's eyes and goes off to war anyway, but the both of us remained standing there, our hands clasped together, staring. I saw in her eyes the hesitance and the doubt of whether I was going to let go and complete the dance and when the cue for this came, her hands slacked because she thought I would go on, and when I didn't she said nothing. Her hands tightened in mine again and the flute went on to end its solo in its sad, wilting tone.

The song ended and suddenly a wave of applause erupted all around us along with cheers and receptions. Only then did we break off such a personal act in public and became aware of where we were, Sayuri-chan slid her stare from me to the people clapping for us, unconsciously lifting her fingers to her mouth. She knew as well as I that we had shown a lot of ourselves to each other and it was a slight bit embarrassing to have so many people make a spectacle of it. Everyone hadn't been interested in the festival any longer and abandoned their activities to watch us. Hm, I hadn't expected anyone to pay such attention to us, or me for that matter while dancing. It was unsettling. We remained standing there in front of the musicians clapping along with the others. I didn't know whether to leave or anything, and to do so I would need to lead Sayuri-chan through them, which would be incredibly uncomfortable. But after that, I longed to be alone with her, to address what just happened between us. As I looked over the spectators I saw Haha-ue in a stunning light plum colored kimono and a touched expression on her face, Chichi-ue beside her and looking impressed. Inuyasha looked directly back at me among faces I didn't know, he had seen it as well and appeared to be contemplating me, Kagome adorning a dark blue kimono smiled at me in a maternal way. The village headman pushed through the crowd, I glimpsed him from out the corner of my eye, a slim middle-aged man with ruffled, shaggy black hair and a simple cotton yukata on. He came up to Sayuri-chan and I.

"Sayuri-chan!" he directly addressed her and she bowed in reverence, I think to hide the discomfort her face showed. "That was simply amazing! Such genius! I had no idea you, little Sayuri-chan, could dance so brilliantly! As talented as a geisha!! Incredible! And your monk friend! Houshi-sama!"

He was loud and deliberate and in my current state I found him intolerable. Yet I dealt with it, not wanting to embarrass myself or Sayuri-chan. I bowed to him first, then he returned the favor. "For a monk you move so fluidly! Your gestures were magnificent! I almost shed tears along with the women while watching you!"

Yes, that was all fine and flattering, now leave me so I may go about my life! "Thank you. I don't deserve such praise." I replied, hoping it would end there.

Ah, it did not! "Sayuri-chan, your suitor is some catch. Not what I would expect from you! Well done! So what shall I see from you two in the future?"

She said nothing, the crowd was dispersing from around us, thank Buddha. The headman laughed. "Sayuri-chan, you and your modesty! Well, you two enjoy the festival! Most talented young ones here--" Like a fool, I thought he was going to walk away when he turned his back to us, but then he just whirled back around. My face fell. "--and Sayuri-chan! I expect to see you performing in more of our events! Now I know your secret dancing abilities and I plan on letting all of Nihon see them as well! You don't want to be stingy with your gift do you?"

Sayuri-chan opened her mouth to protest and was cut off by the man's raucous laughter. It displeases me whenever I witness a situation where a woman's opinion about her own business is waved off like a bothersome fly in the wake of men. Sure, it is custom and women are meant to be tight-lipped and silent in our presence; it is the way of women. I abhor it. Women should be entitled to do as they please. Really, what is the difference between us other than anatomically? Nothing. We men make senseless rules to control, because it is what men desire most, control over something. And women, since they are normally the weaker sex, are stuck dealing with the blunt of their own falsely influenced inferiority. That's why I appreciate and marvel at strong women like my Haha-ue and Kagome, and especially Imoutou-chan. Sayuri-chan was probably being obedient, obeying the laws taught to her by society that she had learned since childhood. 'Women are to be seen not heard.' It disgusted me to see her judgment thrown aside and being forced to do something she didn't want to. I wanted to rise to her defense if she wasn't able to.

She must have sensed this. As the muscles in my arms tensed for preparation, she placed her hand gently on my bicep. When I looked at her, it was like she was silently begging me to relax and let it go. I looked at the headman. "Alright then, I suppose you two would like to go on about your own and enjoy the night!! Go on! It is the festival! Go and play now!" he guffawed. This time, he walked off and left us standing there.

Everyone had left the circle that was around us before he showed up and spread back out to different areas of the festival. She stood awkwardly holding her wrists and looking around at the people laughing and rotating to different novelty stands.

This was my opportunity, our opportunity to talk over the intense session we had just engaged in. A chance I wasn't about to miss so carelessly. What had occurred then, it was something that couldn't be ignored. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end from looking at her, being so near her and not being able to reach out and…wait. Those aren't my thoughts! They couldn't be! I'm not like that, I'm the one who stutters and is nervous around women!! Not one who openly bathes in their innermost desires, who narrates and contemplates their fantasies while in the presence of their object of affection. No! but--maybe --yes. Maybe she is my object of affection. Wrong again. She can't be considered as an object either. Rather, the light in my eyes at the moment. Now, that is phrased better.

I looked at her when I heard the breathy sigh above all the other clamor. She returned the gesture and I leaned closer to her, the heat of such a move stifling me.

"Would you like to go somewhere else…with less noise?"

"Um," she hesitated, biting her lip again in contemplation. How can she manage to be so enticing with such simple movements? "Yes."

With that simple word of agreement from her we began walking out from the festival area, on the same path we had tread to come here in the first place, in the direction of her home since it was the only place we could go that was away it. My hand twitched toward hers dangling childishly by her side, but then I thought twice of it and withdrew lest I do something socially unacceptable. It is in bad taste for a man to violate a young woman in such a manner, when she is unmarried and they have only been acquainted for a short period of time. I had no desire to shame her, or dispoil her name, so I kept to myself of course. We walked silently admiring the scenery of the village at night, awash in the flickering shadows cast from the flames of the torches far behind us now. She gazed all around with a languid smile and I did too, mirroring her whimsical delight.

Soon we were far off from the village and the dirt beneath our feet turned to the golden grass of the plains leading to that prominent hill and then ahead of us, the woodlands. I saw her look toward them from the corner of my eye and the warmth that settled in her expression, one of relaxation that the place where she sought comfort from daily life lied, waiting for her--always. Yes, that would give her reason to relax. To know that something in this world was solid and sheltering, unchanging, forever offering a sanctuary that she can run to whenever she pleases, and it will always lie in wait for her, without doubts. And then I found myself feeling the same when we entered the depths of it, traversed through the first row of bare, leafless trees and went on the same trodden track that has been worn from the continuous passage of feet and geta and all types of things.

I let her enter the clearing where we first met formally before me, and followed behind her. Sayuri-chan sat upon the same polished boulder and sighed, apparently weary from the long walk and the dance we had taken up a mere hour or so earlier. I smiled, sitting down next to her, both of us facing the same direction. The heat failed to travel here from the village. It was cold, and we were able to see vapors in front of our mouths with each escaped breath. She shivered briefly, and I immediately got up and set to gathering small sticks and branches, anything that would set fire, but not spread. She didn't question me, only sat there and propped her arm at the elbow upon her knee and held her chin in her palm, watching me absentmindedly. All was quiet except for the frost crackling beneath my waraji; I held a small bundle in my arms and knelt down in front of her to place them as close to her as possible, so that she would feel most of the warmth, and retrieved two splint rocks from the folds of my robes. And then my favorite part of the process came. Most people wouldn't pay much attention to this simple, seemingly everyday act, but every time I did it, something inside me burst with childish splendor upon doing it, and still to this day I have no idea why my face lights up to do so.

Maybe the reason is the anticipation. The knowledge of the what might be, what is to come, but must still be initiated and it looms ever so precariously on the edge of existence. And despite my meager being, I am the one who brings life to it, I am the one who, after the patience and waiting, will be the one who creates the brazen force which has the power to destroy a whole village, yet is still the source of comfort and the answer to the chill in the marrow of frozen bones. And there I knelt, hitting those two splint rocks together, mouth tilted in eager delight, a sharp resonating snap ringing over and over through the trees and bark and every living thing: waiting for sparks.

There. I saw them in the shadows of a moment. They leapt from the stones, heeding my calls, pushed by the force, and rained down upon the scraps of firewood that lay in the dirt. They smoldered. Again. I remember the time when Haha-ue first taught me how to start a fire--I felt guilty to learn how to do such a thing, to create such a monstrous thing. And yet, when she bent down over me in that dark, damp cave, and held my trembling hands in hers, the two rocks between my fingers, and carried out the action while still allowing me to do it as well--I was afraid. What if it went out of control? What if it hurt Haha-ue? What if I killed Haha-ue with my own hands in hers, by creating myself the instrument of her death? All these thoughts ran through my head at the time, drowning out her rhythmic words of soft instruction. Then, I was surprised when the questions blended together, so I was unable to tell which was which, and all that I heard was the sound of the mineral of the rocks colliding with each other--all else was silent. And I caught it, the sparks, the premature parents of the flame, jump from their hiding place and seemingly extinguish into the driftwood set before us. My heart lept with them! I grinned fully and completely, I saw them appear in the space of time of a single heatbeat and it felt magnificent to witness it. It was as if the sparks had set off in my mind, in my heart, deep inside me, a special happiness that I hadn't known until then, until seeing the small, tiny vulnerable beginnings of a flame. And even greater was my new happiness when on the second try it suddenly burst forth in all its wonder and strength, no longer vulnerable, and lashed out at me in angry strikes. Haha-ue quickly shoveled dirt in her bare hands and threw it upon the flames, taming them, hushing them, her children. Her creation, she was showing it that she was its mistress, and that they should obey. It did, and the cave we sought solace in lit up and shadows danced upon its walls. I looked toward the sillhouette of her I had seen earlier and realized she was awash in golden hues, my Haha-ue, smiling at me.

At the second action they were thrown again from the friction, the sparks fled from the surface of the splint rocks and toward the branches, they landed, sizzled. The single strip of bark among the pile cracked. I bent closer to where the faint lines of smoke billowed up and blew three consecutive times, and with that, a paltry and miserable flame materialized underneath my nose. I cautiously shifted a stick and snatched my hand away from the blazing fire that erupted, a scarlet orange glow that barely showed any honor, but fought valiantly as it could to gain it. There wasn't even a need to tame it, for it was already tame. Small, but practical. I was content with the adequate lighting it provided and the heat it fed my toes, feeling it soak gradually into my skin, causing the bumps along my arms to recede. I stood up and glanced at her. She still said nothing, gazing into the fire. Detached, her mind appeared to be somewhere else far from where we stood, and I respected her silence. I sat down beside her and looked at her from the corner of my eye while she was lost in herself. I hadn't meant to stare, but I saw how the fire danced in her iris, mingled when her eye kept still with the tender blue, but swathed the color when her sight dashed about her point of interest, trembling against each other they were, crimson and azure and gold. Her features were more subtle in the refined light of the fire, smooth and delicate, like if I were to reach out and touch her cheek, its surface would be sensitive to my fingertips. Her eyes unexpectedly shot to me and I lost composure. She knew what I was doing.

My face burned as she angled her body toward mine. Her hands lay at opposite sides of her, she was leaning all her weight onto them, they were her support.

"Have you been enjoying yourself?" I asked quickly, keeping eye contact.

She let a smile slip, no doubt unwillingly, and this caused a fluttering in my chest. Trying to clear it up, but failing miserably she looked at the ground and said, "Yes."

The crackling of the fire filled the awkward silence that preceded her answer. A ruffling of her kimono shifting against the smooth stone surface of the boulder and I watched her lean forward and stretch out her arm, careful to hold the hem away, and swiftly dip her hand into the flames. And they embraced it, protecting it, intertwining with her fingers; then she snatched it back as spontaneously as she had placed it there and I was surprised that her hand emerged unscathed, even flawless one would say, and she resigned to holding it over the fire, teasing it; every time it rose to try and envelop her she rose her hand higher. This simple act caught my rapt attention. My eyes found their way to her lips, and they parted, moved in strange ways but fascinating movements, and her voice filled my ears.

"This will probably be the only thing that will happen to me in my life. You…will probably be the only thing that happens in my life." her words drifted in the air. She eyed the fire, I eyed her lips bathed in that gold shadow.

"Your Oji-san said that you had suitors…why didn't you ever answer them?"

"Because…" she dwelled, and went on, "…I don't want--I didn't want to feel…what its like. You know, when its cold on a night like this, and you're very cold, and you suddenly find a blazing fire like this one…and you see it from far away, and once you get close to it, you're so cold…that you immediately plunge your frost-bitten hands into it, and right then, it goes out, just like that…I suppose that's how I feel."

Her hand grazes the fire once more, then pulls away. "Why would I want to feel something like that, reach out and touch an opportunity to have a family and a husband, and then have it go away as soon as I do? Why just have a taste of it when you can't have it all? Why even bother?"

"Then why don't you? Take it all? Your happiness, what you deserve?"

Sayuri-chan pulled her hand away and held it in her lap, her head lowered as she observed it, as if it were alien to her, something she had never seen before. "And my Oji? What is the use of having an empty happiness when the one who gave you everything must wallow in a corner and suffer alone? Would you claim a happiness at the expense of letting the one you love slowly drift away by themselves?

"It was meant to be this way." Her head lifted and her eyes caught me, her pupils twisted in despair and pain. "I could never be happy while my Oji is sad and alone. So I am to stay with him so we can both be unhappy together. Its better this way. We are both alone together."

I kissed her. This is all I can say, because it happened so suddenly, I can hardly explain how it happened. Only, I can say that after the last word of her sentence, "together", everything went dark, and I felt a moisture against my lips, the soft texture and plumpness of hers, the brief resistance of her teeth, as her mouth had been slightly open. The warmth of her filled my form, I heard the sharp gasp that escaped her, the trembling of the breath from her nostrils on the tip of my nose. But mostly warmth. My eyes closed, all I saw was nothing and all I felt was her. My lips left hers for a moment, but not even the air had the time to come between us before I pressed them against hers again, and with equal reciprocation she molded her mouth to mine.

My body dripped with heat traveling to my face, arms, chest. This was the first time I really felt it. A kiss, I mean. A real one. It was a welcoming sensation that was peculiar but perfection all the same. I thought it lasted forever, when we finally parted, I thought the fire would have died out by then, the sun would have been breaking against the twilit sky to reveal a new dawn. But I still heard the crackling of the fire and when I opened my eyes shadows were still cast everywhere about us, quivering as ardently as Sayuri-chan's breathing.

Her hair was draped over her eyes, yet I was able to see them staring directly into mine in surprise, mingled with the deep feverous longing of the passion that had yet to subside. My body was leaning towards her, which caused her to angle backward. Though I must point out that she did not slide away from me, she had merely moved back, allowing my frame to loom over hers. While my addled mind noted all this, my eyes remained on hers, and I felt all the innocence they portrayed, the ignorance of a child who just discovered something forbidden and adult.

We said nothing. I had no idea what to say, and judging from the way she stared, she was at a loss for words as well. So, I simply took in the sight of her, and I resolved to do this for a very long time until her voice penetrated my hearing.

"Kohaku-kun…why--what is this? Why are we-you…doing this?"

I looked at her in all my adolescent naivety. We were both young souls, experimenting with it, an inexperienced teenage boy and girl hiding away in the woods together and discovering what we had never known before in front of a small kindling. I blushed. And a foolish, ungainly smile covered my face.

And without a word, I lifted my eyebrows and silently mouthed a constantly uttered phrase.

"I don't know…"

**A/N: **Yes, of course this author realizes how much of a sappy romantic this chapter makes Kohaku-san out to be. But one must not forget that it is mostly his character, being preceeded and brought up by a great romantic as well. This chapter mostly excluded Kikyou-chan because she is out on her own business and this author feels that it is about time that she is present not in her older brother's shadows all the time. She does have a life of her own. And that is why the next chapter will be dedicated to her, precisely. And this author also apologizes for the length of this chapter as opposed to all the others, but they really wanted to close it solidly, due to the fact that the next chapter would be Kikyou's and the second fact that this author is completely fascinated with this couple and the character of Sayuri-chan. And if you, reader of this chapter, can get past the sentiment and fluff perspiring from it, theworldsgreatest01 believes that you too will guiltily fall in love with this awkwardly adorable pairing as well.

**In Case you didn't Know:**

The name Sayuri when written in kanji can also mean "lily" or "reason", hence her kimono being decorated with them and the lily Kohaku gives her to put in her hair.

The title of the story is called, Sparks, as is the title for a song by an alternative "very heavy soft rock" group called Coldplay, which has the same name. This chapter was ultimately inspired by the song's beautiful melody, its touching use of vocals and its equally beautiful lyrics.

The phrase that Kohaku thinks of, "It was the sense of touch", is coined from the lines of Don Cheadle in a favorite movie he stars in called Crash, which feautres another amazing score by Bird York called "In The Deep", a song this author placed on repeat while writing this chapter, especially during the scene where Kohaku and Sayuri dance. It has a wonderful effect, so this author recommends that you readers, if it comes to the point where you like this chapter enough to go back to that scene, listen to it while reading that part.

If it isn't already common knowledge, this author can also say that the character of Sayuri closely resembles the character of Sayuri in the popular novel, Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden, in which the character of Sayuri in his novel had piercing blue eyes as well. There is a hint at the resemblance in this chapter when the village headman praises Sayuri on her dancing abilities and says, "As talented as a geisha!". In the novel by Golden, the character Sayuri was a famous and beautiful geisha.

Finally, the reason why Kohaku makes such a big fuss over Sayuri-chan's neck, which doesn't really seem like such a big deal, is because for men in Japan, the neck of a woman is the most erotic part of the body, much like American men and a woman's legs. This information is also featured in Golden's book, if you have read it.

P.S. All the above mentioned authors, movies, songs, music groups and actors are in no way affiliated with this author in any way whatsoever.


	9. Mind and Body

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Inuyasha or any of Shogakukan's merchandise, neither do I lay claim to any of Rumiko Takahashi's masterpieces, I am much too inadequate to be so ingenious.

**Author's Note: **I ask forgiveness for the lateness of this installment, its just been that I have been rather busy in life, I have more things to do than sit at home on my laptop and write fanfiction all day. I have actually been wasting time writing short stories and novels instead. I have decided to pursue a writing career, well, I have always wanted to pursue that field, but I have been dedicating more time to that endeavor, since my recent high school graduation I have been trying to be vigilant in entering contests for short stories, getting my name out there, etc, etc. and of course, as my age renders me to do, I have been dedicating time to my social life as well, because, well, I'm not a loser. But I do get bored, and this chapter is the product of such boredom, two years in the making. So much has changed in my life since the last chapter. But anyway, for those of you who have been reading this story, I will try to finish it quicker. I abhor leaving good ideas to waste.

**Chapter Nine: Mind and Body**

**... ...**

Sometimes, I can be an insomniac at night and wake up from a deep sleep for no reason, just 'cause my body can. Its weird. My mind can wish and ache for sleep all it wants, but my body and its functions just decide whether or not I do drift off into a dream land. And at the same time I guess it can be kinda funny, still. Just thinking about it. It may look like a person's mind has control over everything, but the body is really the one who has control. The body is something like a man's first born son. You can spend your entire life sacrificing for it, working for it and pamperin' it to be in its best form, but it does just what it wants in the end. No matter how hard you try to steer it in a certain direction, it goes where it wants. A person's mind can try and make their body not to send blood to its face, as I'm sure Nii-san has tried on many occasions, but if the body is wants to blush, it blushes. I can send a whole bunch of messages from my mind to my body not to bleed when I get cut, but that won't stop the red stuff from pouring out. No matter how dedicated my mind will be to my body, my body will always betray it. The body is a traitor.

That's what I thought so painstakingly about as I lay on the ratty old futon the old man had pulled out for me in the darkness permeated by Sango and Oka-san's soft, even breathing. I wondered why I didn't hear that Sayuri girl's breathing, and she might have been awake too, but as much as I tried to see her in the dark, I couldn't so I resigned to lying there with my thoughts.

I've stopped to take a look at myself naked before. And I didn't have a nice reaction toward it either. Sure, covered and constrained, the body looks normal and regular, but my body without clothes on looks strange, I guess. Just bare flesh everywhere, and the hair. Ugh, the hair. Every time I bathe, there are moments when I look in the reflection of the water at myself and I keep getting the same feeling in the pit of my stomach that the body my head is screwed onto isn't right. First and foremost, the breasts. The things hanging from my chest. I've seen other women's breasts, Sango's and my Oka-san's while bathing, even though it was extremely awkward and I didn't want to, and compared to theirs, they're normal, I guess, if not a little on the busty side. And they're damn annoying! Always having to bind them up to keep em from flopping around in battle! Then, the butt. My butt. I guess its okay. It doesn't sag, like the old hags in the bathhouses. I train a lot, I'm always active, so its pretty strong and…tight, you could say. I've heard dirty, old samurai snickering to their friends on late nights while they guarded their lord's domain about how they love women's rears, especially if they're…tight. Its weird to mention it, to mention those pervs, but I guess they gotta represent some male perspective and if you think about it, a woman with a sagging bottom doesn't even sound attractive and certainly doesn't look attractive, even to me. And then…um, hmph. I can't even say it in my own head! The…flower. My flower. I've examined it…one can say. But not extensively. Who would want to in the first place? It doesn't interest me in the least. In fact, I rarely pay it any mind. But thinking of it…it is a very simple body part. I know urine goes out as well as blood; our curse, but…I'm dense on the other uses a woman's flower has. I guess mine is standard; I haven't seen anyone else's thank the gods. Sometimes while I'm bathing, and only then, have I looked at it, from curiosity y'know. Oka-san says it is the most sacred part of a woman. It sure doesn't look sacred to me. It does feel sacred though. After all, it is an opening that I find personal and I sure as hell wouldn't let just anyone take a peek at it. Somehow, I feel like it's a part of me, and it isn't. Same way I feel about my body. It's me, and it isn't me. Like, for instance, I'm known by my face, by the body I walk in and use in everyday life, and its called Kikyou. But, if I were to somehow lose my body, in some supernatural bullshit, I would still be Kikyou. I would still be me. So this thing is a simple necessity. Like food and water. But it isn't me, me, right? My soul is me, so why should I even associate with this body anymore than I need to?

So I ended my own thoughts with the best conclusion I could think of. I reasoned with myself and found a good point that, if anybody decided to question me about it, I have a swift answer ready that makes perfect sense. Nii-san isn't the only one who can think of profound things. I can be compelling and all when I want to be, only I don't flaunt it like he does. Especially around those fillies in the village. How can he be so…so…perverted? He knows exactly what he's doing. Men know when they're luring in a woman, they know when they're looking that they're doing what they can do to get what they want. He's like all men. Into helpless little fillies with no brains. Now, I'm not sayin that I'm some sort of woman who hates men…I think. Well, I haven't really ever done anything with a man before, really. I haven't had a man look at me that way…like he was attracted to me. With all the baggy clothing they don't really have much to look at and besides, being surrounded by three overprotective men and a Shippou that have known me since I was a baby makes for a girl that can hardly even dream about making eye contact with another guy without being hounded. My Oto-san, Miroku who's basically an Oji to me, and Nii-san, who's well, my onii-san and watches over me like a freakin hawk. Shippou, well, he'll just be Shippou. But he kinda watches over me too.

I rolled over on my side in the dark and huffed to myself in my own anger. Sango moved in her light sleep because every little sound can wake her up. She's used to it.

Why should I be watched every single moment of my life? I should be able to do whatever the hell I want, when I want to and no one should stop me from doin it! Who says they control me and my actions? I control me. I do what I please! And come to think of it, I've only just realized this going on, how every waking moment of my life until now's been watched by the eyes of my family and friends. I should be allowed my own time, not have to be watched over like some precious jewel or somethin. Every waking moment of my life, actually, I've been surrounded by these people! When I wake up in the morning, and when I sleep every night. Even now they're suffocatin me, breathing my air, disturbing my sleep with their whispery breathing…well, that's gonna change. I still can't believe I let it carry on for so long. But tomorrow will be the day of my independence, the day I finally break free from this prison, this goddamn cage.

I looked over to Oka-san and saw her face in the moonlight shining through the open shutters of the wooden window to the room. I bet she thought she could hold me… She slept on, not even knowing about my anger. Well. We'll just see about that then. Because nobody can hold me, and sooner or later, the caged bird wants for the clouds so much that even it will break free when it gets fed the hell up with just sitting there eating seeds.

The sunlight lit up the edges of my eyebrows in my ever so beautiful frown, the one that's been there since the night before. I hardly got any sleep and I was hella pissed off at that too, but I couldn't sleep because all I thought about was how long I've been like this. When I got up mostly everyone was still asleep, and I this was my chance. I shouldn't have to explain anyway, where I'm going! Why should they have to know? So I decided to go off to the lake the old guy had been talking about last night to take a quick bath, then go on about my own business and figure out the things I wanted to do in my freedom for the day. I had only taken maybe two steps towards the door when Oka-san spoke out to me from her dreams. Damn it all, how even in her sleep she knew when I was coming and going!

"Kikyou-chan….where are you going…?"

"Out!" I said low, in case I woke up Sango too.

She yawned and turned over. "Ok…but have your father do that first, he knows where the okonomiyaki is…"

She was speaking gibberish and I felt like screaming from her wasting my time keeping me there to listen to stupidity! But then again, I could have left instead of standing there like an idiot. Her eyes weren't even open! Well, not only had she been keepin me from the outside world all this time without me even knowing about it, but she also made me look like a fool just after daybreak. And I bet she just loved it too.

I glared at Oka-san one last time before leaving 'less anyone else stop me. The sun hit me so hard that I had to squint to keep from being blind. Some people were out, doing the morning chores and whatnot, two old ladies dusting off some mats, a few women feeding some chickens, men gettin' some fishing supplies and talking about crap-who the hell cares anyway. I sniffed and caught the scent of the lake, and all I really felt like doing right then and there was taking a bath. Some of the stupid villagers had their eyes on me.

I turned around and did a gesture that spun my hands over to show my palms. "What the hell do ya want? You people are starin at me like I got something of yours! Do I got something of yours? Am I _wearin _your kimono?"

They glared at me and went right back to whatever the hell it was they were doing. I rolled my eyes and went on my way to the damn lake.

That's one fucking thing I can't understand. The goddam staring. I mean, am I that big of a spectacle that people just can't take their eyes off of me? I'm used to it. Ever since I first went out under the eyes of those morons all I heard was whispers and all I saw were stares. And the worst part is, I was a kid and I didn't even know any better, but they still treated me like an outsider, even the damn old people my Oto-san protected everyday from the demons rejected me from the start, kept their children away, afraid they would catch my "youkai blood". It doesn't matter if they give the lies that we're all trying to live in harmony and peace. Deep inside, they're all the same.

It was cold; freezing mostly. The soil underneath my bare feet was hard with the morning frost even though the sun and the woods were getting closer with its musky smell. I admit…maybe, well, it hurt a little back then. I felt like I didn't belong and no one understood because I'm the only one that I know of and I was always different. Sometimes, when I was little, I used to wish I was human, like my Oka-san. And then other times, I wished I was a full youkai, so I wouldn't be weak. That was after Maburoshi came and messed everything up and changed our lives. My human blood hinders me, I'm not as strong as full youkai. Now I know how Oto-san feels about Oji-san Sesshomaru. Its so fucked up, because even though Nii-san was there for me before, while we were kids, he never really understood. He wasn't the one who had to deal with being an outsider…he was normal. He still is. Human.

But he's still weak. And my youkai blood makes me stronger, so I know I'll survive longer, fight harder. I've never had any friends except for him. I mean, how could I get close to any of these people when all they do is judge? And that's all I've seen in my life. Humans and youkai that judge.

I looked at the water at my feet, and the sun shining through the surface revealing the bottom with its bed of grey and white pebbles, and saw my reflection staring back at me. What I noticed right away were the aurburn eyes with flecks of bright gold deep in the surface, surrounding my pupil in the middle. Then the long bangs almost covering those eyes, and I blew them away- something I've been doing since I woke up one day and they were fighting with my eyelashes -but they still settled in the same spot. A lock of my pitch black hair stayed on my shoulder while the rest of it rested on my back, and my face glared at me. No women dressed the way I did, mostly because men usually wore the baggy haori that covered my upper body. The hakama I wore is part of a miko's uniform though, but they still hid the shapes of my hips and thighs. I'm not much to look at or ogle. Men pass by me and don't even look. I never expect to get noticed anyway, so it doesn't really bother me. Besides, things like that are childish! Vanity and self-consciousness are for poor little girls who have no purpose or destiny in life other than to get married and have children and do their husbands' dirty laundry. I swear that'll never happen to me. I just couldn't be treated like a servant to some man I'm way stronger than or wait hand and foot on another human being. And I could never fall in love. Gods…just the thought of it. Getting crazy and sighing over just a man. All of it's just sappy nonsense! What's the point of doing all that, sacrificing so much over one person in the world?

Its not like anyone would fall in love with me anyway. I don't make much of an impression from first glance, or look attractive. I don't try to either. Why should I even bother to do all that in order to find out what I already know? I'm a moster to humans and I don't even think about demons. So men wouldn't even dream of touching me in the first place.

My hands rise up to my haori and the fingertips grip the folds of the fabric. I watch myself slide it away from my chest so that I can see the bandages covering me. Pulling my arms out of the sleeves, I toss it to the side and reach between my breasts for the end of the strip and pull it out to unwind it from the top, more and more of my chest showing. The bare flesh of my cleavage is first, then the rest of it falls away as I move quick to show myself to my own eyes. It feels good to get rid of it, and I close my eyes to take a breath while the cold air hits my skin, then I look at my reflection in the water. My nipples sat in the dead center of my breasts, which gave them the look of a pair of swollen eyes. They rose from the cold. I never knew what the big deal of having nipples was, other than feeding children, or having breasts at all.

My hands reached down this time to undo the tie holding my hakama up, then from years of practice I pulled at a loose end and it was like a red curtain fell from the front of a theatre, showing the actors of the play and I imagined the people clapping at the sight of me naked. My eyes went almost automatically to that spot, that triangular forest of hair that matched the color of what sat on the top of my head. My hips framed it, like a work of art, and my legs were the pedestal it was put on. It was a priceless ugly jewel that men would drool over. I got tired of looking at myself and went in the water.

It was warm, and I wasn't surprised because the sun's light went through the trees and heated the water. I was glad, since I didn't really wanna take a cold bath on a cold morning. I breathed in and held my breath, then closed my eyes again and went under the water and it rushed in my ears, I felt the tranquil feeling of being alone and with my thoughts after months of bein around other people. I broke the surface, breathing new air in my lungs, and sighed. There wasn't even the sound of stupid chirping birds. Just…silence.

Water drops slithered across my wet face, and when I blinked, they flew off my eyelashes. My hair was heavier now, and plastered to my back; my bangs were pressed on my forehead, blocking my line of vision, so I reached up to push them back with my hands, but they just came back clumps of strands at a time, back to where they belonged, at least they weren't over my eyes anymore. I got some water in my palm and rubbed it over my arm, then my chest and cupped water in my other hand and did the same to my other arm. A group of large rocks separated the whole length of the lake into two small ponds, except for the absence of one that let people move freely between the opposite ends. I didn't pay any mind to it. When I got here, there was nobody, I didn't sense anyone, or hear anyone. I was alone.

I'm sixteen winters, close to becoming seventeen, and I haven't been close to a man. I recently thought about it, I'm sure all girls my age do. It's a natural thing, I guess. My situation doesn't really allow me to get to know anyone, and come to think of it, men don't even notice me, so that's out the window. Well, then again, I can't rule out Nii-san. I'm not so stupid that I haven't noticed the times when he looked at me that way that he usually doesn't, like hes studying me. And that blush. That traitor of his mind. He's done it so many times around me that I can hardly count each and every one. But that complicated mess of a problem is behind us, and we forgot our bodies for the time being, but I can't forget the tension that used to be between us before we talked it out. A endless, unspoken tension that would settle on us like the weight of the world. I have to admit, he is kinda good lookin…and there's not much wrong with me noticing that, but its not like I would ever tell him that to his face, no way in hell. I don't know if he's returned the favor on his end, the way he used to study me when we were younger up til now, I remember sensing his eyes studying me, and its weird but, I liked it. My heart would beat to the sound of drums when he did it, pounding in my chest with secret nervousness.

But, gods, I sound so freakin desperate! You know, I don't need so much attention. I don't need to have a man's eyes on me to feel like a girl because I don't think about it anyway, and y'know, I don't know what it is about the body that makes people stare at each other like that, with all that lust. I rubbed my hands over my stomach, across my thighs, then my breasts. I did it quick and without thinking, because I know that the chest, the rear and the flower are the most erotic parts of a woman, and I never felt comfortable touchin' on them for too long. Its weird, to touch those places, places a man would touch on a woman. And, like I said before, the body is separate from the mind and the soul, its just the thing I walk around in, so I shouldn't have to say its a part of me. But…I have to live in it for the rest of my life. Damn. Sometimes, I just wish I could throw it away, leave it to fend for itself, send it off on its own and be a single mind, a shapeless thing in the border between the living and the dead.

And other times, I think of it embracing itself, of knowing everything about it and just what makes it feel good.

Sex. I haven't even thought about it much, only by myself and even then I don't go too deep into it. It's a unspoken thing. I don't know much about it, just that its a word people don't talk about a lot, and involves a guy and a lady doing stuff. Of course my Oka-san told me of that "sacred moment" and yeah, I imagined it, but not all the time. My body heats up, the heat goes all over me, thinking about it. I looked up to the sky, I felt it again, but what was it? What was it moving my hands down to that so called sacred place, and made my finger brush touch it, my teeth clenching on my lip with the bolt of hot lightning going into my stomach? I closed my eyes and something inside me; It wasn't my hand and its fingers that mashed themselves on the flower and its bud-I couldn't help but make a sound, my other hand grabbed the edge of the lake, the leaves crackled in my clenched fist-what is this? Again, that warm feeling went over me when I did it again, it felt new and weird and hard to describe; my legs shivered and this time a small grunt, then another sound, was that my voice? More, I wanted more, I wanted to finish it, see what was that feeling that was building up and just as I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head-damn it. I heard a cough.

My heart thumped in my chest, my eyes flew open, the water splashed with me moving when I heard it. Someone else was here. What if they saw me? Of course they saw me! They saw me! They watched what I was doing! What I was doing, my face! I went in the water down to my chin. I'm naked... Who was it? Where were they? Someone else knew what I did. But they ain't gonna know for long. I'll kill them! Why didn't I notice earlier? I wasn't paying attention, I was stupid. I should have heard, smelled. Smell! Clear your head…concentrate on finding this guy, this filthy pervy…. I inhaled and picked up the scent of…a guy of course. Now where was this guy? I heard the water moving, his heavy breathin'. I couldn't just leave and let him get away with it! And I was so pissed off!-as soon as I found that he was on the other side of the lake, hiding like a coward behind those stupid boulders, I moved as fast as I could, making sure to keep my body well hidden, and when he heard me coming, he tried to escape, but I rounded the corner, made my way through the small gap where he had been spying on me and caught him before he could make a getaway.

"Who the hell are you? What are you doing here? What did you see-what the fuck is your problem you piece of-I'm gonna kill you!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, my hands flailin all over the place, clenching and unclenching into fists.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry but I didn't notice you there! Please, forgive me, just calm down, its not such a big deal!" he sputtered, his hands raised in front of him as protection.

Not A Big Deal? I wanted to tear his eyes out.

"WHAT? I'm gonna kill you, you stupid bastard!"

"NO, no, don't! I'm sorry! I said I didn't know you were here! I thought I was alone!"

"Well big fuckin' deal I thought I was here alone too asshole! And when did you realize you weren't alone? When you heard water splashing or when you spied on me-Why am I still talkin to you? I'm just gonna kill you, that's all, I'm gonna kill you!"

"Please! Hear me out, just stop, relax and listen to me, please! Don't get so upset, miss! I beg you to just-we really can't do this in this state, can we? I mean, we are both naked, have you even looked at me at least once before you decide to murder me?"

No, I hadn't taken the damn time to look at him. All I saw was water and skin and anger. I don't know what made me hesitate to wrap my hands around his neck, but I actually listened to him and my eyes rose up from just being limited to the surface of the water, slowly moving up, until I finally saw him.

He stood across from me, and since I was dipped into the lake to my chin, he stood over me. I hated him already. But something kept me from killing him right then and there. Maybe some thing I can't explain. His hair was pitch black like mine, shaggy and longer than average, clumps of strands stuck to his neck and forehead, close to those dark eyes, the same shade of his hair almost, if not a dark, dark brown. The sun stayed on his broad chest…he was strong, his arms raised in front of him were fit and the muscles in his upper arms stood out. In your face. Everything about him, this weirdo, was dark and something you could just as easy not notice, the way I didn't, but he still got attention. He asked for attention he didn't even want, I guess.

But that doesn't even matter! He spied on me! Naked! I noticed the fact that we were both naked, a guy and, well, me. In the same lake together. Only a little far apart. He was tall too, because he was standing and the water came up to only his bottom half, just barely even, since I could see the two muscles that were on either side of his waist that went straight for the spot where his business was.

I was quiet for too long lookin' at him, and he must have mistook it for me not wantin' to kill him so much anymore, because he lowered his guard just a little. He was wrong. Oh, I still wanted to kill him. Hell yeah, I did. But mostly I wanted to know who he was for some reason, too. And what he was doing there. Watching me. He spoke after I didn't.

"I got here earlier, you know. I wasn't trying to spy on you…" I didn't look at him while he was talking. "But, I must be honest. I heard someone else entering the water. So, in curiosity, I went and checked. And I saw you. And I was at a loss for words. I've never seen a woman so beautiful before."

I hated the blood that went to my face. What was he saying? My heart started beating fast, my body burned knowing his eyes saw it. And he said I was beautiful? Psht. Maybe to take my mind off the fact that he spied on me! He was trying to distract me of course! Spewing stupid lines.

"Cut the crap, you sick bastard. Just because you say that you expect me to fall at your feet and say, 'Oh, well that justifies everything if you call me beautiful!', you think that phases me? Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not so desperate for a man to look at me that I'll completely ignore the fact that he's a pervert so I can put into my head that maybe its actually because its true. You know, I don't even know why I'm sitting here talking to you when I should be beating the shit out of you." I mumbled, looking at any other thing than him.

He chuckled. All the hate I could muster went into the glare I gave him and it shut him up and dropped his stupid smile as quick as if a bolt of lightning had struck his face. Was this man who had just spied on me actually laughing at me too?

"I'm sorry. But well, I don't know, it seems unlikely that you can do anything right now, to me." I raised an eyebrow at him. A smirk broke free and ran renegade on his lips. He stepped back and raised up his arms on either side of him and said, "Alright then. Kill me."

This bastard had some nerve. He was making fun of me too? My fists clenched under the water, unseen. I didn't move from my spot though.

His eyes settled on mine. "Just so you know…in case you don't already…if you try to kill me, you're going to have to get closer than that. Much closer if I struggle. And there's a strong chance that at that level of invasion of personal space, our bodies…might more than brush together."

Damn him. I stayed where I was, my eyes slipping away from his.

"When I saw you, as you stepped into the water, my eyes couldn't help but soak in every detail of your body. Every aspect of it. I was astonished, because I truly believed I was seeing a woman I would never see ever again in my life." I could do nothing but listen to him. "And as you bathed yourself, I knew I was witnessing something special. Something timeless. I couldn't look away. I couldn't leave, I couldn't tear my eyes away for one second. And I knew it was worth it when I saw what happened next…"

I breathed hard and slow. I wanted to hurt him. Which is why I reached over to the edge of the pool where a rock sat, and threw it at his head. It was fast, but he was faster, and he caught it in front of him, before it even got close. And he did it so easily, like he knew I was gonna do it, like he knew my actions and he didn't even know my name.

"I can understand. That you're angry. That must have been your first time doing that…exploring yourself," he held the rock in his hand and looked at it. He smiled again. "I can see it, that fact about you. Its like you carry it on your chest. And a nice chest it is…"

I crossed my arms under the water and he noticed it with a sideways look. "Believe me, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You are well endowed, that's for sure." Again, I don't know why I stayed there, listenin' to him and his sexual innuendos. I guess I had nothing else better to do, and I wanted to put off the awkward moment where I would have to turn away and get out, because I doubted already that he would let up. So I stayed crouched in the water up to my chin half listening to him, this stranger who spied on me, and watching a tiny frog floating swim around like it didn't know where it was going.

"I can tell that you don't know yourself as well as you should. The way you let go, handled your body, you handled it like a tool. Your tool for sexual pleasure. Like you were just discovering something new. It was incredible to watch. You don't have to be ashamed of it. Afraid of it, of nakedness. I know I'm not. I happen to be very proud of myself, in the flesh, vulnerable. And you have no reason to be so demure. You contradict yourself. How can you be so modest about something you don't even care about? That's how you fascinate me, just now, right now, looking at you, here, you amaze me, confuse me. I'm glad to be standing here with you. Under these circumstances. Its perfect. Fate."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I spoke up, confused myself. Maybe this guy hit his head somewhere, trying to escape earlier. Wait, That's right…he tried to escape. So how could he be glad we're here like this if he was trying to run away not too long ago? "You're a liar. How can you say you're glad we're here, that its fate, when you were trying to run away when I found out you were spying on me?"

"I didn't think you would be so relaxed as you are now," he answered without hesitating, folding his arms too. "That's why you confuse me."

I stared at the frog. He was still, his arms and legs spread out like he was frozen that way, his small body bobbing in the waves of the water bouncing from our moving bodies. "You don't know me. You don't even know my name. So how can you assume all those things about me, that I'm afraid? Who the hell are you to identify me like that? You've got some nerve."

"Aren't I right? You confuse even yourself. Protecting something you don't even care about from view," he said, leaned into my line of vision and looked at me. I looked back, taking my attention away from the frog for a second to talk to him. "My view."

"Who are you?"

"I'm a man."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't have time for games. If he wanted to act like an idiot, I didn't wanna deal with it. I could just forget about him and go about my life.

"My name is Tsozen," he said, his voice was deep and playful. It was weird. I've only heard of foreigners with names like that, which made him even harder to figure out. Now that he told me his name, he was even more of a stranger.

I didn't give him my name, I didn't need to. I wasn't the one spying on him. He looked at me smiling. "I'm not telling you mine. I don't owe you anything." I said.

"Ah. I understand." The guy-Tsozen, nodded. Then he looked at me. "Well, if you asked me…"

"I didn't and I wouldn't."

"…if you asked me, I would say you owe yourself something."

I looked at him. "And whaddya think that is?"

"Finish what you started. Go ahead. I'll watch," he grinned, a slow grin, that showed his teeth. "Or if you want, I can close my eyes…it will be something just to hear you."

He made me want to throw up, this Tsozen, right after that. I tolerated the other crap, but this was enough. "I'm leaving." I said out loud, moving farther more away from him.

"So you're going to deny yourself that pleasure?" he laughed. "I've never heard of a woman teasing herself. Or would you rather I did it for you?"

I turned away from him and walked through the water to the edge of the lake. Looking over my shoulder, I saw him standing there, his arms folded, that stupid smirk. "I said, I'm getting out. I'm leaving."

"I heard you," he said.

I couldn't believe this. It was crazy, a game, and I was getting tired of it, quick. Who the hell is this Tsozen and who did he think he was? My interest, any that I had in him out of my will for that matter, started slipping away. I never met anyone like him and after this, I don't think I want to ever again.

"So turn around or close your eyes or somethin'." I sighed.

He moved to my right behind me, still far, and leaned on the bank of the lake. "No. I won't. I'm going to sit here and watch you this entire time. And since you're so hell-bent on protecting the modesty of a body that you care nothing about, I'm positive that you'll just move away from there and continue talking to me. You'll even refrain from doing something you want to do all for the sake of your fear. I've figured you out already."

So he thought he had me figured out, after he just met me and didn't even know my name he thought he knew me. Well, he didn't. I admit, while I was standin' there, he was right, I wasn't gonna just walk out, even though I didn't really care about my body I wasn't gonna just be naked in front of strange guys. And I couldn't beat the shit out of him, we were both naked so it would be hard to do it without…things…touching each other.

I hated him already. In the end, I hated him because he was right. But I didn't wanna admit it; I mean, who was he? Where did he come from and how did he figure me out so easy? Was I that much of a open-scroll to the world or something? Or was it just him that knew, that saw it, saw into me, a me that I had trained for years to be completely solid? I didn't wanna admit that he figured me out, that someone did, and a stranger that I just met for that matter.

I turned away, with my back facing him, at the other end of the lake, and didn't say anything.

"Listen. I want to talk to you…" he trailed off, waiting for me to give him my name, and I still didn't. If he knew so much about me, he could figure out my name on his own too. "I've never met anyone like you before, and I'm sorry I had to intrude on your privacy, and its clear I've touched a nerve telling you what I think about you, and I know I'm right; that must be very hard to take in but…I can't help it, you fascinate me, the way no other woman has been able to, in this short amount of time.

"I've never felt so attracted to someone the way I am to you."

I rolled my eyes. What a horrible speech to win me over, and/or humiliate me even more. I don't know what he expected me to do in response to all that bullshit diarrhea of the mouth, but all I know is that I gave a completely different one from what he was waiting for.

"Whatever."

"You don't think anyone could be interested in you the way I am?" His voice rang out. "You think I'm just lying to you for some reason?"

"I think," I said, leaning against the bank and playing with a blade of grass sticking out from between two rocks, "that you think, that I must be stupid."

In a split second, I felt his breath against the back of my neck. I have no idea how I didn't hear him move towards me, or sense it; was I that distracted by a piece of grass? Or if it was the fact that he distracted me, he melted my senses, he made my breath catch in my throat while he whispered, our bodies so close beneath the water that I felt the heat coming from his skin through the water.

"I think you don't want to admit that you feel the same…" he mumbled.

I gasped, then spun around to find him right in front of me, grinning like a fool. Well, not a fool, exactly… He placed his hands on either side of me against the bank, trapping me. "Am I intimidating you?"

Yes, a cocky fool, that's what he was. I looked up at him and frowned. Who is this guy? I didn't want to let him know that my heartbeat had sped up in the short amount of time that he stood there, over me, or that I was feeling things I couldn't describe-nervousness, anxiety, a strange feeling to grab him and press him against me to see just what it was that made us to be that way…how was he making me think these thoughts, feel these feelings? He was a stranger, someone I don't even know, and I couldn't deny that out of anyone that I've known in my whole life it was only for him that I had the want to explore myself in. Why? I don't know. Maybe the fact that I didn't know him. And maybe that excited me, somehow. Or maybe the fact that out of everyone I've ever known, he could intimidate me-I can't tell a lie to myself-and know he was doing it, but not throw it in my face. He was using it as a tool. But still, it was hard to believe that out of any woman in the world, that I realized he could get easy, why he wanted me was the ultimate question in my mind.

"No…" I answered, backing away from him as far as possible. I didn't understand what I felt at the moment.

"Are you sure of that?" Tsozen whispered, leaning closer to me. His eyes stared into mine with an intensity of pitch black darkness I can't even describe. "I think…you might want to rethink your answer."

Why would he intimidate me? Didn't I say just earlier that I thought of my body like a tool? Why should I care if he was close to it, barely touching it with his? He was forcing me, no, helping me to find out something. Maybe it wasn't a burden, this body I've got. Maybe it's a part of me, like two halves of a whole thing, mind and body, maybe they're not supposed to be separated, but together, like harmony.

"What do you want from me?"

My question hung in the hot air around us after it left from my mouth on its own. He stared at me, then licked his lips. Seeing the tip of his tongue swivel across them made my stomach burn with some heat I can't explain with just regular words. But still, I didn't know what it was.

He parted his lips, and I looked into his eyes while he said, "Nothing."

My mouth was bone dry when I opened it and blurted out, "I've never been this close to a man before. 'Specially one I don't even know…"

Still lookin' at me, he said, "I know."

I raised my eyebrow at him, I didn't even do it on purpose, I think, and he smiled. "It's just something that's evident, in the way you're handling all this. I can sense it. But any other man would be able to notice, how pure a woman is, just by instinct, feeling."

"How come you're doin' this, exactly?" I asked. I just had to know his reason for doing this, I mean, men don't just meet random women and tell them things about themselves, watch them…well, men do do that…but I didn't understand why he was doing this with me, out of all women.

Tsozen thought about his words, I know by the way he took his eyes off me for a moment to look up at the sky, then back to me. "Because I can't rid myself of the feeling that the two of us ending up in this lake together, in this circumstance, while you were discovering yourself, is no coincidence. I believe, I was placed here, by fate, to assist you with that…"

"More nonsense words?"

"No. More truth words."

"Fine. Now back off." I said, glaring at him.

He only grinned more. "What's wrong now? I thought…I wasn't intimidating you like this." And he brought his arms closer around me.

He was a little attractive before, but now he was just pissing me off. Did he think I was that easy that he could just pin me against something and have me shivering like some trapped cat, naked at that? Even though he knew things about me, he didn't know me.

"I said….Move."

I glared at him and he dropped his act and backed up. Tsozen laughed, and that surprised me. "Ok. You can have it your way for now. I'm assuming you want to get out now, get dressed. We can't really get to know each other fully under these circumstances. I'm fine with it, I doubt I'll get much out of you, while we're both, you know, naked."

He put his arms behind his back. Well, I had nothing else better to do, I guess. I watched him for a moment while he closed his eyes and stood there, and I knew he was just givin' me the time to look him over, the cocky jackass. I felt an attraction to him, I can't lie. This Tsozen wanted to play a game. I'm not one for em, but I wanted to know him more, since he already knew so much about me. I was gonna be playing a game on him anyway. And, well, again, I gotta admit, the idea of playing a game with this weird stranger was kinda exciting.

But still, I didn't trust that half-closed eye thing for a second, which is why I reached over to grab my sash from the side of the lake where all my clothes were, and threw it to him. He caught it easy. Either he was faking or he sensed it coming while his eyes were closed. I'm not an idiot.

"What's this for?" he asked, examining it.

"To cover your eyes, you pervert."

"I had them closed already."

"Yeah, I'm not an idiot." I repeated out loud. "If you know so much about me you should at least know that much."

Tsozen smiled again, showing a row of perfect teeth while he tied my sash over his eyes and around his head. "Whatever you say. It'll be a pleasure just hearing you get out and dress yourself."

After making sure he really couldn't see, I inched my way out the water, my back to him the entire time. He still stood there, smiling while I half-assed binding my breasts up and threw my clothes on, just trying to get covered before he tried anything slick. I needed my sash back to tie my haori and hakama up.

"Hey. I need that back now." I called to him.

He tilted his head at a angle to find out where I was and untied the sash from his head and tossed it to me. He watched me while I tied it at my waist. "Done?" he asked, lookin' up at me. He moved through the water to the side of the bank I was standing at. "Can I come out now?"

"Sure, let me just-"

"No, you don't have to do anything. Just needed the ok."

And just like that, before I could even say another word, he pulled himself out the water and stood in front of me, completely and basically, naked as the day he was born. My jaw dropped. He stood, just looking at me with that stupid smirk on his face and all I could think was, _Naked man, naked Tsozen, naked, he's naked, he's naked… _His chest, looking like it was cut from stone, his whole body like it was carved from marble, drops of water ran down his arms and raced down his stomach and didn't even stop at his… my eyes stopped there. There. It was. I don't know what made my attention go straight to that part of his body, that…thing, maybe just pure instinct, I mean, that is the reproductive organ right? And males and females, both have 'em, and we were all put on this earth to reproduce, its in our instinct. But I'm pretty sure my eyes stayed there too long. But it was just…a lot to take in. A lot to take in. Well, his thing, well, it was just there, but, it was raised up a bit, it wasn't just dangling there, but it wasn't in mid air, it was-I think it moved. It was strange and a little bit disgusting, or just abnormal looking, it just looked that way, but still, despite all that, I couldn't take my eyes off it. I was fascinated somehow. It just looked like the most naked part of his body, the skin on it looked so thin, and at the end of it, it was just as weird looking as the rest. And then the things hanging under it, like a sack, it was all just very awkward looking.

"Enjoying the view?"

His voice snapped me back to reality and I felt my face burn. I looked in his eyes that had just a little spark in them, and frowned. How could he just do that? What did he take me for? Did he think he could just show his body to me and his-stuff, and do something as disgusting and stupid as that and just expect me to be ok with it? Like I wanted to see it? Just the fact that he had the nerve to do something so stupid! I didn't feel bad at all when I pushed him back into that lake.

Water splashed everywhere with his body smacking the surface and sinking underneath for a while before coming back up again.

"What was that for?" he shouted, still with that stupid smirk.

"Shut the hell up! You act like you even have the right to ask, like you even have to ask at all! What the fuck was that about? What the hell do you take me for? I'm not in the least bit interested in you flashing me!"

He blinked water out of his eyes and laughed. "I'm sorry, I told you, I'm comfortable with my own body." Tsozen ran his hair back with his fingers. "Hopefully after we get to know each other, you'll flash me sometime."

I rolled my eyes. Why did I put up with this? I don't know, just curiosity I guess. He was getting ready to come out again, doing the exact same thing without any shame at all. I gave him a look and he froze. "Right… you don't want to see me that way. Well, are you going to turn away?"

No, I wanted to play the game. "I'm just gonna go." And with that said, I looked at him one more time, and saw that he knew that the game was starting. Why was I playing a game with a complete stranger again? Same answer, no clue. I only knew that he made me feel things I've never felt before in my entire life, and I was interested in what else this pervert could make me feel. And besides, he wasn't ordinary. He knew about me. He told good lies.

I started walking away and heard him get out of the water and start getting dressed. My face got hot. But why? I was attracted to him. And what is attraction? What I used to feel with Nii-san? No, this one was a little more different, a little more, older. How can I say it? Its more…mature. I'm sixteen winters and I've never had a man look at me the way he did. Or make me feel what he made me feel. I don't know what this is…but I guess I like it, in a way. My feet came down on the dry grass and leaves on the ground with every step I took, and I knew he was following me after a while because I heard the same soft crunching sounds I was making by walking, behind me. They got faster until he was walking next to me.

I didn't look at him, then all of a sudden, he stopped in front of me, blocking my way. He was dressed, thank the gods, in a faded black kimono with a black sash wrapped around his waist, the sleeves were cut off and it looked loose and pretty ragged. Strength was written on the left side of the chest in white ink.

"Tell me your name," he smiled.

"Why?"

"Because I told you mine. It's only fair."

I rolled my eyes, maneuvered around him and kept walking. He kept walking beside me. "Why are you following me?"

He laughed. "You're not making this easy. If we're going to get to know each other, you're going to have to tell me your name."

In a way, he was kinda right. Well, mostly right. "My name is Kikyou." I said, keeping my eyes on the edge of the woods.

"Kikyou…" he said to himself. "That's a beautiful name."

"Yeah, whatever." I said.

I heard him chuckle underneath his breath. "Why can't you just take a compliment, Kikyou?"

"Maybe because I don't want your stupid compliments."

We were in the fields now, and he was still keeping by my side, the bastard didn't let up. I tried to walk faster but he matched my speed. "Well, tell me about yourself. I want to know as much as possible about you," he said.

I didn't say anything.

"By any chance, are you named after the great miko Kikyou-sama of legend? The miko who helped defeat the evil Naraku years and years ago?"

The scenery changed to the village and I stopped at the side of a run down hut, turned around and laid my back against it. He wasn't gonna let up. I shrugged and said, "Yeah, what's it to ya."

"I've admired that woman for as long as I can remember. That whole story, the battle she willingly threw herself into for the future of humanity, helping to defeat the hanyou Naraku, and the brave few that actually accomplished that feat…I remember falling asleep to that tale while my father told it to me."

I didn't pay attention to a word Tsozen said because I had my eye on Nii-san standing in front of the Oji-san's hut where everybody else was and the look on his face. I followed his stare to this girl holding a piece of bread and talking to some merchant guy. He was staring at her, and the way he was…like his eyes were hanging on her like, fur on a dog. What the hell? Who is that girl and why is he looking at her like that? Why don't I know what's goin' on? I go for maybe a moment and I'm already outta the loop? I was about to call the idiot but then he just took off and when I looked to see the girl, she was already gone in the same direction that bastard was going in.

What's going on…? I looked back up at Tsozen. Maybe we need some time to ourselves I guess. My life doesn't revolve around that bouzou, we can't always be around each other all the time. I wanted freedom right? I have it now. What are you gonna do with it Kikyou?

"…brings you here?"

"Huh?" He had his eyes on me when I said that. Sorry pal, you completely lost me.

He smiled that weird smile and leaned his back against the hut behind him so that we were facing each other in the alleyway, not so far apart. "I asked, and what brings you here, Kikyou-chan?"

"None of your damn business," I said, quick. There was something about his speech, the way he talked, like his words were all broken up and it was hard to really know just what the hell he was saying. Too suspicious for me.

He laughed a little and said, "Well, I guess I can tell you about myself before we get to the more serious conversation concerning you. I don't have a whole life story to bore you with, don't worry, I'll just get to the point. I can tell you don't like waiting and patience isn't exactly your virtue.

"I am nineteen winters, I come from the Ryukyu islands, I was a well-rounded apprentice swordsman, I wanted to become a samurai…" he faded off and looked down at the ground for the first time instead of at me. It was a little weird, but not so much, well, I mean, I just met this guy and already he was telling me his life story and getting all emotional with me, that was the weird part. But at the same time it was kinda like I wanted to know about why he all of a sudden went all meek and quiet from being the bold guy I'm used to.

"But, I am currently learning a new stylized form of close combat, not the way of the ninja, but something more open fist, as you might say, an art form of fighting. A deal of strength and force as well as technique, a brutal style of combat that does not require a weapon or anything but relies solely on the strength of the individual and their 'chi'. My teacher is unsure of what to call it yet. But, well, you can say, I'm on a journey for redemption. I watched my father die at the hands of penniless thieves. Back then, I wasn't strong enough to avenge him…but now, I've been training to be stronger."

Tsozen looked up at me and in those eyes, dark like the ocean at night, I saw something like a drive, a deep down motivation thing. It was weird, but not weird.

"I'm kinda on a journey too," I said. "Me and my parents have been lookin' for this demon. Its kinda like my namesake, fighting demons. You know that story you were telling me about, the whole Naraku story, and the 'brave few' that killed him?"

Tsozen nodded. "Well, my Oto-san was one of those brave people. And my Oka-san. And the others are my friends. One of 'em is my Oji-san, but I don't see him so much."

I looked at the guy and his eyebrows were raised up. "So, you're the daughter of the hanyou Inuyasha-sama? Great demon of the East? And the Great miko Kagome-sama? You were named after-"

"Yeah, miko Kikyou. I know, I know, throw a party. But just when we thought we were gonna get some damn piece and quiet, this new guy shows up and makes us get off our asses and try and find him before he kills all you guys."

He didn't look like he got what I said.

"Regular humans."

"I see."

It was kinda cool, to stand there in that dark alley with this guy that I could actually talk to, somebody that wasn't Nii-san for a change. I felt like it was just us in the whole village. Maybe in this whole place. And I didn't mind much if it was. The more I looked at him and felt that feeling of just some kinda connection we have, the more I wanted to talk to him.

"So, you don't really get much time to talk to people. Socialize. Be a normal woman your age. Have relationships," he stood up and moved closer to me. The air got stuffy from him closing up all the distance that was between us. I heard all the people on the main streets running errands and talking, all the noise while we were there and nobody knew. We were alone somehow. I looked up at him and felt my heart beating fast. He made me nervous.

"Well, yeah," I mumbled.

"Maybe you can start now. Kikyou-chan. That's if you're willing. My interest in you is incredibly powerful, so much so that I can't exactly ignore it. You attract me like a moth to the flame…and that flame is all too enticing," he stared right in my eyes when he said it. My hands started sweating. I just don't get why I'm feeling all this stuff. I don't get what it all means. That's why I hate my body so damn much. It does stuff I don't understand.

His hand brushed up against mines, his fingers touched the palm of my hand and then I felt his hand holding mine.

"Your palms are sweating," he smiled at me and said.

"I've never really done any of this before…" I don't know how he turned me so meek either. This isn't me, I'm not this nervous, mousy little filly, I'm a damn warrior, I'm strong. Why does he make me feel so weak…?

He pulled me towards leaving the little alley. "Come, I want to get to know you with a little more scenery around us."

It was like we were under a rock or something how loud all the noise sounded once we left from where we were, like we were in some dark place with no noise and the sun just came out of nowhere and a bunch of people were everywhere, buying stuff, running errands and talking, walking all over the place. I'm wondering why there's all this stuff goin' on, like the emperor's comin' to town or some crap. But I just kept on following Tsozen. Every now and then he'd look back at me and smile or something, or just look at me to make sure I was still there. I don't have any clue where we were goin', but I didn't really care so much. I just wanted to sit down kinda, just somewhere quiet, where people wouldn't fucking stare at me.

Tsozen didn't ask about my bloodline, if I was somewhat a youkai, that I had that blood in me. Maybe because he already put two and two together with my Oka-san and Oto-san. But, still, he never looked at me the way everybody else looks at me. Not once. The kind of look he gave me, it wasn't a weird or judging one, it was like he didn't care about me being part youkai. It was like he just saw me, for me. It was the same as Nii-san's look, like Miroku and Sango's look, but then it was even different from that. There was that flame that he told me about, it was right there in his eyes. And it made me freeze up for some reason, if that even makes any sense.

We walked through maybe billions of people, some of em stared at us while we walked by, but most of em were just goin crazy, talking and talking, arguing, running around like chickens with their heads cut off. I really wanted to know what the hell was goin on, but I just kinda focused on Tsozen's hand holding mine. He didn't let go, not even for a moment, and I realized that I'd never even held any guy's hand for that long either. His was bigger than mine, but just as rough, we'd both been through it. By the time I looked up again I didn't smell the musk of people around but forest, trees and underbrush. We were at the base of a mountainside.

Damn…how long had we been walking and why don't I remember any of it?

"Its somewhat steep here," he said, looking at me and letting my hand slip out of his. "Would you like me to get you up there?"

He had turned around and held his hands cupped behind his back like I was supposed to submit to getting carried. I laughed. "You probably won't be able to keep up with me."

"Ah, that's a challenge I hear. I don't like losing," he said, and he had a glint in his eye that I knew would manage to give me some kinda competition. He didn't have any youkai blood. But sometimes humans can do something, like Sango, Miroku and Nii-san. I'd have to see.

"Yeah, so what're ya waitin for?" I jumped up as far as I could go and when my foot touched down on the edge of a path on the side of the mountain I knew he would never be able to just climb all that and get up here. So much for that. I kept up my pace, skidding up the side, grass and leaves getting broken up under my feet, I heard twigs being crushed, the wind rushing through my ears and I was so concentrated on getting ahead that I forgot that I didn't even know where the hell the stopping point was.

And to top matters off, I sensed Tsozen. Where, I couldn't make it out, but he was close. And how the hell did he manage that? I glanced around quick, my left, my right, I saw a bear look up at me. Trees, trees and more trees. But then I noticed the shadow inside the trees, jumping off the branches like some kinda ninja. That was him, and he was gaining fast. I tried to pick up the pace even more to lose him and jump over to a high ledge where a bunch of thorns were that surprised the shit out of me when I didn't make it high enough and I grabbed on them instead.

"Shit!" I shouted, and I let go like an idiot, then I was falling. I was gonna break the fall and land on my feet of course, it woulda hurt my joints a little, because the ground was real far down, but I was prepared for it. But Tsozen's arms curling around me and holding me close to him made me not have to worry about that and he made a sorta not so good landing in some place. He stumbled when his feet connected with the ground and I just stepped back to let him gain his balance. He was sweating, but his breathing was normal. I didn't really worry about that though, I was more concentrated on the fact that I wasn't strong enough to make that ledge and I ended up falling like a fool instead.

He came up to me and asked, "Are you ok?"

I looked at my hand and saw the blood pooling in my palm. I was mad. And weak. The blood was just mocking me. What was a game was now some show to let everyone in the world see how weak Kikyou really is. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"No, you're not, well, not for right now. Let me take a look at that," he took my hand before I could say anything and looked at it. I just glanced around while he did and noticed a ragged shack hidden by some trees not far from where we were standing which I couldn't figure who might live in a rundown place like that. But the outside was alright, alota green everywhere, just leaves and stuff, grass underneath our feet, me barefoot and him wearing geta. He wiped the blood away with his fingers and before I could object to anything I felt his mouth closing on my hand and his tongue against my skin.

"Hey! What the hell?" I shouted out, snatching my hand back. "What's your problem?"

He smiled. "I know all the poisonous plants in this region. You just happened to grab onto the most deadliest. If you just stand there screaming at me, that poison will continue traveling through your system until you die, Kikyou-san. So its best you immediately suck the poison out."

"I can do that myself," I told him, walking over to the left of the clearing and sitting in the grass. I looked at where his mouth had been and thought of how it had felt just then, the warmth of his mouth and the feeling of the wetness of his tongue and all. I pushed the thought out my head and just did what he was doing earlier, trying to ignore the fact that I had my mouth in the same spot where he had his just a while ago.

He didn't say anything and just walked over, one foot in front of the other to where I was sitting and sat down hard next to me. His legs were stretched out in front of him, and I could feel his eyes watching me, but I didn't look back at him. It was quiet all around us. He turned his body to me.

"You have to keep at it for a while," he said out of nowhere, "I'll tell you when."

I didn't really listen to him, I kept replaying that stupid screwup in my head over and over again, the pain I got from those stupid thorns, me letting go instead of just getting over it and going on, it stopped me and stomped all over me and defeated me. A couple of fuckin thorns. And on top of it all, he had to be a hero and save me. Somebody always saving me, trying to protect me when I don't need any fucking protection, I can defend myself, I can save myself, I don't need anyone, not you, Tsozen, not anybody. This was supposed to be a day for me, myself, me getting to know myself not some weird guy from some islands, just me damn it. And I don't need you staring at me and making me remember how you had to save me because I'm so weak. I don't need saving!

"You can stop now, Kikyou-san."

I tore off a strip of fabric from my haori and tied it around my hand, then stood up and just froze because I didn't even know where to go, I just didn't wanna be sitting there with him staring at me. But he still did it, still stretched out there, looking up at me before he stood up too.

I thanked the gods when he finally spit something out. "I live there, in that hut. I've been in these mountains for months, mostly training, getting to know the terrain. Watching for poisonous plants."

He tried to say it offhandedly, mockin me. I didn't appreciate it. And he noticed so he smiled that dumbass smile again and asked me to follow him in. I didn't say anything and followed him across the clearing, the grass was soft on my feet, and when we walked inside the place it smelled good, like wood and cedar. I really like the smell of the forests, and he was pretty lucky to have his whole damn place smelling like it. The wood he used to build was dark, but he did an alright job, there was a square of dirt cut in and a pot hanging over it, two sticks holding it up by the sides, burnt ashes under it where he had a fire before to cook his meals. There was a futon at one end of the house and at the other end there was a high platform connected to the wall where swords, knives, katana and other stuff laid. I went over to it and picked up the katana, unsheathed it to see the light glint off the blade, then moved everything aside so I could jump up and sit on the edge of the thing.

"Forgive me for the ramshackle of it all…I'm just not one for comfort, just bare necessity," he said, making his way to where I sat and standing in front of me, leaning his hands on either side of my body and looking right in my eyes. He was gonna kiss me. I swallowed and tried to look away from him but it was one of the hardest things I had to do, I mean, he was standing right there. I wasn't ready…I clenched the edges of the wood. But he didn't do anything, just stood there and smiled at me.

"You have no problem going with some strange man up in the mountains by yourself and being alone in this hut with me," he mumbled.

"Yeah well, I could kick your ass easy. I'm not some helpless little filly. If you tried something, I'd kill you instead of screaming my head off like some lunatic. And besides, you don't have the balls to do something so stupid, write up your own death sentence."

He chuckled but kept his eyes on me. "You're right…you're unlike any other woman I've known. Stronger, more confident in your strength and yourself. Right?"

I didn't say anything. "Talk to me, Kikyou-chan. That is what we're here for. What I'm here in front of you, for. Someone you don't know who you can tell everything to and not have the fear of seeing me again after this night, just as harmless as if you told all this to a frog."

He reached down and put his hands on my ankles. I took in a breath and stil kept my mouth shut while he moved his hands up slow, lifting up my hakama while he went, until the whole bottom half of my legs were out and his hands were on my knees. My breathing picked up.

"Relax…" he breathed out, calm and quiet. I just swallowed again and looked down at his hands. I was afraid to look at him in the eyes. The feeling in the bottom of my stomach came back again, stronger, and my skin heated up. I was blushing. He didn't say anything about it. "You were pushing yourself out there. Do you normally do that?"

"Yeah, everyday I have to fight for my life, well, almost everyday. I have to push myself, be strong, everyday. Just like everyone else in my group," I wasn't afraid to answer that, I mean, I was telling him something that wasn't that bad to say. It was the truth anyway.

"And what happens if you're not strong enough, when you reach your limit?"

"Theres no such thing as a limit. You're only as strong as you let yourself be. If your body is weak, you're weak. It was just weakness, I'm-"

I stopped before I could let it slip out. Not in front of him, not in front of anyone. Not now. "You're not weak. You're just you. Everyone falls Kikyou-chan. Everyone loses at least one fight. Everyone dies one day, and loses the fight of life. Everyday we're fighting. Sometimes, we win, sometimes we lose. The measure of a warrior is not in how many times he falls, but how many times he stands up."

"You don't know what its like for me, damn it, you've just met me, you don't know."

I felt his hands move past my knees, sliding on my skin until he stopped at my thighs.

"You don't know."

"Know what?"

"About me, my life, all the shit I've been through."

"What've you been through.."

I smiled a smile that wasn't really that, happy. More like, bitter. What could I say? I've hated myself only because everyone else hates me? That I've wondered why I was even born, what I was born for, to live a life of just being laughed at and teased, mocked for just being born as what I am, part youkai, part human, a monster of a kid. Just some little girl wanting friends other than the same kid she's seen everyday of her life. Not knowing anything about how evil and fucked up people are, in the end, I had to find out the hard way, being alone, always alone in this, this life, no one else like me to understand it all, just wanting to know why, why…

Damn it. A tear welled up in my right eye and when I tried to blink it away it rolled down my cheek. "See?" I laughed, "I'm weak."

And scared.

Tsozen's hand went away from my thigh to wipe away the tear. He looked at me, trying to get me to look back. But I didn't. I stared at a leaf on the floor that had blown in with the wind. It was quiet.

"Maybe that's why I'm not so comfortable in my body. Because I hate it. I hate the blood in it, I hate these eyes, this hair, everything. Somedays I've just thought of bein a soul, y'know, just a soul, no body, no nothing, just me, Kikyou, and maybe, maybe everyone would see me better that way, the real me, past all the bloodlines and mixed-breed bullshit, just me," I just let it all pour out of me, it was better to talk than to stay quiet and let the tears speak for me, "I just always wanted someone there who showed me, instead of just showing me some kinda comfort and saying its gonna be okay, just showing me to love who I am, to like me, to just-"

Tsozen was stroking my hair now, watching my every move, his other hand still on my thigh, but I didn't care, I didn't care anymore, I just wanted so much from everybody, from myself.

"I just don't know anymore…" I said, and he leaned toward me and pressed his lips on my cheek, then on my lips, and I just closed my eyes and sat there and let him show me, let Tsozen, this stranger from the Ryukyu islands, who wanted to be a samurai, teach me.

I felt his tongue, the same tongue I felt on my palm, sliding over my lips, pushing until it found a way into my mouth and I felt a feeling I've never felt before, between my legs, a dampness that I thought was urine, but it stayed there, just in the spot where my flower is, a warm feeling, like hot lightning, but moving slow. His tongue kept moving against mine in some kind of rhythm, and I wanted it to keep going, his hands moved up to my breasts, he rubbed them and I felt like dying, he put a hand on my lower back and pulled me closer to him and I felt something else, something hard poking me in my thigh, and his mouth went to my neck, kissing and sucking me there like he did my hand and I just let a quick moan out. This was what I didn't know before, this was the feeling, and he told me, while we kept kissing and touching, his hand slid up the inside of my thigh and I knew it then, I reached up and moved my hands over his chest and saw markings there. I stopped and stared at it, it looked almost like a dragon's tail, in an arc, I opened his lapel up more to see his whole chest and it was a dragon, in a circle, with symbols all around, and he stood still there while I looked.

My eyes went to his and we both stared at each other for a long time, and the look in his eyes was something like mine, I knew it had to be, and just then I realized that both of us had a life harder than most.

He kissed me again, and held me close to him. "This body," he breathed out in my ear, "is nothing to be ashamed of, or anything to hate…it's a song, of strength, of yearning, of ability, of pain, of triumph, of everything that makes the perfect woman. The strength of a tiger and the timidity of a bird, everything is as it should be, Kikyou-chan…"

The way his hand ran up my leg, the deepness of his voice, the darkness in his eyes, I knew he meant every word, it wasn't like earlier when we were in that lake when he was flashing that smile, the look he gave me, the way his eyes looked over my whole body, the way he handled it, the way he looked in my eyes, I just knew it, deep down, that he was looking into me and staring at my soul. And my soul was staring right back at him.

"Tell me what happened to you," I whispered between us kissing.

"They cursed me, they killed my father," he kissed me again, "and they used me as a sacrifice for power, they worshipped this dragon, they made me lie there, just a boy, lie there and they offered me to this statue, this dragon Shun'ei, and I thought it would kill me, I was unconscious there for days, they left me there to die.

"But I awoke," while he told me this he kept touching me, kissing me, breathing hard and trying to tell his story at the same time, "with these markings on my chest, Shun'ei branded me, it owns me, it fuels my resentment, my revenge and I can't rest or stop until I receive it, so I'm always fighting, always searching, for those people who did this to me, to my life…"

Finally, he stopped and laid his forehead against mine and we both stayed there, struggling to catch our breath, spent, exhausted.

My whole body felt like it was floating around the room, like it was everywhere and in that one spot at the same time, and that was the moment I wanted, for my soul and my body to be the same, and Tsozen made that happen. I was me, and he saw me for what I am, weak, afraid, strong, hurt, confused, nervous, he saw it all and put his arms around me and held my body in his hands and treated my mind and my body like the most amazing things he would ever see in his life…and I just wanted that night to last forever.

**A/N: **Yes, I recently had the urge to just finish up this chapter, partly because I didn't feel like breaking my brain to work on a certain short story I've been forcing myself to complete. As you may already know, this was a chapter exploring Kikyou and her insecurities, which don't get much air time because she is always too adamant to address them, I took the time to pick her brain for this very rewarding chapter. The outright sexuality of it all may be slightly disturbing, i.e., her "looseness" at allowing some man she has just met to get so far, but this was really a chapter that was more spiritually inclined, it flows like water, its something natural, two people bonding, human beings are attuned to each other, society is the only foolish barrier that separates us from doing what our hearts and minds call out for us to do. Kikyou was let free to reign in her cloistered sensuality, something that young teenage women struggle with when they don't develop as quickly as others. I wanted to just allow Kikyou-chan to be a normal teenage girl, a normal human being, and for you all to witness such an intimate thing.


	10. Farewells

**Disclaimer: **theworldsgreatest01 does not own and is not affiliated with Shogakukan's merchandise, nor does theworldsgreatest01 lay claim to any of Rumiko Takahashi's masterpieces.

**Author's Note: **Enjoy this ramshackle installment, it isn't very well put together, but still, it is a chapter advancing the story.

**Chapter Ten: Lilies and Farewells**

**... ...**

Something inside me flourished, and I owe that to Sayuri's frequent watering of my soul to bring forth the flowering of emotion, its petals brushing against the sides of my heart. I've never felt this way before for anyone and the feeling is so…strange and new to me. All my life until now, never have I been so drawn to a woman as Sayuri draws me to her. For the time being, I have forgotten completely about our journey and I find myself only thinking of today, what Sayuri and I will do together, her smile and the way she fluidly navigates through the village and the warmth of it all, the familiarity, her eyes and her captivating voice.

This is what normality is like, stability, a normal life. Sayuri glanced at me, catching me surrounded by thoughts. "What are you thinking about Kohaku-san?"

As much as I wanted to tell her; I wanted to tell her everything, every doubt, every thought, I didn't want to spoil the moment with a harsh reminder of reality. My reality. "Nothing. I was merely…I-I don't know. Forgive me. What were you saying?"

Her smile was like a beacon of light, drawing me out from the darkness of that reality and bringing me back to the present, the now where I wished to waste the days away while I observed her cooking for me, the nervousness in her movements adding character to the mechanics of it all, the first meal that she decided to make just for me under the bashful pretext of allowing me to try her food just to offer her feedback, as she put it. But we both knew the real reason and our blushes were almost the same in color and I didn't really know what to say while I watched.

We both sat on the floor of the hut, alone. My parents, Inuyasha and Kagome were all preparing for our departure-something I didn't want to think about until it was time. Chichi-ue pulled me aside earlier this morning while everyone was gorging themselves on the free breakfast and informed me of everything that was to take place. We entered the room provided for the men and he carefully pulled the shouji shut behind us and the snap that resounded in my ears only startled me, what with my uneasiness with the sudden private talk Chichi-ue requested of me. Whatever it was I knew I wouldn't like it.

"Kohaku, you knew when we entered this village that we were only passing through. And I hope you haven't forgotten that these past days we've recuperated here. I know you've developed relationships…and I am glad that you have," he placed a hand on my shoulder and applied a pressure that I suppose was meant to comfort me, "but you must remember that your life at this moment, isn't perfect. And there is no room for thoughts of settling somewhere as of yet."

A sigh escaped me without me being able to stop it and I averted my eyes to the floor so that Chichi-ue wouldn't see the disappointment in my eyes. It was important that I was strong on this journey, this is one of the many things asked of me by Haha-ue and Chichi-ue. I cant afford to show it, that I haven't been thinking about the journey at all, that Maburoshi had completely slipped my mind and the fate of I, Imoutou-chan and the rest of this world was the farthest from a mind that had become filled with Sayuri.

"I understand. Chichi-ue," I said, forcing the words from my mouth.

I knew already that he detected the sadness in my voice, he's known it since birth after all, no matter how its changed in pitch, he still knows it as good as Haha-ue. There was no way that I could manage to hide it from him, as much as I tried.

"I know it isn't fair to you at the moment, but you must realize that you are a man, not a child any longer. You must prioritize, and take responsibility for what you must. I was in your position as well-"

"But at least you got to travel with the woman you loved, you got to see her everyday, S-Sayuri, I c-can't…" I said. That was what bothered me in a way, that he tried to dismiss my feelings by relating to them, thus making them insignificant because he experienced them as well. And that would make it all the more simpler for me to do what he wanted me to do but it wasn't the same. He was granted a blessing while I get nothing.

Chichi-ue regarded me with a raised brow at my outburst, a look of surprise. Then I saw his brow furrowing and I knew he was trying to think of what to say next, regaining his bearings. "Perhaps I did have it better than you…but you must remember that life is not fair Kohaku, it was not fair for us, and I have never guaranteed you that it would be fair to you. Your fate has a different path in store for you, and you were born into duty, and you must be dedicated to it. When temptation comes you have to resist it. There is no escaping who you are and what is expected of you. True bravery is in the sacrifice of your own happiness for the sake of others. You cannot turn your back on fate. As a man, and as an important figure in this battle, you must learn to be stronger than others, it is your curse and your gift."

I stayed staring at the rotted floorboards while he stepped away from me and placed his hand upon the shouji. "We're leaving today to continue on our journey, and that is the end of it. I suggest you either sever your ties or make them stronger to withstand the wait."

With that said, I heard the sliding and the closing of the shouji and I was left in that room, my fists clenched and my eyes closed. As I sit in front of her now, straining to give the semblance of a smile while she tells me of each step in the cooking process, I can just think of how I hadn't anticipated this, well, I anticipated it, but I didn't know how hard it would be. No one knows anything about something until they experience it. I knew that I would have to sacrifice, and when Haha-ue had told me of this, I thought that I would have the strength to do it because it was expected of me, but then I hadn't known what I would have to sacrifice and how difficult it would be…my happiness, it seemed so easy then at the thought of it, now I find it like a dagger through my heart. To watch her laughing to herself and feel her hand in mine while she pulls me along to some interesting thing in the street and then to think that by the end of the day it'll all be in the past…

I have no idea how far I planned for this to go, or what we were doing, I have no clue at all. If-If I wanted her to be my woman, well, I don't know, maybe? The thought has crossed my mind, but I don't know, I-I just know that I don't want this feeling to go away. Why would anyone want to exchange happiness for sadness?

Sayuri leaned over and with her hand wafted the scent of the broth up to her nose. "It smells alright. See for yourself," she smiled, looking up at me.

I leaned forward as she had done and inhaled deep. The mixture of the herbs and spices and the natural, crisp smell of the fish stewing in the depths of the pot flooded my senses and drowned out my sorrows, it was like taking a smell of tranquility, the smell of lunch cooked by a woman in the middle of a cool day inside of a warm home, stability, stability, stability….

Then I felt the familiar touch of the softness of her lips against mine. It was only for a second, and when I opened my eyes in surprise she was worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. The steam of the food wasn't the cause of my blushing at all, I didn't think she would initiate kissing me, not so soon. I hadn't thought that she was that comfortable with me yet, after all, its only been two days at the least, and I was the one who had kissed her first and I was also the one who had been initiating all the other times where I had taken her lips with mine.

"I'm sorry…I just-its," she kept her eyes averted to the stew gurgling between us, "I just felt that, well-"

I could have taken this time to lean over and kiss her back to ease her worrying, I could have, I should have, but I'm too much of a coward. I mean, it is a little too forward of me to do so, maybe she would have accepted it and reciprocated, well, of course she would have, we've done it so many times before, but it was different, she was…unsettled. As was I, and-and I only wanted to know what it was that was bothering her so much. It would have been smart to think it had been that she showed affection in a brusque way, not suited for women to behave in these days, well, respectable women anyway, but I didn't care, I don't care Sayuri, you must see that nothing matters when I'm with you.

A spell of quiet settled after it appeared that she had given up, and it was broken by her mumbled words, "I just know that you-you're leaving soon…and I, its that I've never felt so happy, with a-another man, be-before."

I had to gather up all the courage resting within me after hearing such a confession, and I did so, maneuvering around the pot separating us and coming to her side. She looked expectantly at me and I felt like a fool that I still had no words prepared to reply to such a declaration. Silence passed again and I met her gaze, those eyes like the bottom of a calm spring.

"Sayuri-san, well, I've-I've never felt the way I do now for any other woman either," I then turned my body toward her, "the comfort I feel with you is startling to me, but in a good way, sometimes I've thought it strange that in so little time I've fallen for you so soon. I don't know how, but it has, you've made me feel as if, I can live a life where I have no worries, no responsibilities. And yet…"

I felt all the anger and resentment toward my fate rising up and a frown etched itself into my face for causing this innocent woman such pain. If I had never forced myself into her life, and her heart, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe it is my own fault. Thoughts of asking her to wait for me were suddenly deemed selfish and cowardly. I had a destiny ahead of myself, I could die tomorrow and what would I leave behind? A woman's hope broken apart while she waits until old age for a man that has been dead for years already. Perhaps this was the test Buddha had placed before me today, my happiness for the sake of the world, or was it, to sacrifice my stability, knowing on my journey I had someone to return to, in order for Sayuri-chan to leave a fulfilling life, not waiting everyday in worry? Martyrdom is the greatest attribute. I am cursed with this life, this burden. Not only would it be selfish for me to bring that burden upon an unsuspecting girl in a village that has always lived a slow, casual life, but it would also be contemptible. What must be done, must be done. Until Maburoshi is taken care of, I alone must bear this fate, and it is only right that I not affect anyone else with it.

"You shouldn't wait for me…" I murmured.

My eyes were shut for fear of seeing the anguish in hers, an anguish I have caused. She said nothing, and for a moment I thought my words were so quiet that she hadn't heard me. "You should forget about me Sayuri-san."

The sound of a sniffle permeated my senses, then the knocking around of her stirring the stew and its contents shuffling about. My whole body felt cold at her short reply.

"I understand."

I was frozen to that spot, what would be the proper form of action? To just leave? Leave her alone after breaking her heart in two with my contemptible hands? Filthy hands stained with the blood of demons and-

Her lips again, pressing against mine, and this time I longed for a warmth, searched for it with my tongue, I didn't care about any shyness, any bashfulness left me, I felt like a child looking, looking, trying to find it so desperately and begging for it, and her lips parted and that warmth traveled through my body and made me shudder from the rush of it all, the moisture of her tongue blending with mine, and my face heated, my whole form, warm all over with my blush, with hers. Then I felt her start to shudder as well, and I thought it to be the same as the sensations I felt just a moment ago, but then I heard what I recognized to be sobbing, and when I opened my eyes I saw hers were closed with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"You did the right thing, Kohaku. It would have been worse if you had led her on. Your father and I are proud of you."

I watched Haha-ue where she sat as she wrapped Hiraikotsu with diligent care. The afternoon sun crept in through the water-damaged wooden walls of the hut and the only makeshift window in the room.

My heart weighed heavy on me with guilt. I didn't deserve any praise. "You shouldn't be. I did lead her on."

I had wheedled my way into her life and caused her to experience all these feelings for me and suddenly I was telling her to forget everything, forget feelings that I had draw out in her, I had done it, and I was the one to blame for her pain for forcing my way into her life knowing the responsibilities I had and sacrificing her own feelings for my own enjoyment.

Haha-ue looked up at me with a saddened look. "Kohaku, its not your fault. You just got caught in the moment, its natural, you were just drawn to her, together. Its good that you had that experience."

She stood up and began to say something when the shouji slid open.

"Hey, anybody seen Shippou?" Imoutou-chan asked, peeking her head in. When I turned to look at her, I was taken aback for a second by how different she appeared to be, there was a refreshing vibrancy in her voice, a distinguishing pink dancing upon her cheeks and a brightness in her eyes. What's going on with her..?

She entered the room and went to the corner to pick up the bow and arrows that Kagome had left there. "No, I think he went around with Kirara to pick up some supplies, food and such, for the trip." Haha-ue replied, standing up and hoisting Hiraikotsu up with her.

Imoutou-chan walked over to me and gave me a playful shove. "What's eatin' you? You look like someone tore up your sutras."

With that said she giggled like a small girl and I looked over to Haha-ue, I mean, she had to have noticed this odd behavior. She must've agreed because she rose her eyebrows as well. It was strange, not to mention confusing. I've known Imoutou-chan all my life and never has she behaved this way before. So giddy and upbeat.

"And you? You seem happy," Haha-ue smiled.

Imoutou-chan stopped for a moment and took a deep breath, saying the words, "I am," as she exhaled. She then proceeded to slide the shouji open and take leave, humming a little as she went.

"Well, she doesn't seem the least bit torn up about leaving this village and going to fight numerous demons day in and day out…like her father, Inuyasha was exactly the same way once we were ready to leave a village, always so eager for the fight ahead," Haha-ue went on as we exited the room on Imoutou-chan's light trail left behind. All I could think of was that I knew she wasn't behaving that way just because we were leaving the village, it was something else. She's been relieved about taking off from previous villages before but she's never been this joyful about it to hum. Imoutou-chan? Humming? It doesn't add up. She's usually snapping at everyone to hurry up so we can leave, but never giggling and skipping along. Only a couple of days have gone by that I haven't been in her company, and I really haven't been minding our separation, I've been so focused on Sayuri-chan since the whole lake incident and its been refreshing, after our whole awkward situation with the whole thing we had, the strains in our bond, well, after having it reasserted we've been fine together so why am I even worrying about it? Well, well, she's still my Imoutou-chan, that's right. So I should be concerned about any sudden change of attitude within her. Right.

"I'll be right back," I briefly told Haha-ue before I sped out the front door to pursue Imoutou-chan.

She was walking along aimlessly among the villagers, not noticing their stares at all as she passed by hut after hut with the women giving her frightened looks and the men regarding her with a certain distaste. Normally she would be barking about insults to protect herself from feeling awful about it, but she just strolled about, head to the sky.

"Hey, you," she said when I managed to catch up to her side.

"Hi…uh, I-"

"Heard about the little Sayuri thing you got goin' on, that's tough. But you did put yourself in it anyway, like you always do," she said, interrupting my senseless babble.

"Is that the staple of our group now?" I sighed.

"Your dumb romantic life? I guess so."

Romantic life? "I don't have any-any romantic life! Sayuri-chan, I mean, Sayuri-san is only my friend, we're friends, only friends, nothing more," I sputtered. It wasn't as if we were in a relationship or anything, it isn't, its not, we haven't even established that yet, and I doubt we will, and aside from all this I was also dumbfounded that Imoutou-chan was so nonchalant about discussing this considering her usual strange behavior, this is even stranger.

She gave me a rolling of her eyes. "Yeah, everyone that's friends with each other buys expensive kimonos for each other and escorts them to festivals and gives them flowers."

We stopped in front of a small, fenced in farm next to a hut where chickens pecked at small pebbles and gravel on the ground. Imoutou-chan reached in her haori and pulled out a loaf of bread. I stared into the eyes of those animals and I almost wished I was as carefree as them, just spending every day waiting for food and nothing else.

"I wish we didn't have to leave here, then it would be so much easier."

"Yeah, that's why we have to leave, because life isn't fuckin easy like you want it to be. We're born not knowin shit, we grow up tryin to learn it, but still, all the way on till our death we don't know crap," she broke off a piece from the loaf and clenched it in her fist, "Only when we're right on our deathbed do we finally realize everything we didn't before, but until then we walk around like idiots. Sometimes learning something, sometimes not. So its always hard.

"So if you hadn't come in that little filly's life, shit still woulda got hard for her anyway, because everyone's lives are hard for everybody, that's just how it is. If you didn't break her heart, some other jerk would've." The crumbs fell from her hand like snow and showered over the ground on the other side of the fence. The chickens rushed over, falling over each other in an anxious heap, a tumultuous avalanche of feathers and claws, beaks banging against the small, insignificant crumbs.

"When did you get to be so wise?" I asked, a smile managing to breaking out on my face.

She scoffed and carelessly threw the whole loaf to the horde, walking away. "When did you get to be such a wise-ass? Oh, wait, you always have been."

I folded my arms in mock defense. "I was only asking a serious question!"

Imoutou-chan paused and eyed me, her face portraying how she mulled over it all, her eyes bordered by those bangs that she hated.

"Let's just say I was enlightened. Kinda like Nirvana, young monk bouzou, something you'll never reach the way you're goin'. I should be your teacher."

Now I was even more curious, and for the first time in a while, Sayuri-chan was the farthest from my mind, if she was there at all.

"What kind of enlightenment?" I inquired, looking directly in her eyes. For a second she matched my gaze, but then the next her eyes shifted away. She'd never done that frequently before, if at all. The earliest she had done this was when we were children, it was her way of showing guilt that she had done something that would make Inuyasha or Kagome upset, back when she cared whether they scolded her or not. What was she hiding…?

"Hey! You two knuckleheads! Its time to get the hell outta this one horse town!"

Inuyasha walked over to us and ended the interrogation, his thumb pointing behind him. "Let's go, everything's all packed."

Imoutou-chan sniffed defiantly in response. "I go when I wanna go, nobody's gonna rush me."

"Like hell you will, come on and lets get on with it!" Inuyasha shouted brusquely back while Imoutou-chan stood her ground, it was like two stones colliding together, ending back where they started. He glared at her one last time before giving up and making his way back to the hut where everyone probably was waiting for us, knowing that she was like a child in the end, only doing things not because she was told, but because she wanted to.

I looked around us before following along and finally took notice of the sun setting down upon the whole village. The sky dripped red and orange, it was fire in the air, in the clouds, warmth all around and it all hit my senses together, that after these last few days here, the bonds made and severed, the growth-we were leaving. I was leaving the first village I felt that I could build a home in, settle down, live in. Aside from the prejudiced occupants, it was an easy-going place, a vast change from demon territory and constant battling. After I realized this it all just played out like the story in a scroll, I went through the motions, met with the others. I spoke to my mother and father, quipped with Shippou about something I don't remember, scratched Kirara's neck as a thanks for carrying all the supplies. Inuyasha complained and Kagome shushed him respectively, he and Imoutou-chan bickered. It would only be us again.

"Thank you so much for allowing us to stay here," Kagome bowed to the old man standing at the entrance of the hut whose name I've already seemed to have forgotten.

"Forgive us for not being able to repay you properly," Chichi-ue supplied, walking towards them with the rings of his shakujo making that familiar melodious clanging noise that had always meant to me that we were on the move to some place.

The old man chuckled and waved a hand in response, "No, no, there's no need for all that, you all provided great company for us, we're glad to have been able to harbor such colorful people in our humble home, and such important people as well, out on such a brave journey, it will probably be the only interesting story this village will have to tell for the rest of our days, so please, allow me to thank you. And allow us to wish you good luck on your quest."

"We don't need luck, but thanks a lot for the free food old geezer," Inuyasha curtly replied, walking ahead of us all to the exit of the village.

Kirara followed in suit behind him and after a few more gracious words we were making our way out of the place and the hut and old man were shrinking in my vision. I just kept looking back, while everyone had already moved on I still felt there was no closure, we were leaving already? So soon? And just then I remembered I hadn't even said goodbye to-

Sayuri-chan. She came running to me out of my peripheral vision, her expression wrought with desperation and I could do nothing but stop in my tracks as she rushed to me, running and out of breath, her hair bouncing freely behind her and settling when I found her in front of me with her hands clenched at her chest as if she were holding something precious in her grasp, keeping it close to her heart. I couldn't speak, what could I say? There was nothing, no words I could think of to assuage the situation, so I just stared into her face and tried to convey with my eyes how much I wanted to stay…but I couldn't. And that she had to realize as well, I am who I am, this is my fate.

"Kohaku-kun…" she murmured, and I watched her lips form the words and my gaze dashed to her eyes to catch the look in them while she said it, I listened harder than I had ever listened to anything ever before to remember the sound of it coming from her mouth. She stood on her toes and leaned forward to plant a small kiss upon my cheek and I closed my eyes. I wanted so much, so much to hold her, the first time I had ever felt so many emotions for someone, I wanted…

I took a step back, and with my eyes still closed, I took another and turned away from where I assumed she stood; in some alternate dimension devoid of light and only capable of engendering sound and smell, her eyes burning into my memory, the touch of her lips on my cheek, this is what I would remember as I opened my eyes and walked briskly to catch up to the others. I refused to let my last memory of her be of my walking away from her and allowing her to shrink into nothing in my vision like the old man and the hut, becoming smaller and smaller until she disappeared. I didn't look back.

Ahead of me I saw Imoutou-chan standing still and a man far off to the left of the exit of the village, I saw him wave to her and smile. I saw her look down, then seem to shake off whatever it was that bothered her and continue on to follow our parents, Kirara and Shippou, they were small figures in the distance from where I stood.

I recalled when Sayuri-chan kissed me, her hand slipping into the fold of my robes, and I reached my hand where hers had been to pull out a small piece of paper. Anxiety flooded inside my throat and I swallowed to bring it back down, I felt like the chickens who rushed to devour the meager crumbs Imoutou-chan had tossed to them. My hands quivered slightly while I carefully unfolded the note and revealed more and more the ink markings until I was able to read the kanji hurriedly scribbled onto the paper.

_I'm waiting for you._

After reading it over five more times I folded it along the lines she had made the first time she had done it and slipped it back where she had put it in my robes. Looking up, I saw the sun beginning to hide behind the mountains and the figures of my parents and my friends growing smaller and smaller. I raced over to them and in a matter of a few moments they were all around me and we were all headed the same direction.

**A/N: **This chapter was a strange piece of work, Kohaku and Sayuri's relationship was initially slated to be broken off but in a flash of enlightenment they were kept together by means of a love note, which is fitting, some drama for the later events of this story and all that will entail which shall not be revealed until then. For now, Kikyou-chan and Kohaku-san's relationship is at a mutual understanding of the bond of two close friends who grew up together in almost the same family save for blood relations. Growing up is a hard, confusing, difficult thing, and theworldsgreatest01 sought to portray this in these two characters, to show how human their emotions are, as adolescents, to jump back and forth from feeling to feeling, and to show Kohaku's reluctance at living up to the responsibilities he has dropped upon him from the sky. Not every hero is a willing one, that is only how they are portrayed. Kikyou and Kohaku are a young man and woman on the verge, in a journey they barely are prepared for. The next chapter will throw them in the heat of that journey and change them in ways, allow them to see just what they are in and see some further development in their personalities. Also, please review. Thank you.


	11. Lost : I

**Disclaimer: **theworldsgreatest01 does not wish to try to claim any of the characters of Rumiko Takahashi's work and will never do so, they are just an avid fan.

**A/N: **A brief warning, we are getting to the good part, the nitty, the gritty, and the sadness of fate in this story. When theworldsgreatest01 thinks of the series of Inuyasha as a whole, they think of the people thrust into war, so many in that era that weren't prepared for it, the fear that must have went through them to fight to live, the concept of death that was portrayed so magnificently by Takahashi-sensei. theworldsgreatest01 wished to do the same in these characters, to show it isn't always just fun and games.

**Chapter Eleven: Lost I**

**... ...**

Just keep blocking, keep blocking, keep blocking….now dodge. This stupid song without any rhyming and without much words just plays over and over in my head whenever shit like this happens. I've reviewed combat routines for months, years, days, I know what to expect, I've fought before, I've fought em both before. I'm trained for this. This is what I've been training for. Training techniques, Sango taught me. Miroku too. Oto-san.

Run. Run Kikyou. Now block.

Everything always moves in slow motion when I'm scared. I notice everything that doesn't even matter about the fight, the smell of the area, the sweat dripping down my forehead and my chest, the color of the leaves on the trees or the way the ground feels underneath my bare feet. Its cold and still I'm sweating.

Pain shoots across my side now. Damn it. I could've dodged it, you could've dodged it you stupid-fuck! Again!

I hear my heart beating in my ears like a drum inside me being pounded in the rhythm I don't have for the thoughts in my head. My feet are freezing. Oka-san told me to wear geta, but I never listen, she says. I didn't think I'd need them. My blood is splashing all on the snow. Its like red ink soaking into paper…keep moving, don't stop for anything, you cant stop for anything, don't stop for nothing, nothing. Just concentrate. Where is the bitch, where is she, close your eyes and think, feel your surroundings like Oto-san said. He's to the left, behind, a few yards-just a few fucking yards? A few yards away. Where's the other one, what ever the hell his name is, Kanto?

How did they corner me, it was a setup, and I fell for it like an idiot, a stupid…stupid idiot…

Its getting darker. Where'd the fuckin' sun go dammit…my damn hair is in the way, these bangs. I feel like I'm slowing down. Speed up, speed up, speed up. Run. Again…more blood. Who knew currents of air could cut the shit outta you? There must be a hundred lashes all over my back. The snow is falling everywhere, Haruka's attacks cut through it like water, everything's getting darker but still the ground is white, the trees are white, all white. Underneath my feet, while I'm running, I feel the ground crunching beneath my toes, the snow, I'm running all over it while its so white and perfect.

They're just toying with me now, gettin' some kind of sick kick off of taking me down little by little, piece of skin by piece of skin. It burns, my sweat is pouring into the wounds.

Damn it! I feel Haruka's attack slice through the skin on the back of my leg, tearing through the fabric of my hakama, a clean cut. I cry out, pitiful. I clench my side to help slow down the bleeding and duck between a section of the woods, cutting through trees, branches hitting my cuts, fuck. I still have to try and find somewhere to hide. I can't keep this up. Listen to the surroundings, do you hear em coming? No. Nothing, its nothing, they're not chasing me anymore.

They're fucking with me. My body collapses against the trunk of a tree and slides down to the surface of the snow-covered ground. Blood soaks into it all around me like a puddle, like the color from my hinezumi-no-koromo is pouring off of it and onto the snow. Heart still beating fast, loud. Shut the hell up so I can hear, damn it! My breathing is coming out shallow, my skin burning everywhere, how many cuts…

I close my eyes and open them. I see Tsozen smiling at me and waving, his eyes watching me cry. His hand on my cheek, wiping away my tear but I'm not crying. I see my breath in the air, a mist that disappears into nothing, it might as well shouldn't have even come up at all if it only lasts a second. Concentrate. You can't stay here. You have to move, you gotta keep going. I try to stand up and my legs go limp, I'm back on the ground again, more blood.

C'mon…get up. "Get up…"

I'm on my own now, I've trained for this, I'm ready, I'm stronger-I can do this, just get. Up.

I'm standing.

Walk.

My legs move silly, they're puppet legs wobbling around on strings it might as well be, I start running again but I'm going so slow…so fucking slow, move, move move! Run…stay safe..run away from it. Its gonna be fine…just run Kikyou, don't be afraid…you're alone. Oto-san. Oka-san… Where'd the trees go.. Don't worry about that shit, just keep moving! Where do I go… I'm lost. Where am I…

Where am I….

I'm falling. Through time? Like Oka-san did a long time ago? Do I remember..? Its dark. And cold down here. My body's so cold… I hear them talking. Yeah I hear you, you fuckin' bastards. With his foot he puts it under my shoulder and shoves my body so now my back is cold, the frost seeping into the cuts there, it feels good. He's tall standing over me…I see the green of his eyes.

I cough up something warm and like thick water, it tastes like metal, my insides hate me. I'm lookin' in your eyes. I'm not afraid.

He kicks me in the stomach and I'm gone.

… …

"Kirara! Let's finish it!" She dashes out in her full form, fire spewing from her very fur and her jaws wide open, fangs bared to bite down on the demon. I'm exhausted more than I've ever been but I manage to reach in my robes to grab some sutras and put the last bit of my energy into them. I watch the paper glow with my light blue aura and throw them straight to the serpent and it makes a direct hit, burning its scales clean off the bone. The air fills with the scent of searing flesh, but it's the least of our problems.

"Alright time to get this crap outta the way!" I hear Inuyasha yell out in the clearing and I turn to look just as he starts to unsheathe Tetsusaiga with his left hand. His right arm is wounded, blood drips from his fingers but he still holds the sword strong while he jumps up into the air and starts to come down hard. The demon struggles in Kirara's grip and Kagome takes the pressure off by firing a perfectly aimed arrow that plunges into its neck. This is the calm that takes place before Inuyasha delivers the final blow, a blunt cut through the neck.

It all feels like a relief off our shoulders, I exhale a sigh and finally let my guard down, but a quick critical glance from Chichi-ue makes me straighten up again. Even if my muscles are aching from the neck down I can't let my guard down just yet, it's a careless juvenile mistake, I've been told this countless times.

Kirara lets the lifeless form free and I can't help but notice her disgusted expression as she blows from her nose and hangs her tongue; the demon's skin must have left a bad aftertaste.

"The others left for some reason," Kagome is the first to say. We all look around the area cautiously for a few moments before discussing.

"It was a coward's attack," Inuyasha seethes, placing Tetsusaiga back in its spot at his side.

"An ambush while we're asleep, off guard. We should be more aware next time. If this is how Maburoshi wants to do things now, now that we know…" Chichi-ue supplies.

We were all a little exhausted from walking all day questioning village after wanderer after village for information about any strange demons roaming about the countryside and having our hopes dashed with each negative reply so we decided to settle in and get a good night's sleep for once after being led in a pointless circle. I woke up to Shippou's wailing and I barely managed to awaken in time to dodge a katana that plunged into the ground where my head had previously laid only seconds ago. I looked at my assaulter and he didn't afford me much time to take a breath before he jumped out of the way for the serpent demon to strike at me, Haha-ue fended it off with Hiraikotsu and its all a complicated, exhausting blur from there.

But throughout the battle I thought it strange that the two main assailants had fled and left us all to deal with the lesser demons, nuisances really, but not before the ninja wounded Inuyasha's arm.

"Hey, where's Imoutou-chan?" I asked suddenly, realizing her absence in most of the fight and the lack of her boasting or complaining. It was too big a thing and too common to miss.

"I saw her go after the ninja guy, I think she wanted to take him on herself…" Shippou replied. He was sitting down in the grass with Kirara, massaging the bruise on his cheek. Kirara mewed out, and I heard the concern in it, strangely. I watched her start to sniff the air.

"What? What the hell got into her? Its bad enough we gotta worry about stupid weak demons and minions attacking us, she knows she can't be alone! We gotta go lookin' around for her n-"

"We have to go," Kagome cut Inuyasha off, standing attentively. I could see the worry in her eyes out the corner of mine, but I was mostly paying attention to Kirara. So was Haha-ue.

She stood on her paws and mewed again, and it was apprehensive. She smelled blood. And she made it clear it was Imoutou-chan's.

"Let's go! Kirara has the scent," Haha-ue shouted.

She led the way with Kirara while we all followed suit and I looked to my mother. Her silence translated to me as a mutual one, she hadn't mentioned that Imoutou-chan is in a lot of danger. Or worse.

Why had I let her out of my sight? I always keep a close watch on her in battle, how could I be so careless? Now we don't even know, we don't know if-she could be… For the first time I notice it. Its snowing. The ground is covered in it, its freezing but we all don't care, as we all race after Kirara our minds are just filled with Imoutou-chan. Kagome hasn't even fussed over Inuyasha's wounds. There's worry etched onto her face.

Damn. It's my fault, I should have followed her, I should have. My heart…it feels like its beating a mile a minute, I feel like its at the same pace as hers, she's afraid, I know it. A brief image of her crying out in pain flashes across my mind with tears pouring out of her eyes and I shut mine. No. She has to be okay, she has to! I can't lose her, she's-she's too much to me!

I look up at the stars above us that seem to move as we do, even faster, no matter how fast we run we can't reach them. So many nights we looked at those stars together, as children, laughing, dreaming about our future, thinking how easy and exciting it would be to go on a journey and defeat Maburoshi and show him what happens when he bullies people. The times we looked up at them while we laid in the grass and thought deeply of our own mortality. My arms around her while she cries into my chest. Her hand in mine. The trust in her eyes whenever she looked at me. With the snow falling from the sky its like the stars are falling one by one and coating the land beneath. Its all surreal, it isn't happening. She's not gone. She can't be.

"There, ahead! A cave!" Chichi-ue's shout breaks through my thoughts and I look up to see it, a cave with a wide mouth that appears as though it would consume anything that went within its depths. Its too dark to see inside.

"Kikyou's in there. Kirara knows it," Haha-ue remarked, grasping Hiraikotsu on her back.

"Damn. They led her in there," Inuyasha cursed. "Let's go, we can't just sit here not doin' shit."

He held onto Tetsusaiga in its sheath and started ahead, as did everyone else, I was the only one who stayed still. I felt like I couldn't move, my body. What if she was…what if we were too late?

"Dammit! What the fuck?"

They were all met with a barrier that was careful to give them all an electric shock of defiance before shoving them back where they had stood before. Maburoshi's minions weren't fools, maybe that's why I hadn't moved with the rest of them in the first place…I sensed it already, I anticipated it like it was normal. The shock harmed Inuyasha the most, considering he was already wounded.

"No!" he screamed and pounded at the barrier with both his fists, causing more damage to his wounded arm, the electricity surging through him and the bounce back occurring again.

"A barrier…" Shippou said out loud, "then how do we get Kikyou back?"

"There has to be some way, there has to!" Kagome cried out. Her voice broke.

There is a way, I know it. They wouldn't have led her here for no reason, they would have taken care of her out in the open, dragging her here was unnecessary if they only planned to kill her. There is a way.

Kagome rushed to take an arrow out, readied her stance without the slightest hesitance and fired a shot to the barrier. It was useless. The arrow made impact but ricocheted into the air. She only stared at the entrance. "We're not leaving my daughter in there, we're not."

What was I doing? Nothing. Just standing around. Staring into the mouth of the cave. It called to me, a subtle voice drawing me in. I felt it inside me.

"What can we do…" I heard Haha-ue mumble.

Right then I started to run ahead as fast as my body would let me. I heard the snow beneath my feet and I saw Imoutou-chan's face before me, the trust in her eyes. Everything stood still, the sound of the wind only rushed through my ears while I ran into the cave, passing through the barrier without any resistance as if there were nothing there at all, the voices of my parents and Kagome calling after me from the entrance didn't faze me, I only concentrated on finding my way through the cave. It bent at the corner; I turned it. Imoutou-chan, I'm here, just wait, I'm coming, its not over, it can't be, its you and me in this world, we have to do this together.

… …

I can't move my body…

Voices. I hear them talking.

"C'mon, Maburoshi doesn't control everything you know, you could try having a little fun for once. I believe torture is in order."

I know that voice. But I can't see. Because your eyes are closed stupid…its dark because your eyes are closed, open them.

"Are you in?"

But my eyelids are so tired…my whole body is. Its hard. I can do it. I've been doing it since I was a baby, just open them, you know how, open them, open them, open them, open!

Light. I see it, its blurry, but its there. Just a little more…I'm in a big place, its dark, but there's a little light, I see it, yeah I see it, there. Everything slowly comes into focus. Real slow, from blur, to…what is that. A person.

I groan and it hurts my throat, its so dry. But I manage to pick my head up just enough to look next to me and see a shadow. No. Another person, in black clothes. Green eyes look at me sharp.

"Well, looks who's up!"

There's dried blood on my chin. And he keeps looking at me. Wait. I try moving my arms and legs and I can't. I'm tied up, but to what? I look up at the rock against my back and look down at it coming out the ground. I gotta get outta here, I gotta get loose. The guy standing next to me walks around to the front of me and watches me struggling to get out the bindings. My body's too weak, I can't break free.

"Hey Kenta, she's struggling, take care of her damn it, we can't risk her getting up enough strength to try anything stupid." The voice tells the guy and he bends down to pick up a sheathed katana. He watches me close, all I see is his eyes and the black of his clothes. Then he holds up the end of the sword at me, lowers it to my stomach.

"Well what the hell are you waitin' for? Do it, stupid!"

He lunges his arms forward with a quick move faster than I can see and drives the end of the katana into my stomach in a hard blow. I cry out like a baby and I feel the blood rush up my throat and see it fly out my mouth. Fuck…that bastard. You bastard.

The girl in the back laughs, I can't see her, only the ground and dirt while I try to catch my breath from getting the wind knocked outta me. The guy is just standing there, I see his feet, what is he doing, he already took care of me. What the hell more do you want? I pick my head up and look him straight in the eyes. I clench my teeth. I wanna rip your face off, do you know that you piece of shit?

"Ah, you're awake now, wide awake, that's good!" The little bitch walks up to me. "You know, its rude for a guest to just be unconscious throughout the whole party."

All those bright ass colors in her outfit hurt my damn eyes. Its Haruka, I know her name. Purple hair, blue eyes, just a little fucking kid, almost half my height. Damn youkai. "Do you know how stupid you are, hm stupid? Do ya?"

She starts walking to my left. "Do you realize how easy it was to just lure you here, all alone, without anybody to save you? Did you really think you could take us both on? I know Maburoshi said it would be easy and that you were stupid enough to fall for it but I didn't think it would be _this_ easy or you would even be _this_ stupid!"

She walks back over to me and looks me over. "Wow, you're pretty beat up, looks like you're not going anywhere!" she says, smiling. "And if you do try anything, this big lug here will just keep clocking your lights out huh? Kay?"

I try to look back down but she grabs me by the chin and picks my head back up. "C'mon, don't be a bad sport… Don't you love this, hey?" She looks over to the guy in black but he doesn't answer, only stands there watching the entrance of the place. Haruka's face drops and she frowns. "Do you ever talk?"

He still doesn't say anything. "Oh well," she lets go and walks over to sit on a rock rising out of the cave floor. "Give me a good show then if you're not doing anything or talking like a normal person. Maburoshi said to give her hell, so that's what we're gonna do."

Haruka grinned, showing her teeth at me. "We're gonna have alotta fun with you. You shoulda never tried to be a hero all by yourself, now nobody's gonna hear you screaming in here when you're begging for us to show you mercy, and we're gonna have a ball, huh, we're gonna put you through the worst, oh, and we'll try not to kill you, but if we do by accident…oopsies."

The guy in black stands in front of me again, and I can't look at him. I can't look at any of em. Haruka's right. I shouldn't have tried…now I'm alone. I feel the cold, hard surface of the katana sheath hit me across the face. Again. Other side of my face. He hits me in the chin and my head shoots straight up. I see nothing but the ceiling of the cave, no stars, no sky, nothing. Again. I cry out. Every blow. I'm losing, I'm losing, they're takin' it from me, I can't fight…I can't do this, its too much.

Again. I wanna go home. A hard blow to my stomach again and I cough up more blood. He doesn't give it a rest, he keeps going, no rest, another hit to my chest this time, then my face again. My tooth is loose…

I just let the blood run out my mouth with my spit. Tears are coming from my eyes now. Nobody's coming. I'm stuck here, getting beat up by this bastard.

Oto-san. I miss my Oto-san, I wanna be home again, I want him to come and save me, call me his pup and hold me… Another blow to my face. Hold me and tell me everything's ok, he's gonna protect me, he's not gonna let anything happen to me, even if everybody hates me and doesn't like me he knows what its like and he's always gonna be there and if anybody gives me shit he's gonna kick their ass for me and nobody's gonna touch me, he promises me, he promises because that's what fathers do and his father couldn't do that for him but he's gonna do it for me.

It hurts…so bad…I'm crying. Oka-san, I want a hug from my Oka-san, I wanna hug her and not try to pull away because I need it, I need you, my mother, telling me that I have the prettiest eyes and she's proud of me and if no one feels the same they're wrong and she loves me…

A blow to the bottom of my jaw again and I see Haruka laughing but I don't hear her, then I'm looking at the ground again, watching my blood and tears falling into a puddle there and disappearing in the ground.

Nii-san. I see him smiling at me, blushing, calling me. Talking to me, the base in his voice that makes me drowsy and sleepy, coming together with the softness of it and stuff. His smile. I wanna see him again. I don't wanna leave him yet. He's my Nii-san, my only friend, my best friend, my-only. I love my Oka-san. I love my Oto-san. Do I? Do I love…Nii-san? We're all we've got…I need him to be there, if he's not, I'm alone…I do love him. Dammit.

I'm weak…I wasn't ready for this. I'm not. Its too…

Much.

For a moment I see the glint of the blade and hear the sound I know that's a sword being taken out, then I hear the other sound I know that's skin being cut, and I feel it too. I've never been cut before, now I know what it feels like…hot steel slicing through leaving the worst stinging ever, fuck. I scream out.

Now I'm bleeding from my side again. Losing too much blood. This is hell, this is what its gotta be like, this is it. I'm coughing again, more blood from my throat. The ground is slithering around, like brown snakes all around my feet. Its getting blurry again…

I couldn't do it Oto-san. I can't stay awake.

And I'm scared. I don't wanna die.

My eyes burn and I feel the tears coming up and spilling all over my nose, dripping down on the ground, drop by drop. I'm whimpering now. Sniffling up snot like a scared little girl. Sobbing.

I don't wanna die…

… …

Rounding the corner I sensed Imoutou-chan's spiritual energy fading fast, the decline in her power like blunt, sharp drops and my heart beat cajoling me forward, beseeching my legs to go faster, faster, faster still. And here I came into a large cavern formed naturally over time, a tall pillar within its center, jutting out to the heavens above and its stars giving light to the area, and here I saw my imoutou-chan, her body tied there as a martyr, head limp and dangling as if she were unconscious or-

"Imoutou-chan!"

She doesn't look up. She's…? For a moment I take notice of a figure dressed in black standing before her, the glint of a blade he's holding up that's coated in blood. We catch each others eyes and an anger unlike anything I've known before surges up in me.

"Ah! Our hero has arrived, let the show begin!" Before I can find out where those strange words came from a multi-colored blur rushes toward me giving me no time to block before I'm struck a hard blow to the back. How did she manage to get behind me so quick? I roll forward on the ground and follow through by holding up my arm toward her, blocking her next attack that sprung at my face from just the hem of her kimono but the attack was just as strong as any weapon could muster, luckily my forearm is covered by tajiya armor. Still no time is wasted to recover, my defensive technique only serves to enrage the youkai I now notice to be Haruka and she clenches her teeth, whips back her other arm and continues her assault while I scurry backward on the cave floor struggling to get to my feet and block at the same time.

"Your technique is so basic its laughable! Have you even _been_ training at all? You're weak! You and that little bitch there both!" Haruka seethes through her teeth and starts to giggle.

This is the only time I realize that she's been toying with me. As soon as it dawns on me the ominous smirk on her face startles me and it causes a stumble in my defense, she finds a careful opening and first hits me in the chest with her kimono sleeve, two hits each sleeve, then jumps up to kick me in the same area. All the pressure was dealt to my heart. How could I leave it open? Am I really that weak? But we've been training! I fall to the ground and skid to a halt, the back of my head aching. My hand unconsciously grips the fabric over my chest. There's no time for breathing or healing, you're in the heat of battle and you have to move! Placing my other hand on the ground I push myself into a sitting position and force myself to my feet. Haruka stands feet away from me still smirking, her head tilted to the side with arms folded as she observes the entire scene. My breathing is heavy, I have to level it, concentrate and watch her every move, even though she isn't moving she can attack at any second so be alert.

"Going over battle routines in your head little boy?" Haruka laughs, "I don't even feel like goin' on with you, just look at yourself! You're not even a challenge and I'm half your size, hey!"

She breaks her conversation with me to look somewhere else. "Hey deaf-mute! Maburoshi told that you're supposed to deal with this guy, you and him are supposed to get up close and personal, teach him a lesson in real combat? I'll watch the other brat!"

I see the ninja turn towards us. He hadn't been paying any attention to us before, now he stares directly into my eyes. I look back at Haruka then at him. What if they both decide to attack me at once and her words were just a ploy to get me to believe I'll only be fighting the ninja? I try to think ahead of everything, anticipate every move and block and parry in advance. Then I notice his eyes observing my body, I feel it on the surface of my skin, he's measuring me. Assessing all my weak points. I look back at Haruka again.

"If I were you I'd be more worried about that, hey."

The ninja's light footsteps echo and bounce all around the cave walls at a steady pace and I turn to see him running with his hands at his side wielding a katana, I hurry to grab the hidden blade within my robes just in time to parry the strike of his katana and its begun with the loud ringing of steel colliding together at once. Even though I throw the energy behind the attack back at him and it absorbs into the blades he still manages to push me back and my feet slide slightly backward.

I can be stronger, I know I can be. Imoutou-chan is at the corner of my eye, barely in sight and still a limp body tied to a post. I look in her assailants eyes and promise to be stronger, we have to be, I have to be for her. I'll die trying! I push him back and attempt a strike, its barely blocked it seems but he makes it look so effortless, like he's not even using his full potential! I scream out a battlecry and lunge my blade in the direction of his abdomen, perhaps an open space left there carelessly but the katana parries it away and I'm caught blind by a fist striking me in the face. Blood rolls down from my nose and from a cut on my cheek but I keep going and so does he, block after block, he lands two more hits to my torso and my heart pains start up again. I ignore everything, even Haruka's shrill laughing as she watches us wrestle with each other, she can laugh as much as she pleases but I won't back down not when so much is at stake, I fight, I fight. He lands another strike to my cheek yet this is what gives me the opening and incentive to push forward against his force, throw him off balance and plunge my blade into his shoulder.

This is it! I've done it, I got him, I've won! I stop and watch his reaction, wait for him to double over in anguish or cry out but he says nothing, everything is quiet now. Save for Haruka's snickering.

"You really think that hurt him! You thought you had him! You really did, you thought you won that easy? You stupid boy! You're an idiot, you're a moron!"

The ninja looked at his shoulder and calmly placed his hand upon the blade, pulling it out with ease and tossing it to the side like it was a child's toy. This isn't happening, this can't be. I rose my hands up to look at them and they trembled at my gaze. Imoutou-chan…I'm sorry..

We weren't ready for this. A sharp five consecutive blows to all the vulnerable areas in my body that he had observed earlier and that I had simply left for him to take charge of resulted in me falling to the ground, the right side of my face scraping against the rough surface of rocks and gravel. This is where I belong. I'm a failure, a coward, a weakling, a moron as Haruka called me. How could we not be prepared? Hadn't our parents trained us enough? We dealt with other demons so easily, why were these two so hard to defeat? We weren't ready. Imoutou-chan and I will die here. The dirt and gravel seep into the cuts on my face, stinging them. I deserve this. Tears start to well in my eyes. "Nii-san…"

I hear her voice and feel it when I close my eyes, its weak and defenseless, so unlike her usual self when I used to hear that title called to me with such bravado and ferocity behind it, now as I move my head as much as I can while ignoring the aching of my skull I see her face above me, battered and bruised, blood-smeared. It's the first time I've ever seen her look so helpless, and I can't help but think, she's too young, she's a woman. I finally see her as she is, my little sister, viciously beaten to shreds by this man who has no compassion for the fact that she's a woman, a girl who deserves better, her soft face is covered in welts now. Yet I still manage to see her smile at me, small smile that comes through tears streaming down her face. She's afraid of dying here.

I reach out my hand to her to just touch her, let her know everything will be alright even though I don't even know for sure if its true for myself but the ninja's foot comes between us, stomping onto my hand without any resistance and pain shoots through my whole hand. I hear the sound of my bones breaking. Haruka's laughing fills the cave again.

"How heartbreaking! Such a beautiful moment! You're bad Ken-"

I can't hear the last thing she says because at that moment he moves his foot onto my head over my ear, pushing it to the ground so I can no longer see Imoutou-chan. The pain is unlike anything I've ever felt before. I shout and struggle but there's nothing I can do, I'm too weak, the more pressure he exerts the more I scream, Imoutou-chan forgive me I wasn't good enough, strong enough, Haha-ue why didn't you tell me I wasn't good enough, Chichi-ue why didn't you teach me to be a real man and defend everyone, why do I have to be weak, why? Sayuri…This pain! I want it to go away! Please! I close my eyes and scream.

"Please! Don't kill me! Don't kill Imoutou-chan!"

Then the pain stops suddenly. I can't believe it. I'm still alive… I feel someone leaning over me, then a voice in my ear, a male voice that I won't forget.

"You're pathetic."

I hear Haruka again. "That should be enough right? He only told us to push em to the brink of death. Why do you think he wanted us to do this anyway? Its so boring."

"To warn them of death. That it is coming."

"Wow! You _finally_ talked. Whatever. Maburoshi's gonna let the barrier down, he already knows they're beat up and we stopped already, weirdo knows everything about those idiots. The rest of the _'Inu-gang's' _gonna be here soon. Let's go hey?"

The movement of bodies and the sound of rocks crumbling, an explosion, then the fluttering of fabric on the breeze. They're gone. I stare at the rocks scattered from their escape that rolled by my head. Death.

"Nii-san…"

"KIKYOU!"

"Kohaku!"

"**KIKYOU!**"

I hear everyone coming. Everyone that didn't teach us what death really is. What battle is really like. I don't want them to come. I close my eyes and all I can think of is how I begged for my life with my head beneath another man's foot.

Pathetic.

**A/N2: **Appreciation is shown toward those of you that take the time out to read this fanfic. Reviews are always welcome and please do so, bad or good, they are one and the same, a desperately needed review! Many thanks.


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